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15 years and I'm tired

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I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 10. Over the years I have dealt with verbal abuse and anger issues from him. Four years ago he bought a mobile home, but the home was unfinished, no kitchen counters, running water or stove. We live in a rural area,so there is a well nearby.He moved us in with the intent of getting all these things fixed. Its been four years and no progress. I cook by hot plate, microwave and convection oven. We have two children 10 year old and a 7 month old. Two months ago I got fed up with everything. The house, the way he talks to me everything, i left. Besides everytime he got mad at me he would tell me to leave his house, normally i would leave and come back, after about a week when he asked me to. But this time i got an apartment. I feel its best for me and the kids, but he just doesnt see that. He feels the kids and l will be better off with him, in his house. I was going to get a job move on with my life. But he wants us to move back, and i dont see any proof things will be differnent. He claims he wants his kids back at home and cant deal with us coming over on the weekends. And now im wondering do i really want this marriage? He has called me names like idiot, retard, dumb.He absolutly hates my family, doesnt want me around them. (Although there was a incident that happened last year,involving he and my brothers and perhaps my mother, i wasnt there and there was alchol involved, that resulted on a horrible fight.) I feel bad because im leaving and he has no family here other than me and the kids. Also he has been going through problems with the law. But the kicker is he blames most of this on me, the reason he is in so much trouble he says is if he had a good woman at home he would not be on the streets and getting in trouble. Which is also the reason why he hasnt finished the house. He says i left him when times got hard or uncomfortable for me. With hurts me the most because after 4 years of living with no running water, unfinished floors, not even a sink to put dirty dishes in, i think i have been more than cooperative. I guess i just wanted others opinions, i have no friends and my family is not much help without being biased.

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I would look into the possibility you may be depressed, I mean your post is a very depressing read. You feel everything in your life is out of your control, everything happens to you with you being powerless to do anything about it. You may believe that, but I don't think this is true. In marriage you should be a support to one another, and it doesn't look like you are a support to him and it also doesn't look like he is a support to you. That is a problem.

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My buddy's boyfriend works full-time and they have a little girl, and he manage to redo an entire trailer home including all the grounds, with a porch in less than 4 months on weekends, and they vacationed there this summer.


Even if he is your husband, it is not your job to fix him, or make him accountable for his own life. Think of this in bullet points:

called me names like idiot, retard, dumb...

He absolutely hates my family, doesn't want me around them (trying to isolate you; very abusive controlling tactic by the way)...

going through problems with the law...

he hasnt finished the house; no running water, unfinished floors, not even a sink to put dirty dishes in


You are not his punching bag. You deserve so much more, and your kids do too.


I guarantee you he's on his best behavior just to manipulate you to move back in. Don't rely on him anymore; he can't even muster the energy to at least get things set up for his own two kids. What does that tell you?


I'm sorry; he's a deadbeat. And when a person calls you an idiot - that's not love - that's abuse.

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what man expects his children and wife to live in a place that has no running water or stove?? Sorry, child services could have stepped in if you had no running water!! A well is running water IF its hooked up and there is plumbing -- but if the toilet doesn't work and they can't take baths or get water from the tap?? I get it -- some people just have nothing and no money -- but if you got an apartment its apparent that there was enough money to provide the basics.


Do not give one thought to "all he has are his kids" - if they were important to him, he would not be abusing their mother!


He hates your family because that means he can isolate you from them. make sure your kids grow up knowing YOUR family and seek legal help as far as establishing your custody.

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