Don't want to be alone anymore

[LockerBunny]

I've been single for about 5 years now and I'm starting to feel like I'll never find love. I feel pretty lonely and even though I have friends around I feel like it's not the same as having someone who truly loves you knows you and who you can talk about anything and everything with. I'm tired of partying and getting drunk I'm tired of getting home and not having anyone to call and laugh with I just wish I had someone who showed they care a lot and who I can just share things with and be with.

 

I find I'm terrible at making connections with people and I also feel I'm not what most guys are looking for. I'm a really gentle person but not that confident but I feel like I have a lot to offer and seem to get in my own way. I don't have trouble getting dates but when I get on them I always feel like something's missing and I'm not fully connecting with the person and it doesn't go much further than a first date.. the one guy who I feel I really connected with ended up doing a lot of strange things like threatening to put my nudes online and kind of leaving me stranded in a forest area with no reception and no car if I refused to have sex with him.. how have other people managed to find love and find the right person? I wish it was easier

[Batya33]

First stop choosing to get drunk so that you can be yourself around people. I would stop going to places where the focus is on getting drunk. Do volunteer work, join a hiking or cycling or running club, join a book club, work backstage at a community theater. There is no reason for a man to threaten to put nudes of you online for a simple reason -he should never have nude photos of you in the first place. It also sounds like your filter is off as far as who you are choosing. If you meet people through shared activities they are less likely to behave that way in part because they don't want to ruin their reputation in the group.

 

Have you tried meeting people in person through dating websites? Do all your friends, family and acquaintances know you would like to meet someone and to send appropriate people your way? How much time do you spend in social situations every week other than where you are getting drunk/partying? It can be like a part time job but if you are looking for long term it can take that kind of time and effort. And to me personally it's all worth it. Figure out if it's worth it to you.

[LockerBunny]

Thanks for your reply Batya333. Yeah you're right I'm not too interested in getting drunk as I used to but the people who I hang around with mostly only want to get drunk which I suppose is why I'm still doing it. You are right though i do need to start finding my own interests and finding people who have similar interests. I have gone on dating apps and meeting people but they usually havent ended so well (like the guy mentioned earlier) but I'm not against them I think I think yeah I probably do need to filter who I choose to meet up with more.

 

I don't go out socialising much except for with my close friends and going clubbing and etc. Ughh! I think I just need to get out of my own head and go for it lol

[Batya33]

I don't think your experiences have anything to do with dating apps. It has to do with how you are using them and how good you are at screening for safety and enough in common. Sending a stranger nude photos has nothing to do with a dating app just has to do with your choice to take that kind of risk to your privacy, reputation and safety. I'm glad you're willing to branch out!