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I don't think my s/o and I should be together but i don't know how to leave


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We have a 2 year old daughter together. The relationship has been rocky since the beginning. The whole story is way too long. But it has led to a point where we argue about everything. We are trying so hard to make it work. Things get bad. He has sever ADHD and despite trying to get help, his depression is only worsening and making him suicidal and self harm.

His worsening depression is hard to deal with. Not just that but our child watches us argue constantly, she watches him self harm, she hears him repeatedly say he wants to kill himself. I also want to help him because I understand those feelings (I am diagnosed and being treated for Bipolar II disorder) But I am not the person to help him and I do not know what steps to take to help.


My employment is 15 hours a week with convenient hours for our lives to function somewhat normal (because he has a crazy schedule). Despite having a college degree and a my certification in teaching, I have been searching for a job since I became unexpectedly unemployed in December 2016. We share a car and he supports me financially despite going to school full time by working in a fine dining restaurant 4 nights a week. (I cannot work a night job because of our daughter) We also cannot afford child care and my daughter is on the wait list for head start (to try to get her free day care with the benefit of a school like environment)


I want out. I want out so bad for so many reasons. I have no family to go to, because they don't have room for both me and my child. I have no friends to go to because they, also educated, cannot live on their own but with their parents because of inability to find a job. I just don't know what to do or where to go.

I don't want to abandon someone in need. But there are multiple reasons this relationship is unhealthy not just from him but from me too. We work hard to make things work but I do not feel as they are because I notice more and more everyday how incompatible we are. As well as, in a relationship I want to feel understood and share the same values and world views, where he finds those thing unimportant. I feel weak. I'm scared for me and my daughters future. I feel a safer option is for her to be with me right now since his mental state is so fragile. ( I do not intend to EVER keep him away from her, I just think for right now while he is sorting things out with his depression it is best for me to be the sole parent) But I have no money. I have no where to go.


I want to get out of our (i guess sort of abusive) relationship that we both work hard and seem to fail in, (with the battle of mental illness affecting the safety of our whole family) where I have no money and no place to go with a 2 year old. What should I do in this unhealthy relationship? How would I go about leaving? Where could I go besides a women's shelter? ( I do not think I fit the criteria for one). What steps can I take to get him the proper treatment for his mental illness?

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Are you in the States? Have you called social services? They can probably get you on the right track to getting you subsidized housing and child care.


Call mental health in your area and tell them that your partner is self-harming and is/has threatened suicide. When someone is threatening to harm themselves or others, they can be mandatorily taken in for at least 48 hour psychological evaluation. Hopefully that 'head start' will get him the ongoing help he needs and the proper medication he should be on.


Good luck, luv. Sorry you're having these troubles.

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I live in Louisiana. And if you know anything about Louisiana we are literally the least progressive state specifically the New Orleans area where I am located. I have applied for all types of government assistance and have been placed on waiting lists for govt funding until 2019. It's a disaster out here. There is truly so many things against me and my situation.


I do however appreciate your response very much. I will seek help with a mental health place in my area for my partner. again, I appreciate your response

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