Frustration

[Gettinup]

Hi all,

 

Would really like everyone’s opinions, thoughts, and experiences on this. Frustration!!!!

 

The whole story in on another thread but in summary ex walked on relationship (10 years), lived together (currently buying her out of mortgage), been gone for about 3 weeks, currently 8th day NC.

 

What I am finding at the moment is that I know I have to get up and re-boot my life if you will, as I can’t live in the past and get back what I once had. So I have been trying to focus on my academics and start picking up on hobbies and activities I have always wanted to do or have let slide, and to basically grieve, heal, and come to terms with this change.

 

But I seem to be struggling with the motivation to get stuck into some of the activities and getting frustrated at myself for not doing so. Example, Friday at work I made the point of taking my climbing gear with a view to hitting the wall after. I was really looking forward to it all day, but when I finished work I just all of a sudden didn’t want to go…. I knew I would enjoy once there but just couldn’t break the mind set to head home instead.

 

Same with running, went for a run this morning for about an hour than just had to stop and head back. I think I’m trying to take on too much too soon as opposed to baby steps, but defiantly frustrating.

[sicx]

First up, congrats on the 8 days of NC bro it's going well, keep it up.

As i've read in your other thread, you're 100% on the right track, keep up the keeping busy; and learning the new things you've always wanted, keep that brain active!

 

Motivation wise, don't worry about this, it happens. The mind is still going through such a huge change and trauma sometimes even things we use to occupy it aren't enough. I often go to the gym and think about nothing but my ex, nothing really gets done and I just head home again, these days happen. I wouldn't beat yourself up about your lack of motivation, even if it happens days at a time, sometimes it's good after such an experience to rest and grieve, chill out and be kind to yourself. I honestly see no problem or concern in doing this. Besides, after a long day at work, even without a breakup, the last thing you want to do is go work out.

 

On the other hand you must know when to draw the line, I think being upset and unmotivated is of course natural after a breakup, no doubt about it. But sometimes you must know when to give yourself that push, sometimes it's hard I know, but try really pumping yourself up before you go for a run or work out. Watch videos on youtube and get motivated, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, but it's down to you. Having a buddy to do these things helps too, let that other person give you a push to get going, maybe ask someone at work if they run, or join a club and see if you can steal a running buddy from there.

 

In the end, don't be frustrated, I think all of us on here (me especially) have days, or even weeks, when that motivation goes out the window and we just want to lay down and do sweet f/a, take as much time as you need and don't beat yourself up, you're doing well

[loip9114]

Oh yeah, this sounds familiar. There were a lot of things I wanted to do, but I didn't do. For example, I had been yelling for weeks I would take a sky-dive from a plane. When I was there, I just didn't feel like it. So I walked away and didn't do it.

Because that's one of the things I now tend to do, if I want to do something I'll do it. If I don't I wont, no problem. The thing in my head is that we are already going through enough, no need to put any further pressure on yourself.

 

Now I agree with what sicx says. There is of course a balance here. Sometimes it's fine to not want anything, for example lying in bed all day feeling miserable is fine if you do it sometimes. But if you do that every day, well that's bad. I skipped training last week, I didn't really feel like it, but that's fine. I had been working like crazy for that week and was exhausted from it. I got drunk and was hungover, now it's not bad to skip once in a while. So next week I'll be training again.

But yes, keep doing things. Keep going and keep moving. Both in life as well as physically.

 

About frustration, I don't know if you've read my entire thread. But frustration is a major player in my life right now xD. Tbh I find it hard to switch it off, but I do definitely see it is not helping me much for the better. I do use it sometimes as motivation. To release the frustration I need to do something that makes me feel good. For example, I am now finally close to finishing a course on Machine learning I started the week before we broke up. I should've finished it somewhere between the end of July or mid August. Yet here I am mid of September, and not done yet. And frustrated as hell, but it's only natural. Because the previous deadline would have been when there was nothing weird going on in my life. Now a breakup is weird, so cutting some slack.

But now that frustration is released as I am almost done, 1 week and I am done.

 

 

Not being motivated is not easy to turn into motivation, being frustrated, angry or pissed off is easy to turn into motivation. Maybe some days you can use that thought as well.

[eidetic]

Think of now as bereavement time. It is such a shock to the system when a partner leaves; it will take longer than you expect, to adjust. It's grief and a sea change to your daily life and all you expected.