MrKoala03 Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 My long term (almost 2 years) girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. She told me that she did not want to be with me right now and could not handle the stress of our relationship in her life (she has rigorous courses this semester). However, she said that she also does not think that this is the end of us and that she still sees us together in the future, and that she needs time and space so we can become the best versions of ourselves. Before everyone jumps down my throat, I AM recovering and using this time to better myself. My girlfriend and I are both 20 and go to the same University. Our relationship was a very close one - there was a LOT of love and a deep closeness between the two of us. We've been through a lot together. Over the past year, I've been dealing with an overwhelming sense of anger over the long, drawn out passing of one of my family members. Similarly, she's been dealing with the stress and anxiety from school. We began to fight a lot, however most of our arguments were petty. We both stayed in our University town for the summer this year and worked. Most of our friends left, and so we clung to each other and became somewhat codependent. The fighting escalated, but so did our care and appreciation for one another. Amidst these troubled times, I still felt as though we were more in love than ever. I, overall, treated her very well and she would almost daily ask me when I was going to marry her (I was planning to propose this October). We even went to go look at engagement rings a mere 3 weeks before she ended things. A week or two leading to the breakup, things began to change rapidly. One night, we were arguing and she said that she had had enough, and that one of her best friends that had recently come back into town had said that taking a break wasn't a bad idea. I shut the idea down, and said that we were strong enough to fix things. Over our last week together, I put in my best effort to make things better, but things only got worse as I likely came off as needy and desperate. She began texting a guy from work a lot. I told her I felt uncomfortable with it, and she said that I was right and that she would stop, but she didn't. When I asked her again she said that she acknowledged that he probably had feelings for her, and that even though she knew she should stop, she didn't want to because she liked having him as a friend. Between that and the arguing, things came crashing down very quickly. The weekend before classes started, she texted me, asking me to come over after she got off work. She said that she needed to find herself and be alone for a while. She said she may want to date other people and said I could do the same. She claimed to still love me, but not in the right way, that the passion wasn't there as much anymore, and that right now, she just needed a break from us. I asked if it was the end, she said that she didn't think so. She wanted us to become the best versions of ourselves for each other. I cried and begged - made all of the classic mistakes. The breakup was not easy for her either by any means. I left, and returned the next day to give her the stuff of hers that I had at my place. Again, I resorted to begging and pleading. She had become more cold, but after a while she broke down as well. I told her that it didn't feel right, and she admitted the same. As I left, she began to cry again. There was no contact until she ran into me on campus the following Wednesday. The conversation was normal, but the feeling was uncomfortable. I gave in again and texted her later that day, asking if I could come over and talk. I went over and begged again for her to give me a second shot. This time, I acknowledged my mistakes (my anger affected the relationship, I became insecure and clingy in the past couple of weeks, I was impatient, became complacent, etc) and promised her that I would change. She made it a point privately changed our relationship statuses on Facebook so all of our friends wouldn't see, but kept all of our pictures up (which is odd because her page is mostly just pictures of the two of us). For a week, there was no communication between us until she again ran into me on campus and sat herself down. This time, the conversation was a lot more casual and friendly. At one point I asked if she was ready to talk about fixing things, to which she said not yet. Her birthday was the next weekend, and I had already bought her gift a couple months in advance. I wrote her a lengthy letter, essentially accepting the breakup as necessary, apologizing for my mistakes, reminding her how much I cared for her, and asking her not to contact me until she was ready to talk about fixing things. I packed it with her gift, and dropped it off with her roommates while she was away. I did not text her on her actual birthday (which she later told me really upset her). Last Wednesday, she ran into me again and sat down to talk with me. Friendly/normal conversation until I lost it. I told her how hard the past month had been and how I've really been working on my flaws, and that it sucked to see that she could go from wanting to marry me to how she is now in such a short time and be so doing so fine. She got upset and got up to leave. I asked her to sit, and she did. She claimed that it was not easy for her either, and reassured me that she saw a future between us still but still needed a little time to be alone. We shifted the conversation and started laughing and talking as normal before parting ways. One thing about these coincidental 'meetings' that struck me is that each time she made sure to pat me on the back like one would a buddy. I realized that even if she did think we would get back together, I was just her backup for now. I began to realize my self worth again, and acknowledged that I have a lot more respect for myself than to just be on her leash. Two days later, she texted me that she saw something at the store that was on sale (a box set of a show we used to watch). I did not respond. I am now committed to focusing on myself and bettering myself, and will be avoiding her on campus. In the time we've been apart, I have not been sitting around waiting for a call. I've actively been trying to make a change: working on my flaws, focusing on classes, getting back into the gym, running, learning guitar, and expanding my social circle. Several women have shown interest in me, and I've even been on a date. Meanwhile, everyone else amongst our mutual friends and families is still very confused at what the ex is going through. My roommate even ran into her best friend at church and she admitted that she was just as confused as I was about my ex's decision. I know that my ex will never forget me or the love we shared, and I have not given up on hope. Despite my flaws and mistakes, I still did my best to treat her the way any girl dreams of being treated. My love for her hasn't diminished one bit, and I know that if things were given a second chance, we'd be stronger than before. But, I have come to terms with the fact that she may never come back and that this may be the end. Even if she did come back, I'm at a point now to where my guard is constantly up, and she would need to work hard convince me that she wants to be with me. Have I done everything I can, and is my plan to commit to silence the best option (I'm not just doing it to get her back, but also to move forward with my life)? Any advice, words of encouragement, or similar stories that worked out for the better would be much appreciated! Link to comment
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