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Last fall I dated him... things went south. He lied to me back then about everything. And for no real reason other than it was easier for him to lie than to be honest. This time he fested up about everything or so I thought. I chose to give him another chance to prove me wrong about the person he showed me he was back then. (Not drug related)

So... at the end of things last time on his bday he fluffed me off and didn't spend it with me... we broke up a couple days later. But the day after his bday I surprise visited him at his place. He had said his friends got him trashed for his bday (30 years... a big one) and he stayed at a friend's that night cuz he had no way home.. His coffee table however had remainds of (coke) all over like someone partied hard recently and no one cleaned it up. I asked him about it he said it was his brothers... and not his. I completely believed that to be true because his brother is a major partier and my bf doesn't even smoke pot from what I thought. So I didn't question it at all. Never even brought drugs up again since.

 

Last week he lent me his phone for the day because mine wasn't working. I went through his texts with his brother... back from that bday until now... THIS past March.. When I strted talking to him again. He text his bro like 4 different times asking for hook ups 4 white... talks about the sketch bag he just got it off of.. and seems he only gets it when he's BORED (like does it alone and writes or watches tv?) I even took pics of them on my phone to show him as my proof if I chose to ask him about it. Since he has not messages his brother about it.

 

 

I just never would have thought he'd be the type to do major drugs when he DOESN'T even smoke pot (Yet there are remains of pot all over his place... again his brother... but I mean I'm starting to wonder.)

I don't want him to feel like I'm harrassing him about it... I just want him to be honest.

 

I'm about to leave the country to travel for 3 months-1 year.... that worries me to leave him but we plan on trying a ldr. However I know if I bring this up he may he hostel before I leave.... but then as in I think...if I do bring it up maybe he will be more so open to be honest now that I know? And less likely to do it while I'm gone and he's lonely and bored again. I just don't know what to do.

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He lied to me back then about everything. And for no real reason other than it was easier for him to lie than to be honest.

 

This is all you need to know. The drugs are an irrelevance. Enjoy your travels, but don't try to have a LDR; hopefully you'll be too busy doing wonderful things to think too much about him.

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How about you dump him and go about your life and your travels without a druggie bf and ldr bs dragging you down.

 

Also, you are not his mother, it's not your problem to worry about what he might do with you gone. Besides, he is doing whatever he wants anyway and knows how to lie and hide well enough to have you fooled up to now. Now it's on you to quit fooling yourself and making excuses like "oh gosh he only does it because he is bored". Aim higher than a loser.

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Let me give some advice from the other side. I was a drug user, addicted to a whole host of prescription medicines and like your boyfriend, an occasional coke user. I lied to my girlfriend about my addictions, she tried to help, I pushed her away and I lied some more. Over time, things got worse, I lied some more, denied I was in trouble. Short story...she had enough and left me. In fact, she like you went on a tour of the world on her own. She found a whole new world without me. She even went on a few casual dates with a man she met in New York. She had the time of her life partly because she didnt have my sorry ass to worry about.

 

As others have said, you need to move on. Like my ex-girlfriend, you have an amazing life to live, full of opportunity. Go for it and don't look back, there's nothing for you there.

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He showed you who he was the first time. Don't really understand why you would give someone who pathologically lies a second chance. Not very wise!

 

Life will be a lot easier, if you see people for who they are. He is a loser, liar and cheat!

 

Wake up!!!! Where is your self worth???? Certainly you can do better than this creep. He is bottom of the barrel!

 

Is this the same guy you had a restraining order against?

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Agreed. No need to confront - that will just lead to excuses and drama. Just break up with him.

 

First - you don't trust him. If you did, you would not have gone through his text messages.

 

Also, I know your heart is in the right place, but trying to monitor people and get them to behave a certain way is called "controlling". Even when it comes to drugs. Trying to control someone is never healthy or good.

 

He has shown you who he is. He is someone who lies and uses drugs. You shouldn't try to change him or 'fix' him - you should just go find someone honest and who does not use drugs.

 

Staying with him will be unhealthy to you both. It will 'teach' him that he can keep doing that without consequences (except maybe some yelling and drama) and after an extended period, you will start to think it's "normal" to check up on people this way (which will push healthy people away).

 

Be young, be free and enjoy your travels. It's a much better option for everyone.

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I think given that this was your last post

 

Well recently.. I saw he had an email with her...saying hed be more free to talk in a couple weeks (when I travel) so u was furious...confronted him and he denied it until I showed him the email in my hand that he happened to forget to delete. So I questioned all that's he's been saying lately.

 

you are both living a complete fantasy together ...you in the hope he is someone he is not , and him pushing every boundary you have ... You will be insane by the time you go away , and potentially run the risk of ruining your own adventures .

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He has shown you who he is. He is someone who lies and uses drugs. You shouldn't try to change him or 'fix' him - you should just go find someone honest and who does not use drugstore.

 

 

My wonder is......I never thought he did do drugs.

When ppl meet ..they say their expectations. Eg.. I don't smoke or do drugs and don't date ppl who do. He hears this then says....he doesn't do either....because he wants a chance to date me.

 

Unless I said...I'm a smoker and drug addict or date those....he would probably never fess up to doing either.

 

My point is....how would I ever know someone was unless they told me... but no user wants to tell non users.

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I think given that this was your last post

 

 

 

you are both living a complete fantasy together ...you in the hope he is someone he is not , and him pushing every boundary you have ... You will be insane by the time you go away , and potentially run the risk of ruining your own adventures .

 

Oh. .this guy again!? The one who has arranged to meet up with his ex while you're gone?

He needs to be kicked to the curb

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Would've replied sooner but it took me a good 10 minutes to complete my eye-roll. Going through his phone, "surprise visits," going through his bags. Lady, the guy is pretty much trash. Stop being a creeper and just dump him. But we can only emphasize that so much, especially given he's not here to chide. You gotta focus on you because it seems like there's gotta be some morbid interest in being able to help yourself to someone else's personal life like this. Don't let this relationship turn you into a total creeper. Just get out.

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This isn't me....wrong person your thinking

03-08-2017, 08:07 AM #2

justshine1 justshine1 is offline

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Holy freaking crap hahaha you sound exactly like the guy I have a restraining order against. Why harras someone.?!

 

Like send 1 maybe 2 texts. ....wait a reply....if u don't get one he doesn't want to reponde. Now your just forcing him to just say fine to Monday to get you off his back so he'll have time to actually work and then block your crazy ass hahaha

 

You need some dignity girl. Just reading all this stressed me out. And after the point u texted and he said he will talk later... you should have never sent anything back and just waited.

 

I'm very curious your age....you sound very young!

 

 

 

I read through some of your history. You have horrendous taste in men. I strongly suggest you seek therapy to find out why you are attracted to jerks and losers. Your picker is waaaaaaaay off, or you really like drama. You don't seem to value yourself much, and this is evident by your choices.

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You already knew that he lies. Now you're just aware of one of the reasons why he lies.

 

So now you want to manipulate him into saying something that will help you to duck back into some fantasy about him being an honest, drug free guy?

 

That's an awful lot of work to keep outrunning the truth about your BF. If you get honest first, you'll have no reason to try to trick him into getting better at tricking you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You immediately need to tell him he needs to quit AND stop hanging out with people who do the drug OR the relationship is over. Period.

 

Is it possible that people can stop taking the drug and have a nice life afterwards? Sure, but it's not easy. When I moved to another city for university I had a close friend call me and tell me he was addicted to the drug to the point he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted to leave his city and start a new life. I was really sad and shocked to hear that. I told him he could move to my city and stay on my couch to find a new job and get sorted out. Fast forward 10 years later, he is now happily married to a really nice nurse, they bought a gorgeous house, came back from a trip to Santorini, and I am happy for him...

 

So he either quits tomorrow and gets rid of those friends or he is out! You can't wait any more time with this.

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You immediately need to tell him he needs to quit AND stop hanging out with people who do the drug OR the relationship is over. Period.

 

Is it possible that people can stop taking the drug and have a nice life afterwards? Sure, but it's not easy. When I moved to another city for university I had a close friend call me and tell me he was addicted to the drug to the point he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted to leave his city and start a new life. I was really sad and shocked to hear that. I told him he could move to my city and stay on my couch to find a new job and get sorted out. Fast forward 10 years later, he is now happily married to a really nice nurse, they bought a gorgeous house, came back from a trip to Santorini, and I am happy for him...

 

So he either quits tomorrow and gets rid of those friends or he is out! You can't wait any more time with this.

 

He is a loser, liar and a cheat. It is not only about addiction but, the fact that he has zero character,

 

She should be done with him.

 

Most importantly, he does not want to stop.

Edited by Hollyj
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I am a cocaine addict. I will be honest with you and tell you that I am manipulative, a liar, a hustler, and an opportunist. These awful characteristics are not really who I am, of course, but what the drug has made me into. The disease of addiction is progressive, and can be fatal. Do you want a significant other who is like me? Get rid of him now and spare yourself the agony and pain you will definitely experience with a cocaine addict. Please.

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  • 2 months later...

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