katrina1980 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I know all the blame isn't on him. But the truth is, I told him no, I told him to stop and even pushed his hands away. But he kept trying, so I gave in and went to the hotel with him willingly. So, that's my own fault. I didn't want to, but I was too weak to walk away because I didnt want him to be disappointed. Lots of lessons to be learned from this JM, just like with the last guy (previous thread). Don't ever have sex with a man because you are afraid of disappointing "him." That may be one of the worst reasons to have sex. You have sex when there is a strong mutual chemistry/energy and you BOTH want to and are comfortable with it. If you find yourself becoming too attached after sex (generally speaking), which given your history it sounds like you do, then wait a bit to have sex and tell him why. If he bolts then so be it. The reason why *I* am able to have early sex is because I don't get too attached to the outcome. Never have. I take it all one day at a time, and am patient enough to wait and see how it develops and where it leads. I have low expectations and am able to handle whatever comes afterwards, including if he bolted. Which ironically has never happened, probably because my attitude reflects my low expectations, so there is no "pressure" for either one of us. Which make it easier and "safer" to move closer. In fact, in my experience, it's usually the men who are pushing for more. But that's me, not all women are like me, which is okay! You do you as should all women (and men). Your self esteem appears to be at a real low JM, and these recent experiences only serve to lower it further. My advice would be to take some time out. Figure out who you are, what drives you, what you want. And then stay true to that. Stop compromising yourself, your values and trying to "please" men and doing things (like having sex) because you are afraid to "disappoint." By doing so, not only are you compromising yourself, your values and personal integrity, but no matter how "cool" you try to be, men can sense this 'desperation' too and it will drive them away. With this guy, the fact you kept saying no and he kept pushing, he sounds like a real creep, good riddance. Yes you willingly went to the hotel, so that's on you, but given how you felt (uncomfortable) don't ever do that again. Big lesson learned there, among other lessons, which I am still learning too, and probably always will. Best of luck moving FORWARD! Link to comment
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