I Just Don't Get It

[JustMizz]

I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, things seemed to be going well. He lives 2 hours from me, so we've been meeting up in the middle.

 

This past weekend we had a great date at a zoo and ended up at a hotel for the first time. I knew it was too soon, but I felt I knew him and could trust him. We talked constantly every day.

 

Yesterday and today things seemed a bit off, and I asked him about it. He agreed things were off because he's been thinking about the distance between us and how it might affect things.

 

The conversation ended with him saying he would still like to be friends and talk and stuff, but he didn't see how a long term relationship would work.

 

He seems adamant on staying friends. I told him I didn't know if I could remain friends and said I needed some space.

 

I feel this is a blow off, and though I appreciate him being honest with me, I am hung up on why he wants to remain friends.

 

I get the feeling that he's met someone else and wants to keep me on the back burner.

 

I haven't over text him or any of my usual crazy stuff. Do y'all agree it's probably someone else?

[boltnrun]

Just for clarification, is this the guy from your "First date, need tips" thread or your "Talking again" thread? Or a different guy?

[JustMizz]

Lol, it's a different guy. I gave up on the talking again guy quickly and haven't spoken to the other guy since that thread.

[SweetGirl28]

He used you. Got what he wanted, and now he's done.

Don't be friends. I got the distance blow off too.

Only it took a year for him to do it.

 

Find someone who's worth your time. No contact. Delete him.

[cingularity83]

When you said you went to a hotel I'm assuming that means that sex happened?

 

How did he feel about the distance before the sex happened?

[boltnrun]

It seems from your threads you have gotten into the habit of having sex with the men you date before clarifying whether or not you're exclusively dating.

 

Why do you have sex before clarifying when it seems having sex bonds you more strongly?

[katrina1980]

He used you. Got what he wanted, and now he's done.

Don't be friends. I got the distance blow off too.

Only it took a year for him to do it.

 

Find someone who's worth your time. No contact. Delete him.

 

I wouldn't say he "used" her, that's so "high school."

 

However, I do agree the distance excuse was BS.

 

First off two hours is nothing when we're really into someone, and second it apparently wasn't an issue before sex, but now after sex, suddenly it is? Um, I don't think so.

 

I think that for whatever reason, he simply changed his mind after having sex.

 

Maybe he felt the sex sucked, didn't live up to his standards, who knows. Could be anything.

 

I wouldn't agree to be "friends" though. Unless you're okay with an FWB type situation, but somehow I don't even think that's what he wants.

 

I think the friendship thing was his way of letting you down easy.

 

Sorry JM.

[HeartGoesOn]

I knew it was too soon, but I felt I knew him and could trust him. We talked constantly every day.

 

How can you feel that you know and trust someone, after only knowing them for 2 weeks? Either way, you may have had a better outcome if you took the time to date (gasp!) and got to know each other.

[JustMizz]

When you said you went to a hotel I'm assuming that means that sex happened?

 

How did he feel about the distance before the sex happened?

 

Yes, we had sex. The first thing he asked me when he contacted me if I would be willing to relocate if things went well between us. I told him it wouldn't be an issue because there is nothing keeping me here. He never mentioned the distance again, until now.

 

It seems from your threads you have gotten into the habit of having sex with the men you date before clarifying whether or not you're exclusively dating.

 

Why do you have sex before clarifying when it seems having sex bonds you more strongly?

 

Because I like sex? lol. Honestly, I kind of just got caught up in things this time. I had no plans of having sex this weekend, but it happened. I'm not really upset about that, I'm just upset that now he's suddenly wanting to just be friends. It's not really about the sex, it's about the entire situation.

[JustMizz]

I wouldn't say he "used" her, that's so "high school."

 

However, I do agree the distance excuse was BS.

 

First off two hours is nothing when we're really into someone, and second it apparently wasn't an issue before sex, but now after sex, suddenly it is? Um, I don't think so.

 

I think that for whatever reason, he simply changed his mind after having sex.

 

Maybe he felt the sex sucked, didn't live up to his standards, who knows. Could be anything.

 

I wouldn't agree to be "friends" though. Unless you're okay with an FWB type situation, but somehow I don't even think that's what he wants.

 

I think the friendship thing was his way of letting you down easy.

 

Sorry JM.

 

It's okay. I don't feel used, really. And I agree that two hours is nothing. I actually told him that and he asked how could it be nothing. He said he started thinking about the distance on his drive home that night. It's plausible, I suppose, but doubtful. And I believe he's trying for a FWB thing, because of his "and stuff" comment after saying lets just be friends.

 

I don't think I can be just friends with him, especially not right now. Should I say anything else to him? Or just let it be?

[SweetGirl28]

Lol, okay." Used "was in the sense that men in general have sex and then flee when they get it and they don't want

commitment. It is easier for men to detach emotions from sexual experiences. FWB is a lose-lose because most

often one is going to catch feelings.

 

I agree maybe the sex wasn't great to him, usually they keep going back for more if it was great.

And the distance, he could be with others and she'd never know. So at least he ended it, in a way.

[katrina1980]

 

Lol, okay." Used "was in the sense that men in general have sex and then flee when they get it and they don't want

commitment.

 

That hasn't been my experience.

[Batya33]

I would accept that this is the downside of having sex too soon and having expectations based on it. Many people change their minds after only a few dates - you two barely knew each other and he realized he wasn't interested in asking you out on another date.

[JustMizz]

I would accept that this is the downside of having sex too soon and having expectations based on it. Many people change their minds after only a few dates - you two barely knew each other and he realized he wasn't interested in asking you out on another date.

 

I actually expected this to happen when I agreed to have sex. I know it was my mistake. I told him I was scared to have sex because I didn't want him to stop talking to me, he told me that wouldn't happen because he likes me. And I know guys will say anything to get you to have sex. I'm chalking it up to me messing up, yet again. Maybe I have self-sabotage issues.

[cingularity83]

I think we are all missing the part where she says that she likes having sex!!??

I mean there's nothing wrong with that except that I guess you clearly want more from him than he's willing to give to you beyond just the sex.

 

If you like sex then you have to be an emotionally strong person and be ready for things happening like this OR maybe train yourself to find guys that will be more committed.

 

And people saying that the sex sucked - ouch!!!! Let's cut the girl some slack since we don't know exactly what happened ;-)

[JustMizz]

I think we are all missing the part where she says that she likes having sex!!??

I mean there's nothing wrong with that except that I guess you clearly want more from him than he's willing to give to you beyond just the sex.

 

If you like sex then you have to be an emotionally strong person and be ready for things happening like this OR maybe train yourself to find guys that will be more committed.

 

And people saying that the sex sucked - ouch!!!! Let's cut the girl some slack since we don't know exactly what happened ;-)

 

Yea, I don't think the actual sex is the problem. I thought he was more committed, it was my mistake.

[katrina1980]

 

I told him I was scared to have sex because I didn't want him to stop talking to me.

 

JM, don't ever say this or anything like this to a man ever again.

 

Wreaks of insecurity and neediness.

 

Have more confidence.

 

You should be thinking (to yourself) 'of course he's gonna want to keep seeing me after sex'!

 

I'm hot and give damn good sex!

 

Men can sense these things and I'm wondering now if the reason he bolted was even because of the sex.

 

He may have sensed that insecurity and desperation and got turned off because of that.

[Honeycomb8]

I feel like you jump into bed with guys so quickly, grow attached and trust them WAY too easily! You need to slow down. The definition of insanity is doing things over and over again and expecting a different result afterall.

[JustMizz]

I feel like you jump into bed with guys so quickly, grow attached and trust them WAY too easily! You need to slow down. The definition of insanity is doing things over and over again and expecting a different result afterall.

 

I had actually deleted the dating apps and was focusing on me. I had previously talked to him and hadn't heard from him for weeks and then he started texting me again. I agree, I need to stop doing this mess.

[JustMizz]

JM, don't ever say this or anything like this to a man ever again.

 

Wreaks of insecurity and neediness.

 

I know. I said it because I have blogged about past experiences and he has read my blog. Honestly, looking back, he kind of pressured me into the sex. Not saying I didn't want to, or that he forced himself on me, but yea....ugh.

[Honeycomb8]

How about getting to know someone more than just a few dates and clarifying exclusivity? Then having sex.

If you spend lots of time with someone for a good amount of time, they might start liking you more and developing actual feelings.

That way, when you guys have sex, it won't just be two strangers boning haha.

[JustMizz]

How about getting to know someone more than just a few dates and clarifying exclusivity? Then having sex.

If you spend lots of time with someone for a good amount of time, they might start liking you more and developing actual feelings.

That way, when you guys have sex, it won't just be two strangers boning haha.

 

I was really trying to do this. Just didn't work out that way. lol

[Honeycomb8]

I know. I said it because I have blogged about past experiences and he has read my blog. Honestly, looking back, he kind of pressured me into the sex. Not saying I didn't want to, or that he forced himself on me, but yea....ugh.

 

Don't give strangers your blog link. Makes you look like a bird with a broken wing lol and guys either get turned off, or take advantage. But own it. You wanted sex, you guys had it. Things didn't work out. Oh well, lesson learnt.

[figureitout23]

Because I like sex? lol. Honestly, I kind of just got caught up in things this time. I had no plans of having sex this weekend, but it happened. I'm not really upset about that, I'm just upset that now he's suddenly wanting to just be friends. It's not really about the sex, it's about the entire situation.

 

I like sex too...a lot...but I also like not wondering if the guys gonna bolt after we sleep together...

 

Look, its your prerogative, if you want to keep hopping into bed with these men, more power to you. Sometimes I wish I was capable of not getting attached by sex but I'm simply not built like that.

 

But you gotta own your choice. He could have someone else, he could have not liked the sex, he could be trying to get you to be a FWB, he could have realized he doesn't want to drive. None of that matters really because you two were casually dating for a couple of weeks and at any moment when you're casually dating someone, they can decide they don't want to continue and thats that, especially after such a short time. If it was indeed someone else, he has every right to do that. I personally think you're asking us if we think its someone else because you have expectation because you slept together.

[JustMizz]

I like sex too...a lot...but I also like not wondering if the guys gonna bolt after we sleep together...

 

Look, its your prerogative, if you want to keep hopping into bed with these men, more power to you. Sometimes I wish I was capable of not getting attached by sex but I'm simply not built like that.

 

But you gotta own your choice. He could have someone else, he could have not liked the sex, he could be trying to get you to be a FWB, he could have realized he doesn't want to drive. None of that matters really because you two were casually dating for a couple of weeks and at any moment when you're casually dating someone, they can decide they don't want to continue and thats that, especially after such a short time. If it was indeed someone else, he has every right to do that. I personally think you're asking us if we think its someone else because you have expectation because you slept together.

 

I only had expectations that we would continue seeing each other, not of a commitment, yet. He talked about future dates and such all the time, so it was easy for me to expect it. I'm trying to own this, at least I'm not blowing his phone up. lol