JennyPio20 Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 I've been with this guy for a little over a year and so far everything's been great. But I have a minor issue with his mom constantly messaging/texting/calling him while we're out. I can sort of understand this since we're both still young and attending our final year of college. He says she developed this when his father died a few months before we got together. She still hasn't gotten over his death until now. Whenever he doesn't reply to her messages or calls within a certain time frame (around an hour or so) she says she starts hyperventilating and having panic attacks. This doesn't just apply to when he's out but in periodic intervals throughout the whole day. Literally no exceptions barring class time and sleeping. Not even when we're out on special occasions. It's disconcerting when we're out for the day and in the middle of conversation he excuses himself because he needs to reply to her. I understand that she most likely has an actual anxiety issue due to the unforeseen loss of her husband not too long ago. I've asked him if he would ever want her to stop and he says he's wanted it every day and he's already asked her to before, but she repeats that she has panic attacks when she doesn't do it and can't calm down. I also recently asked him what he'd do if down the line in 10 years when he has a stable job and lives on his own, but his mom still keeps doing it. He replied that he won't sit her down and set boundaries or try to persuade her to get some help for it. Since he understands that it comes from trauma from his father's death. This is concerning to hear for me because it sounds like he's giving too much rationalization and justification to his mother's actions using his father's death and won't even consider finding any wrong in them or see them as overbearing. Though it sounds like he's a mama's boy, he's not particularly attached to her. It's just that he doesn't want her to have that anxiety and panic attacks, and so he indulges it. I understand I've only been a part of his life for a short while and it's not my place to judge their family, but I can't help worrying over this lately since it's starting to affect my feelings more and more as well. Am I being insensitive? Link to comment
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