more advice please

[nicsau]

long story short.

Dated for 3 yrs, moved across the country to live with him for 1 yr. Still both loved each other, but i couldn't handle being away from my friends/family and we both had a lot of stress. I moved back to my hometown, a few months later he brokeup with me. I did the begging/etc for 1month then he blocked me on everything except one chat platform which we hardly ever used together, and we stayed NC for 6-7months.

6-7months later, I had to contact him regarding tax issues. In the last month ( now 9mnths post brkup) have been msging on/off, and recently (last week) msging daily about some random topic (nothing ever about our personal lives or our past rs). Often convo ends when one of us has to go to sleep, he always messages goodnight (whether it because he has to end the convo, or i've said i have to go)- and something along the lines of lets talk tomorrow/carry on convo tomorrow. I don't bother replying goodnight (as i feel replying goodnight and saying goodnights is something ppl in a rs do, which we are not in one).

I still believe we would have worked if we didn't rush into living together (because of locations). At the same time, I'm not lookign to get back together unless he showed a massive change in his attitude and managed to get back my trust (i felt very betrayed when he brokeup with me, it seemed like he could just give up everything we had )

I guess , the reason why i'm thinking about this, is because I know that he is not the type of person to reply instantaneously with friends, but everytime i message he reads and replies right away, unless he has changed his whole personality since we split. But he was the type of guy who would read a friends message and let it sit until he had nothing else to do , and then he would reply. Whereas , I know he stated when we wer together, that I'm theonly person he would reply to straight away.

I don't want to get back together right now anyway because I've got my own things to focus on, but I guess I want to be able to keep it on the cards. He did say when we brokeup, that maybe in 1-2yrs if we were in the right situations we could get back together.

[DanZee]

You're trying to have your cake and eat it too. You left your bf, moved out and went back home. And now you're confused because he broke up with you? You basically broke up with him by moving out. It's a non-relationship at that point. He probably misses you and hasn't found a girlfriend yet, so he's texting you. But you need to decide exactly what you're doing and what you want. And I don't know if your ex can wait a couple of years for you to make up your mind.

[nicsau]

i should give more context, when i left we both decided it was the best thing, and he would apply to work in my hometown for the following year after his work contract ended. This was the basis for me deciding to move back to my hometown. There was a plan for our future together, we were waiting for his apartment to be built , instead of living in a 10person gross sharehouse. I had given up a higher and better paying job+living conditions to support his career. That is why I felt betrayed, because we did have a plan going forward, and I had somewhat sacrificed for him already. And 1yr longdistance isnt that long, we had done 1yr longdistance early on in our rs.

[kctiger]

If you don't want to get back together now and want to focus on yourself, I'd do just that. Not sure about him, but I'm not the kind of guy you keep in your back pocket just in case you decide to gain interest later. If you were both moving on with your lives, I doubt you'd have these random conversations daily. I guess I'd just like to know what his intentions are as well. As the other poster stated, my guess is he's bored or hasn't found another love interest....yet. Would you be satisfied being a plan B option? How much will this hurt when you don't discuss this with him and he isn't so responsive?

[nicsau]

deep down, if i search hard, i still love him. but i'm otherwise very happy with my life. When we brokeup , he told me its because i seemed much happier in my hometown and our current situation (stage of life, location, financial) wouldn't work for us. And he was right, because this year has been fantastic for me.

I don't mean to keep him in the back of my pocket, as i said, i still believe we would have worked out- if he had the determination to stick it out together for a year (which i was willing to do). If his mindset/attitude has changed/matured to what i consider reasonable, and he asked to get back, then I would consider- but I wouldn't be as blinded by love this time to do everything he wants (like when I moved and left my job so he could do what he wanted and be with his family). I do suspect he hasn't found anyone new, and in addition suspect he may still love me. Keeping in contact with him allows me to assess whether he has matured over the year or not, and also opens up the opportunity to get back together. He never had many friends, whereas I have many friends in my hometown, so he probably is lonely as we used to do everything together. I wouldn't be satisfied being plan B, and i won't allow myself to be a planB- as i have my boundaries now, whereas before I did everything I could for him as he was my priority. I guess i don't want to discuss any rs things with him, as he is the one who brokeup with me, and I'm not going to / dont have the urge to beg him again (as i did for 1month after he brokeup with me). I guess the other thing that i always have in the back of my mind, is that he did say he wanted to marry me (his own initiative, as i'd never brought it up), he had told me he wanted to get engaged the yr he was to get a job and move to my hometown (which ofc didn't eventuate)