Don't know where to move..

[RIPDIME]

I'm at a point now where I am 28 years old. I've finally finished my degree, and as much as I enjoy the nature and smaller size of the city I live in, I haven't been able to find a girlfriend in a couple years, and when I go out to bars I am rejected, or on dating sites do not have much luck, which is odd since from what I can tell I am an attractive, creative, and intelligent young man... Secondly, I do not relate to most of the people here, and my gut and heart tell me that I need something new, a big change. The problem I have is I cannot figure out what to do about that change. At first I thought I'd move south to a city where I still know some people and my grandmother lives, but after sending out around 50 emails, I still cannot find a place. I thought I'd move to the big city in Vancouver (2-3 million people), but I'm not sure a city of that size with such a huge population would be for me, endlessly going through traffic and pollution, plus none of the emails I send out for rooms have responded, especially since I have a cat. On the other hand, I feel like I could move to a smaller place in the interior of my province many hours away. I've thought of a small city surrounded by wilderness that would be my kind of crowd, but I don't know if there's job prospects in my field, don't have a place lined up, and it snows in a month and a half, and will be snowy for six months.

 

In any case, I've really started to sort out the problems in my life such as depression and mental illness, I'm skinny now, don't smoke pot, not on any meds, eating healthy and exercising, coming to terms with myself.. but this seems to be the last choice to really sort my life out. I wish some kind of sparrow would drop down and give me an answer, or I could get to the bottom of my heart and intuition. I know what I want. I want to work a job part time in my field, play my music and be in a band and try and get somewhere with that, and be close to nature.. on the other hand, I thought, why don't I just go travelling to New Zealand or Indonesia but I know the small amount of savings I have would be depleted, my parents would be irate, and there would be a large gap in my resume, especially since I'm almost thirty.. There is only ten days left to the end of the month and I am going to be sleeping in my car if I can't figure this out.

 

Any idea on how to get to the bottom of such a hard decision to make? I know I need a change, but can't figure out where or what to do. I keep thinking that I will make the wrong decision and be stuck, but I want to make the right decision and continue to moving forward for positive life changes.. In a way, I feel spoiled in that there are people starving across the world, and I have the luxury to choose anywhere to go, but at the same time I find that modern life is so hard with all of the decisions and choices, and being stuck in this purgatory is devastating.. I have had a hard life full of overcoming, and I just want to be happy.

[RedDress]

Ok... first things first - there is only 10 days to the end of the month... can you renew your lease month to month? I read some of your previous threads. You have a job, right? I don't think you should be quitting your job and looking to move to another city on a whim.

 

Next - you mentionned mental health issues. Are you regularly taking meds for that? That is SUPER important.

 

Vancouver is an expensive city. Frankly, I'm not sure that it would be realistic to move there and only work part time.

 

I understand all of the decisions and changes that you want to make, but I don't think it's wise to try to make them in 10 days.

 

The most prudent way to go about things is to find a new job in a new city first - and THEN move. Then, at least you have an income and new work colleagues (a natural way to make friends)!to start you off.

 

I think you should be looking to stabilize your current position before you try to leap to a new position.

[RIPDIME]

Nope, I don't have a job, and don't have any obligations tying me down, which is why I want to setup shop and move onto a fulfilling career, especially since I've tackled my problems and habits, and am mentally stable now and in a good head-space. My place is temporary and runs out at the end of the month, so I'm going to have to figure out something soon, that's the only thing that's really troubling me now.

 

Medication is numbing and removes the beauty of life and reality. I'm glad I'm off all medication, and am sad that this was the type of therapy (most profitable for doctors and least work) that was thrown on me, but now am moving forward and cannot lament the years that I was 'drugged' by the system and myself, instead of tackling my problems head on.

 

I know you said, 'find a job first' but this is a long process, especially in my line of work, and I'd be much more comfortable with a home base and new life to do so. I still have some money left, so I can go a couple months atleast without a job, although I'd like to find one ASAP. I just need to figure out location, that's all, and was hoping I could get some advice on how to pragmatically figure this out. Write a list of pros and cons, maybe?

[RedDress]

Medication is numbing and removes the beauty of life and reality. I'm glad I'm off all medication, and am sad that this was the type of therapy (most profitable for doctors and least work) that was thrown on me, but now am moving forward and cannot lament the years that I was 'drugged' by the system and myself, instead of tackling my problems head on.

 

Hmmm... I have heard this before. To be honest, when you say this, and combining this with the place you appear to be in (without a job, about to be homeless, can't connect with people, looking to make big changes to solve your problems, etc), I do have cause for concern. I hope that you understand that by the very nature of mental illness, you are unfortunately the least equipped to self-diagnose. I do hope that if you refuse to be followed by a doctor and to take meds, that you at least have family and friends nearby who love you and that you trust to let you know if things are going off the rails (and that you listen to them). The problem with mental illness is that you are generally the last person to know there is a problem.

 

Unfortunately, I think you will be in a bit of a catch-22. It's pretty hard to find a place when you don't have a job (even if you have savings). It's pretty hard to find a job when you don't have a place.

 

I think your best bet is to go to a place where you have family or friends. At least until you get on your feet and you can make those decisions from a position of strength, with much more savings lining your pockets and with a job already lined up.

 

Can you call your parents or grandmother? You are really in a critical place at the moment.

[RedDress]

This is very unusual for me but just checking in on this thread as I am a little worried for you...

 

When I moved cities 10+ years ago (about a 5 hour drive apart), I definitely struggled for quite some time, despite having a job and family in the area. I definitely felt alone for... well... for a couple of years.

 

How are you doing? Any more thoughts on your plans?

[RIPDIME]

This is very unusual for me but just checking in on this thread as I am a little worried for you...

 

When I moved cities 10+ years ago (about a 5 hour drive apart), I definitely struggled for quite some time, despite having a job and family in the area. I definitely felt alone for... well... for a couple of years.

 

How are you doing? Any more thoughts on your plans?

I'm sorry, but you seem to think that people who go off medication are disturbed individuals who are going to go insane at the flip of a switch, and to be quite honest, this seems to be the type of labeling and thinking and environmental factors that lead people to question themselves and get stuck in a loop of thoughts which lead to depression. I've been off my medication for two months. It'd be pretty obvious to me if I needed medication, because I wouldn't have the energy to even be posting on the forum, not to mention the initiative to try and find a place or asking these questions.

 

It's not unusual that someone finishes a degree, and then needs to find a job, but at-least compared to a lot of students I have a bunch of savings built up to make a transition. When I say homeless, I don't actually mean it like its doomsday, since I could stay at my grandmothers etc. but it seems that when I look for a place, there's a housing shortage and few of the places are biting. I allotted more time than usual to find a place starting at the beginning of the month, but it seems to be my misfortune that places are really hard to find right now.

 

Is it not unusual to be at a crossroads in life and want to look for a fresh start to improve one's life? Should I be keeping these thoughts to myself because I have been depressed in the past due to choice and environment? It's strange. When I ask for help, and someone to give me advice on how to move forward into a positive life-affirming environment, the response seems to say, 'You can't do it, stay where you are and stagnate!'. How is that moving forward and being in an environment or making choices that are positive? If no one is going to help me or give me advice (on a forum where you ask for help and advice), I'll just have to resort to figuring this out on my own..

[RedDress]

Ok - thanks for responding.

 

No, I don't think that people who go off meds "go crazy" or whatever. Please understand that we don't know you personally, so it's important to be careful. Maybe this doesn't apply to you - but it is extremely common for people to go off meds for mental illness because they start to feel better, without medical supervision - much more common than for high blood pressure meds, yanno? To your point, it's not an immediate "switch", it's usually a gradual decline. I would hate for you to find yourself in a place you don't know with people you don't know and no support systems, should something like that occur. I'm not judging you. I'm just being cautious for you.

 

It's not unusual to graduate and need to look for a job in your field. It's fantastic that you have savings! It's also not unusual to have a hard time finding a place (particularly in Vancouver where the vacancy rate is low). No one is telling you not to follow your dreams or to stagnate.

 

Again - please understand that we don't know you - so when you start to talk about sleeping in your car - this is alarming.

 

You asked where you should go. My advice is - in the short term - to go to the place in which you have a support system. That doesn't have to be forever and it doesn't mean giving up your dreams. While you are there, you buy yourself time to figure out where you really want to be and to visit the place you want to be, start to network, check out the job market there, maybe talk to some people about jobs or apartments, etc. i think you will make things much more difficult on yourself if you try to go somewhere else without these things in place. I'm not saying don't go - I'm saying you would be wise to slow down and take measured steps.

[RIPDIME]

Ok - thanks for responding.

 

No, I don't think that people who go off meds "go crazy" or whatever. Please understand that we don't know you personally, so it's important to be careful. Maybe this doesn't apply to you - but it is extremely common for people to go off meds for mental illness because they start to feel better, without medical supervision - much more common than for high blood pressure meds, yanno? To your point, it's not an immediate "switch", it's usually a gradual decline. I would hate for you to find yourself in a place you don't know with people you don't know and no support systems, should something like that occur. I'm not judging you. I'm just being cautious for you.

 

It's not unusual to graduate and need to look for a job in your field. It's fantastic that you have savings! It's also not unusual to have a hard time finding a place (particularly in Vancouver where the vacancy rate is low). No one is telling you not to follow your dreams or to stagnate.

 

Again - please understand that we don't know you - so when you start to talk about sleeping in your car - this is alarming.

 

You asked where you should go. My advice is - in the short term - to go to the place in which you have a support system. That doesn't have to be forever and it doesn't mean giving up your dreams. While you are there, you buy yourself time to figure out where you really want to be and to visit the place you want to be, start to network, check out the job market there, maybe talk to some people about jobs or apartments, etc. i think you will make things much more difficult on yourself if you try to go somewhere else without these things in place. I'm not saying don't go - I'm saying you would be wise to slow down and take measured steps.

 

I'm sorry, you're super nice and trying to be helpful. I've just had such confusing advice from relatives and friends, that I feel like no one wants to help. It seems that it's expected that it's all up to, 'me' which is somewhat true, but at times, I need advice for these sorts of things and a helping hand, that's just my personality, but I feel sometimes like in our modern world I'm just this atomized individual who is expected to figure out absolutely everything myself.. Anyways, that's probably the most reasonable thing to do. Don't have much supports other than my grandmother, as my family/relatives bugger off or live far away, and my only good friends at the moment are letting me stay with them temporarily and pay rent, or they have kids obligations etc. My grandmother wants me to stay with her in her residence (she's 92 and super old), which means I'd be stuck to a rigid schedule and not have any privacy. On the other hand, she's super lonely, and always wants company, so maybe it would make her happy.. Again, thank-you for responding, I really appreciate it.

[catfeeder]

At first I thought I'd move south to a city where I still know some people and my grandmother lives, but after sending out around 50 emails, I still cannot find a place.

 

When I say homeless, I don't actually mean it like its doomsday, since I could stay at my grandmothers etc. but it seems that when I look for a place, there's a housing shortage and few of the places are biting.

 

Given that emails are not the way to find a place to live (you're competing with people who actually show up,) I'd start with Grandma as a base for liftoff if she'd have you. From her place, you'll have an address and can begin a work search.

 

Sure, ideally everyone would 'like' to start in their field, but grabbing income first, ideals second, is smart. You can apply with temp agencies, at least one per day, at least 3 per week starting with the radius closest to Grandma. This will get you inside of companies to learn whether their environments and cultures are a good fit for you, and you can apply for better jobs from WITHIN. These are typically the jobs not offered to the public.

 

Meanwhile, you can be looking for places to live by showing up--which in a competitive market is really the only way to snag a place.

 

From there you can continue searching for work in your field while you earn enough to live. If your situation at grandma's works well enough for both of you to stay there instead of getting a place for a while, you can save up more money while you seek the ideal career. If not, you'll at least have the base from which to start earning and seeking living quarters.

 

Don't allow a 'perfect' vision to become an enemy of 'good enough' to start you off.