What is the best approach to get her back? Mixed signals

[SK123]

I recently posted a thread about how my ex girlfriend and I had a good conversation about why we broke up and honestly after that I felt hopeful that we would be able to work things out eventually. However I need some help about how to approach this because I don't wanna ruin anything. Since we mostly broke up because we lost ourselves (our lives had started to revolve solely around each other) I've been spending the last days focusing on myself, reviving old hobbies, hanging out with friends etc.

 

After our last conversation, my ex girlfriend and I have been texting back and forth casually, and well yesterday, I snapchatted her a picture of how I was working on music again and I got this bitter text saying "I'm glad you're doing so well without me". I didn't reply because I was so confused, and then she sent another text saying "sorry I'm tired". I told her that I'm moving on with my life and trying to be happy, and she said that it seems like I'm happy and relieved that she's gone because I'm finally doing things that I didn't do anymore when I was with her and have the chance to get with other girls again (we jokingly talked about me picking up girls). She also said that if I'm this happy without her then she won't make an effort to get back together with me if she changes her mind in the future. I told her it's not fair of her to say that because I can't wait around for her... Honestly I don't understand her at all. She doesn't wanna be with me but I'm not allowed to be happy without her either?

 

I do still want her back because I love this girl to death and I feel like the issues we had are fixable, but I'm not sure what the best approach is. Do I go no contact? Do I continue to show her that I'm doing well?

 

Thanks for any help.

[Helpmesavethis]

Sounds like she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either... I would continue focusing on yourself. I think NC is best to move on (proving that to myself as we speak). It's too hard going back and forth with someone. You get too many mixed feelings, hence your post. I would maybe have one last chat stating you'd love to get back together but if she doesn't, you have to go on with your life one way or the other. It isn't that you're enjoying life without her so much, you just have to do what's best for you and your life. If she cannot understand that, she's the one with issues... Maybe suggest she does the same. I have decided if mine contacts me, I'm going to flat out tell him the only reason I want him to contact me is if he wants to work things out. Otherwise, it's over and we have no reason to be in contact with each other. Maybe we'll be friends down the road but I have to get on with my life without him in it and talking sporadically here and there isn't going to let me do that.

[MissCanuck]

She doesn't want you to move on before she finds your replacement. She doesn't want to be with you, but she wants to keep you as her safety net until she meets a new guy.

[DanZee]

(our lives had started to revolve solely around each other.)

 

Gee, that sounds like marriage or a really close relationship. What's wrong with that?

 

I understand that you might have been feeling a loss of independence, but when I was in a serious relationship, I wanted to be with my gf all the time. And now I'm with my wife all the time. Consider it a dry run for marriage.

[Rustysuit]

Gee, that sounds like marriage or a really close relationship. What's wrong with that?

 

I understand that you might have been feeling a loss of independence, but when I was in a serious relationship, I wanted to be with my gf all the time. And now I'm with my wife all the time. Consider it a dry run for marriage.

 

I don't really understand what is the problem of 2 people having a close relationship as well.

There's this myth going around that you can't be all that for your partner and that it is a sign of a toxic relationship.

 

Well, guess what. If you love each other you want to be around each other. Doesn't mean you need to be 24/7 and codependency can happen and that can lead to some problems down the road, but seriously, stop spreading this BS that you can't love each other properly unless you do this or that. Every relationship and every person is different. Do whatever works for both of you.