Best friend & her cheating partner.

[Pepski]

My best friend's partner is a serial cheater. His most recent stunt was having a nine month affair with my next door neighbour.

 

I'm currently with my best friend's brother who also lives with me. Best friend found out that the first time he had slept with our next door neighbour is when she was in hospital sitting with his mother who had a severe stroke. He had my next door neighbour in her house, in her bed, the whole night long and got into my car the next day whilst I drove him to see his dying mother and acted like nothing had happened..

 

His mother sadly passed away, which obviously hit his family and my best friend hard (she was very close to the lady) but my friend had to come home and return to work. She was barely able to walk onto the train home, she was absolutely heartbroken.. And the second she was on her way home, he was exchanging nudes in his mother's house with my neighbour.

 

Months later, us still having no idea, he bought her a 'Valentine's Weekend' and sent her away for three days.. Purely so he could have an empty house to invite my neighbour into. He sneaked, planned, lied and made a complete fool of everyone around him.

 

It's been a few months since my friend found out, and she's chosen to forgive him (yet again) but I can't stand the guy. I can't look him on the eye. I try and be civil for my friend's sake, but it's like they've all just swept it under the carpet and forgotten about it. Even my partner, who is my best friend's brother, acts like nothing happened when the guy is around - yet my neighbour is all the s, he wants her to die etc.

 

Yeah, she got involved with a taken man but that's as far as her part goes. He had been flirting with her for months, my neighbour wasn't the one in a relationship, scheming and lying and sneaking.

 

I'm just so pissed and my best friend's partner, I don't want his friendship because the trust is gone with him. I can be civil to make my best friend's life easier, but I don't want anything to do with him. And now my partner is back acting like his buddy and that pisses me off even more.

 

How do I deal with this? How do I stop being angry and catch this situation before it causes friction between my partner and I? The hypocrisy makes my blood boil. He says horrible things about my neighbour, but acts like the one who actually betrayed his sister has done no wrong?

[happyfrank]

Stop being friends with her. She doesn't care what you think. For your own sanity. I would call off the relationship. As her brother/boyfriend. He needs to let her make her own decisions. He could be upset but what can he do?

 

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink

[DancingFool]

It's a tough situation and I feel your pain. Thing is though is that your bestie is aware and has decided to turn a blind eye and stay with this cheating a hole, so there is really nothing that you can do or say about it other than grin and bear it and pretend all is well. It seems like your bf is dealing with this by directing his anger at the one person he can - the neighbor. He is not being so much a hypocrite in this case, as he is accepting his sister's decision to keep dating that loser and making the situation palatable for himself the best that he can. He is really between the rock and the hard place in terms of sister and her bf, same as you are. For as long as she chooses to sweep it all under the rug and turn a blind eye on this, the rest of you don't have much or a choice about it either. I mean you can come and vent here about what a piece of garbage she is dating but that's about it. Try not to turn this into a rift between you and your bf. Somehow I suspect that the moment his sis dumps him, your bf will be the loudest about calling her ex for the garbage that he is.

[Pepski]

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. You're right, I know my partner will do exactly that if she finishes with him.

 

Do you have any advice on how I stop being so angry about it all? I love my best friend more than life and I want so much better for her. I've always supported her decisions and always will, I know she's in love and it's not always as easy as walking away, but I'm worried I'll never be able to accept him just because she does.

[tattoobunnie]

Hire a Private Detective, have them take pictures, and mail them to her directly anonymously. And suggest maybe the neighbor sent it to piss her off. Either way, if you confront her head on, you most likely will lose her as a friend.

[DancingFool]

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. You're right, I know my partner will do exactly that if she finishes with him.

 

Do you have any advice on how I stop being so angry about it all? I love my best friend more than life and I want so much better for her. I've always supported her decisions and always will, I know she's in love and it's not always as easy as walking away, but I'm worried I'll never be able to accept him just because she does.

 

Give yourself some space from this whole situation - a mini vacation of sorts to clear your mind and get out of the rut. I know what caring about a friend is when they are making horrible choices. I had a bestie stuck with an abuser. It sucks. Honestly though, the best you can do is just focus on your friendship and not on their relationship. Go out and do fun girl things and leave the guys behind. Break up how much time you spend with her into palatable chunks. Eventually she will wake up and then she will need your support to get out and move on.

 

On the other hand if you try the above and it just keeps eating at you then there comes a point where you have to call it quits on the friendship and find new friends. Unfortunately, sometimes that happens too. People change and once their values and what they do no longer agrees with you, you've got to let them go.

[DancingFool]

Hire a Private Detective, have them take pictures, and mail them to her directly anonymously. And suggest maybe the neighbor sent it to piss her off. Either way, if you confront her head on, you most likely will lose her as a friend.

 

The friend already knows her loser of a poor excuse of a bf is cheating on her. She is willfully turning a blind eye on it.

[tattoobunnie]

Seeing it in pictures - there's no blocking that out. I always want my friends to be honest with me good or bad, so at least I can resolve what's going on. She may been convinced he would never do it again.

[DanZee]

The only solutions I see is you either ignore what is happening or you dump your boyfriend and kick your best friend and her brother, your boyfriend, out of the house so you don't have to deal with the situation. Your friend apparently doesn't mind being cheated on, and your bf is a jerk. So either ignore things or clean house.