once a cheater always a cheater

[Ordy]

hey guys help me out with some good advice. Is it correct to assume tht once someone has cheated before they will do it in the future.

[Ordy]

my wife has cheated on me before but she confessed on her own and the cheating happened way before marriage and way before we had a serious relationship actually the first few months of meeting her. Should i expect to be cheated on or should i wipe her record clean and assume that nothing will happen.

[pippy longstocking]

Having just read your last thread I have to say ...mate , you are going to make yourself ill with these thoughts ...why the hell did you marry and her plan a pregnancy when you are this paranoid .

 

We cannot tell you if she will cheat on you .... we have no idea and it is not fair to assume she will when we don't know her ....I know people who have cheated once and never cheated again ..or left their husband /wife to be with the person they had the affair with , everyone presuming they will cheat ...and they never have ...

 

She is pregnant and married to you ... so you have gone the full hog with her now and need to find some peace with that .

[Ordy]

thanks for the advice. I think i have to let it go and move on with life. It is just jealous and overthinking that is taking a hold of me. Thanks once again

[pippy longstocking]

thanks for the advice. I think i have to let it go and move on with life. It is just jealous and overthinking that is taking a hold of me. Thanks once again

 

It is horrible to have re occurring that intrude your thoughts day in day out , maybe you would benefit from seeing someone to help you , to teach you techniques to re train your brain into dismissing the intrusion before it destroys you .

[Ziggy123]

That is not true that once a cheater always a cheater. People grow and learn and change. That's like saying once you make any mistake or do anything wrong you will continue to do that the rest of your life. You just have to decide whether you can trust her again and whether she learned her lesson or not. If she regrets it and feels guilty you will know, trust me. We all mess up sometimes.

[lostandhurt]

Technically yes Once a cheater always a cheater because they cannot undo what they did. Just like if you murder someone you are a murderer the rest of your life. Does that mean you will kill again? Of course not.

 

If you had agreed to be exclusive in the early stages of your relationship and she had sex with someone else then she cheated on you. If you knew this before you married her and decided to have a child with her it is a little late to be asking this question now.

 

How tight she is has nothing to do with fidelity so forget all of that.

 

If anyone looks hard enough and wants to find something they will.

 

If she is pregnant then you need to get home more often to be with her as she goes through this pregnancy. Leaving her alone for a month at a time is no way to start a family.

 

Get home way more often and that will increase your bond with her and alleviate some of these thoughts in your head.

 

Lost

[pippy longstocking]

Technically yes Once a cheater always a cheater because they cannot undo what they did. Just like if you murder someone you are a murderer the rest of your life. Does that mean you will kill again? Of course not.

 

what a lovely explanation lost xx you are a superstar

[Ordy]

thanks people for the advice. it helps a lot.

[dave4443]

thanks people for the advice. it helps a lot.

 

Careful man obsessing it can ruin your relationship, it ruined mine I never got over being cheated on and it took years to break down the relationship.

 

It's not always true that they'll do it again, maybe try talking to someone about it? but the jealousy that goes with it can eat you up, good thing is she admitted cheating to you, which is a sign she wanted yo be honest, the ones who do it again are usually the ones who don't come clean

[Ordy]

thanks man

[Maxx82]

I am dealing with the same thing. My fiancé hooked up with her ex a month into us dating. I just found out a few days ago. The worst part is she stayed friends with him until this, i was never comfortable with them being friends.

[Ordy]

i think you need to talk to your fiance about this. And explain what you expect

[Unreasonable]

Perhaps not, but I believe a cheater is more likely to repeat offend than a person who never has cheated is likely to cheat.

 

In other words, I would be far more comfortable being with someone who has never cheated than someone who has cheated and supposedly "learned their lesson." Smart people learn from their mistakes. Smarter people learn from other's mistakes.