Confused and need some help.

[Danking]

Il try and keep this short but here goes!

My GF broke up with with about 2 months ago. We were together for 2 years and have a 1 year old son. The reason for the break up is that for about a year i have been suffering with severe depression due to financial stress and a lot of work troubles and didnt really realise what was going on in my head. This led to my ex feeling like she couldnt make me happy and sometimes felt unwanted.

When we broke we still lived together for a month or so whilst I found somewhere else to live. It was hard as everythjng was very emotionally charged. However i made my feelings towards her very clear and what i want as this is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. I also put a lot of effort into trying to keep things respectful and nice so we could co parent together with respect and care for eachother if anything for our son!

She told me that she doesnt hate me at all and really cares about me, which is cool i guess as maybe this is a good foundation for us being a family in the future after we sort our personal issues!

Now iv moved out her behaviour seems odd at times. Shes very very active on facebook. One minute she seems to be cracking on with her life and relatively happy, the next shes posting these cheesey quotes about how much she's struggling.

Im confused because i love her so much and would do anything to have her back. So when i see these sorts of things i want to help but i dont no if thats the right thing to do. I also feel she can be quite cold toward me. When inhave done nothing wrong. I guess what i need some help with is understanding her thoughts so i can gauge what the best approach is for us to be a family again. Is she confused about what she wants or sinpmy feeljng overly guilty as im conpletely broken after this break up!

 

Thank you in advance for any replies!

[RedDress]

What have you done to fix the financial stress, work troubles and general happiness?

 

It takes a lot to break up with the father of your child. She was likely very much at the end of her rope. I think you need to fix these things before you even think of trying to fix the relationship (or it's likely doomed)

[Danking]

A lot of the financial issues were because of my ex's spending habbits, but iv taken a better job with more money and i enjoy it there. Im currently on medication and seeing a councillor about my depression.

[rosephase]

How is being a parent treating you? The first year can be a really hard adjustment. Your depression seems to aline with the birth of your son. It sounds like you disappeared emotionally while she was struggling with the giant life adjustment of becoming a mother. Instead of pulling together to get through this hard time in life you pulled away.

[Danking]

Me and my boy are very very close which is making this break up even harder. i think a lot of the depression was caused because i worked extremely long hours and didnt bring in a lot of money. Ultimately i didnt see my family much and found that immensely difficult. Abn because financially we struggled i always felt like i wasnt doing enough for my family. In terms of my relationship with my ex, we were good as we both new it would be tough initially but everything in time would be great. I find it hard to cope with the fact that weve both worked hard and had to deal with a lot of bad things thrown at us, but we stuck together trhough it all and its come to this!

[RedDress]

Ok - well, if the other issues have been addressed...

 

I don't think you should try to read her thoughts. That's always a dangerous thing and people are wrong 99% of the time anyways. Instead, a solid relationship is built on communication and listening - so you should do that instead.

 

I think you should ask her (in advance) if you can have a chat the next time you pickup/drop off your son. If she agrees, talk about everything you felt you did wrong in the relationship, talk about what you have done to fix the issues and tell her that you would eventually like to work towards giving it another go. Understand that she may need time to get to the same place. Ask her what SHE feels the issues were and what, if anything, she would need to see to even consider giving it another chance. Then listen. Really listen like you've never listened before. Don't offer excuses or explanations (that will make her feel you are not listening). Just try to hear what the problems were.

 

The road back (if possible) is in baby steps