Boyfriend wanted to take a break because of his depression

[Khaleesi85]

So wednesday night my long distance boyfriend of 8 months ( we havent met in rl yet) told he has been struggling with minor to severe depression lately and he wants to take a break from us while he focuses on his school work cause he goes to college and focus on getting better,he told me its nothing I did and that its all him and hes not stable to be in a relationship right now.He asked if we could stay friends, i didnt answer him but i did want to. Well yesterday I saw he took me off FB,Skype, disabled his IMVU, changed his password to net flix and hulu. I have his number but i`m scared to call him now.

 

I emailed him today telling him that I`m not taking this personally and that i dont hate him and that i love him and i always will and i hope he gets better and I will wait for him no matter how long it takes.

 

I know depression can affect people in bad ways and make them act so different and distant and do things they dont want to do, I am so worried about him and i am so hurt by this i can hardly take it but i am trying to have faith that he will come back to me, because he said this is just a break not the end.but it still hurts that he cut off all contact from me.

 

I just hope he`ll be ok. I didnt know this was going on with him so it was very unexpected and was a big shock to me

 

It was going real good between us and I thats why I dont think he will end it completely. He said he didn`t want to do this and it was very very hard on him and I know the love he has for me is real. So I have to have faith.

 

 

we would sleep together on skype every night and now i feel so empty and lonley without him. Its hard to sleep.

[melancholy123]

How old are you? You've never met this guy? What you had is not a real relationship. He sounds like he's got some problems he wants to work on and you should respect that and not contact him. He knows how to find you if and when he's ready. Take time for yourself and then find a real live guy you can see and spend time with, do things with.

[MissCanuck]

How did you meet him, and why hadn't you met offline yet?

[Khaleesi85]

How did you meet him, and why hadn't you met offline yet?

 

 

because we arent ready yet, and money

[MissCanuck]

because we arent ready yet, and money

 

After 8 months? Why is that?

 

Money constraints are one thing, but not feeling ready to meet someone you call your boyfriend doesn't make much sense. Was that more your hesitation, or his?

 

How old are you both?

 

Yes, I am asking a lot of questions. But I feel context is very important in understanding the nature of your relationship. We can give better feedback that way.

[Khaleesi85]

We met on a 3d chatting program called IMVU, i have been on it for years and i also met my rl best friend on there,i was in her wedding.

 

Anyway him and I met on there in july 2016 and became friends,added each other on fb and skype, we then became closer over time and then became bf and gf in january 2017. I know for some people they think its silly to have a relationship long distance with out meeting soon into the relationship but we both were fine waiting till we meet untill he gets things together and we are both ready. So it was equal on both parts to wait till our lives were on track and till we are ready. He is 25 and I`m 31. I`m in nebraska and hes in pennsylvania.

 

He goes to college and will graduate in may next year,he also is in a wheel chair he has scoliosis but he can take care of him self and get around ok. I learned to love him despite his disability. He plans on having surgeroy sometime to try and help him better.

 

I cant post links here but i googled "can depression make you turn people away" I clicked on the first link to come up and its helping me to understand better why hes doing this,i also talked to a friend and they said depression can make you do things you dont intend to do and pushed loved ones away and i shouldnt take it personally,but it still hurts so bad and I want to try and be there for him but I dont know how much of an effort i should make to try and contact him if i even can, or should i give him space and for how long or should I wait till he contacts me? I guess i`m just scared he wont love me any more even though he told me loves me so much and he always will. When he was telling me wants a break from us he told me he wants to stay friends and he don`t want me out of his life but then he goes and cuts off all contact. I am trying to stay positive and know deep down he does love me and will come back to me eventually but its just so hard.

 

 

I didnt see this coming at all,i guess he probably felt he would have been a burden on me and he said he didn`t want to tell me he was going through this to risk me breaking up with him but I would have stuck by him no matter what.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, it is possible that depressed people shut themselves off and push loved ones away.

 

The bigger problem is that since you have never met him, you don't really know him as well as you hoped. That simply isn't possible without spending time together in person. He could indeed be depressed. Or maybe he's met someone else and doesn't want you finding out.

 

It's not silly to meet someone online. Plenty do so nowadays. But what is not healthy is committing to a person you have not met even once and attempting to have a purely virtual relationship. Life is more interesting and exciting offline, and eventually, the novelty of a cyber relationship wears off. You're probably dealing with a guy who indeed has own struggles, but also lost interest in keeping this going. The attraction can only go so deep when you've never spent time with the person in real life, so it's easier for him to detach because you two hadn't taken that invaluable step of meeting.

 

If after 8 months you two still were not ready and could not afford to meet, this likely wasn't going anywhere, OP. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it just doesn't sound as though this was a viable situation. I would focus on your healing and then looking for a partner locally you can have a real relationship with.

[Tyros]

Depressed people will, not might, will push you away. They are not doing this on purpose. To date someone who has depression, it takes a ton of patience. I know a site that may be of some help but I can't post URL's yet.

[Gabinete]

That is a red flag, ignore that man right now.