20 years old girl who needs advice.

[Applehead28]

Hello.

I'm 20 and I'm about to go to study to Cape Town.... but the thing is that I wanted to bring my boyfriend with me there so we can live together and help each other for the accomodation payements, and for my study payments. As I am working by myself to obtain enough money for me to be able to go there.... but the thing is that the only option remaining is a Mariage.... for me and my boyfriend to live together at Cape Towm... as I'll be the only one who will study there. It's been almost 1 year and a half since we are together... my parents approve this, but are not happy with the person I am with... as they wanted someone much better financially.

 

I don't know what to do.... Mariage will not be something that I'll not approve, but I'm scared of the reaction of my parents.

 

I don't want to live alone at Cape Town, but wanna do my study there, as I'll achieve my dream... in studying Astrophysics.

 

So, any advice will be the most welcomed.

Thanks.

[melancholy123]

Is it illegal there for unmarried opposite gender people to live together? It's 2017! You should never marry someone unless you really want to.

[rosephase]

I don't understand why you have to get married for you guys to share an apartment.

[Snny]

I wanted to bring my boyfriend with me there so we can live together and help each other for the accomodation payements, and for my study payments.

If you are looking for someone to move in JUST for financial security, get a roommate. Because if you and him decide to split, you are stuck with him potentially moving out and having to find another roommate.

 

the thing is that the only option remaining is a Mariage.... for me and my boyfriend to live together at Cape Towm... as I'll be the only one who will study there.

Not a good idea for several reasons:

 

1. You only dated him a year and a half. You do not know him well enough to commit your entire life to him.

 

2. You are still young to be making a life altering decision. There is a very high divorce risk for people for marry under 25.

 

3. You need to complete your education first before you can move onto marriage. I got married while studying for my master's and it was very difficult. My first year of marriage was not blissful, but me trying to not be distracted, not spending enough time with my new husband, and trying to graduate/find employment. Thankfully I had been with him for 10 years, that one more year of graduate school would not push us over.

 

4. You do not have a stable job. If you both move together, how will HE find work? Marriages takes a heavy financial responsibility.

 

Financial security only is the wrong reason for marriage. This is how some women become trapped in their marriages.

 

my parents approve this, but are not happy with the person I am with... as they wanted someone much better financially.

 

I don't know what to do.... Mariage will not be something that I'll not approve, but I'm scared of the reaction of my parents.

This will sound harsh, but it is the truth; if you are afraid of how your parents will react AND you depend on them, then you are NOT ready for marriage. Your parents will test your marriage boundaries and you have to be ready to stand up to them when needed.

 

On the other hand... If your boyfriend move with you and cannot find work to help pay for rent/utilities/groceries, then your parents aren't being boneheaded -- they are being realistic. They do not want to see you fail, especially if you are still dependent on them.

 

don't want to live alone at Cape Town, but wanna do my study there, as I'll achieve my dream... in studying Astrophysics.

You have to decide what is more important here -- a relationship or an education. And you will not be alone if you branch out your friendship circle. It won't be the same as not having the BF since high school around, but it will cut down on the loneliness/depression. How long are you going to be studying there? I had to be in an LDR for a couple years, plus another year to take a job somewhere I didn't know a single person. I lived and my relationship survived. If he is worth it, he will wait.

[Capricorn3]

As I am working by myself to obtain enough money for me to be able to go there.... but the thing is that the only option remaining is a Mariage.... for me and my boyfriend to live together at Cape Towm... as I'll be the only one who will study there. .

I don't understand why you have to get married to be able to live together? Do you want to marry for financial security and have him help you pay your bills and your study payments? If that's so, then you are marrying for all the wrong reasons and also just using him. That said, it doesn't look like he's financially well off anyway.

 

As to the overall picture - I would advise you focus on your own education which is something you will need for your future to be able to be independent and secure without needing help from others. Right now, your education should come first (imo).

 

Also, please read Snny's post above; She covers it well and nailed it.

[abitbroken]

Why does he have to go to CapeTown with you?? If you are going to school there -- then live in a dorm - or there are surely other young woman in the same situation looking for roommates? If he wants to move to Capetown, then he needs to find a job there and get his own place by himself or a male roommate. And if he doesn't move -- then visit eachother periodically. I would not set up house with this young man. Focus on your studies.