Bachelorette Party: Leave Her Out or Not?

[WombatShadow]

My friend is getting married, and her maid of honor is from a completely different town. Thus, it's fallen to me to put together the list of people from this area to be involved in the party. Just today, my friend requested that we invite another girl, who I am friendly with and the MoH hasn't met. I hadn't thought to invite her because she's not local either, but the bride really wants her there.

 

The problem is that the MoH has already reserved the first space for the party for eight people, and this girl makes the ninth. The party is this weekend, so there's no way for us to extend the number of reservations. If we invited her, she'd be meeting all of us after we'd been together for a few hours together. I'm afraid she'd feel left out or second-class or something. I know I would.

 

Should we invite her and leave out that we're doing something else first? Tell her that she's left out? Not invite her at all?

[DancingFool]

Talk to the bride about it asap and explain the situation. I mean if she really wants her invited, it would be really bad if you just kept mum and didn't do as requested. It's not really your decision to make regarding the invitation, so kick it back to the bride where the decision belongs.

[mustlovedogs]

People should only be invited to bachelorette parties that the bride specifically wants. Furthermore, all invited parties should be invited to the wedding.

 

I also tend to think only wedding party members should go to bachelorette parties, but that may be a weird POV.

 

is your post saying the bride requested this other person be invited?

[j.man]

Did you ask to extend the reservation to 9 people? Where did you reserve that reserves by individual rather than table?

 

If the bride wants her invited knowing the implications, I'd say that's that. If you think she'll be insulted, do your best to be honest about it and let her make the choice.

[abitbroken]

I would request that the Maid of Honor find out if she can add another person. Let the venue be the bad guy, not the MOH if they can't.

 

The bride wants her friend there. Just ask the venue to add another person. Simple as that.

[abitbroken]

If the venue says no, tell the bride what happened.

I think you should be honest (well, the bride should be because she is this woman's friend) that there was another event first that she could not be accommodated at because of the late add. It is much better to do that than have her find out she wasn't to the first stop of the evening later in the evening

 

Also, to me, if a venue couldn't accommodate one more person, being all together is more important and i'd reserve at somewhere else

[WombatShadow]

The first venue is an escape room, and there is only room for 8 people per block, hard stop. That's why we can't add an additional person. We're going to dinner together afterwards, at which point we could totally have more people.

 

The bride has said that she understands if her friend can't be squeezed in, but I get the inkling she's not thrilled. The bride doesn't know what our plans are beyond the abstract, either, which adds a slight level of complication to things.

 

The MoH has offered to sit out for the friend, but that hardly seems right to me. I'm not in the wedding party and would be willing to sit out myself, but I also know the bride would rather me be there than her other friend (she wanted me in the wedding party but her fiance made her cut someone and I wasn't family, so here I am). I might still look at that as an option.

[RedDress]

Ah - escape rooms. Yes, sometimes they can be strict due to fire regulations and stuff.

 

I still think you should call the venue and ask to speak to the manager (not just any employee who will be instructed to strictly follow the rules). Explain the situation - that it's a bridal party - and ask how they can help. They may offer to put you in two rooms (4 and 5 people) or close their eyes while you squeeze one more in.

 

Even if they say "no", personally, I would invite her anyways. There is often someone who won't show up, will show up late or will offer to sit out. If not, personally, I would offer to sit out myself.

 

It's the bride's special day. You can always go back to the bride and explain it can be a max of 8... but frankly, she has enough to worry about. I would handle this one myself and just invite the person.

[WombatShadow]

MoH has already double checked, and they will not allow her to sit out.

 

I'll invite her; maybe she already has plans or something. If everyone else shows up, then I'll just sit out.

[j.man]

I don't see the big deal. It's not like she's missing out on dinner and drinks and being invited last minute at 12:30am to the bars once everyone's already a mess. She's just missing out on the first bit. Escape rooms are kinda hit and miss with a lot of folks anyways, so it may be well that she actually appreciates the extra few hours of not having to put her pants on yet.

 

And, really, whether the bride goofed on letting you guys know too late or the MoH goofed in not confirming the guest list with the bride prior to booking, it doesn't sound like any of it is on you. I'd just stay within your paygrade and extend the invite as requested.

[mustlovedogs]

The brides special day argument really irks me.

 

A rational bride would say "max is 8, done" and not put this burden on someone else - *especially* someone not in the wedding party.

[WombatShadow]

If we were going to be smashed, this would be sooooo much easier. Unfortunately, bride doesn't drink, most of the guests don't drink...I'm possibly the only one who does, with the exception of the girl who is still questionable.

 

I put the blame on the MoH, honestly, but that might be me being a little salty because the bride asked me to replace her for about a week when she couldn't come to the wedding, only for her to suddenly be able to make it and therefore booting me from the wedding party.