I don't know what he wants

[angela0823]

Hello, guys.

 

Okay, so I was with him for about 2 months..

and I broke up with him and at the time I made it quite clear that I don't do friends with my exes

 

and a week after the breakup, I texted him and we met

I was quite drunk. I asked him whether he still likes me and he said yes.

He also said you're so cute when youre drunk and he kissed me, we kissed a lot.

we didn't have sex, because he said he doesnt want to take advantage of me. idk.

 

and then the very next day, I was embarrassed for what I did, I couldnt quite remember what I did and what I said

my friends said if he really cares about you then he would text you first so I waited

and he texted me in the evening.

 

And he made it clear that he doesnt want to get back together right away

and he said he doesnt want me to expect him to come back even though he said "I miss you too"

 

So I said, "okay then I cant just pretend to be cool around you, I should let you go."

And then he didnt reply. so I thought that's over.

and I thought I've kinda made it quite clear that I don't want to be friends with my ex.

 

about a month later, he texted me, recently, asked me how things are going

and I have a big project in a month so he said he remembered a big project is coming and wished me the best

and he asked me when the project finishes and I replied and he asked me whether I want to go to somewhere with him once i'm done with my project.

 

I was so confused because, again, I thought I've made it clear that I don't become friends with my exes.

But then I just don't wanna overthink and assume things so I just said "ok, why not"

 

And recently I checked his social media(I haven't since we broke up), and seems he has a new gf.

idk.. seems like things are not quite going well tho. It's just all my guess. I'm not sure.

 

but definitely after the breakup, he dated someone

 

so my question is... do you guys agree that I've made it clear that I don't wanna be friends with my ex?

why did he text me out of the blue? especially, when he has a new gf. what do you guys think he's up to?

 

btw, he is a kind of person who still contacts with his exes.

that's why I tried to make it clear twice.. that I don't do friends with my exes like the first time we broke up,

and the last time when he said he didnt want me to expect him to come back.

 

Thanks for reading and your time

[IAmFCA]

no, you've not made it clear. your actions suggest you might be open to whatever. "ok, why. not?" ... because. you don't want to be friends, fwb, casual, anything. why even have contact?

 

Do you know what you want?

[angela0823]

I do not have his contact, it's him who texted me. Then should I have said like I don't wanna be friends when he recently texted me?

I didn't do that, because I thought that's like overreacting to his text. I didn't want to make any drama and bring up negative feelings.

[IAmFCA]

I do not have his contact, it's him who texted me. Then should I have said like I don't wanna be friends when he recently texted me?

I didn't do that, because I thought that's like overreacting to his text. I didn't want to make any drama and bring up negative feelings.

 

just ignore his texts

 

when he says why ? say "because we broke up?"

[angela0823]

I'm just wondering whether he wants to be friends or... I don't know what he wants.

[Rustysuit]

I'm just wondering whether he wants to be friends or... I don't know what he wants.

 

why don't you ask him? and if you don't like the answer you can summon all the courage you have left and say "I deserve better and more than whatever this is you're giving me."

[RedDress]

This is all just guesses and opinion - but I don't think he's trying to get back together. I think he's trying to be friends.

 

Why?

 

Because I've never known anyone to pre-plan wanting to get back together in a month. Which is half of the length of your relationship. When someone wants to get back together, they are more likely to do what you did - "what are you doing right now?" or want to talk about what went wrong.

 

Also - the project thing is a bit of a red herring. Yes, you have a big project. But even if you were doing your Phd, everyone needs study breaks. That's just the way the human brain works. No one can study or work 24/7 and I'm sure if you wanted to get back with him too, you'd find time for a coffee. It's kind of a convenient excuse that buys him time, IMO.

 

Personally, I think you should just cut contact and be "Busy" that day (and the day after, and the day after that...)

[angela0823]

why don't you ask him? and if you don't like the answer you can summon all the courage you have left and say "I deserve better and more than whatever this is you're giving me."

 

yea, but I think it's a bit weird that I asked him why he texted me recently.

so I will ask him when he texts me again, if he does, maybe after my project, I guess.

Thank you. your comment just reminded me of what I've forgotten.. that I deserve better and more than he's giving me right now.

[j.man]

You dumped him. Why does it matter? Just block him.

 

The guy's not wronging you and, based solely on what you've provided, it's not a matter of you "deserving better." Don't dump people wanting or expecting them to crawl back. Guy seems to have respected your decision and wants to be friends. If you want to be friends, be friends. If you don't, say "no thanks" and ditch his number.

[angela0823]

This is all just guesses and opinion - but I don't think he's trying to get back together. I think he's trying to be friends.

 

Why?

 

Because I've never known anyone to pre-plan wanting to get back together in a month. Which is half of the length of your relationship. When someone wants to get back together, they are more likely to do what you did - "what are you doing right now?" or want to talk about what went wrong.

 

Also - the project thing is a bit of a red herring. Yes, you have a big project. But even if you were doing your Phd, everyone needs study breaks. That's just the way the human brain works. No one can study or work 24/7 and I'm sure if you wanted to get back with him too, you'd find time for a coffee. It's kind of a convenient excuse that buys him time, IMO.

 

Personally, I think you should just cut contact and be "Busy" that day (and the day after, and the day after that...)

 

Well, I don't think he pre-planned to get back together, either.

I just assume that maybe things are not going well with his new gf and just wants to have me his backup plan or something like that.

I mean why does he want to be friends with me? it's such a short relationship

and now he has a new gf and why wished me the best and asked me to go somewhere with him, out of the blue.

so confused

 

so, i guess it's not a good idea to see him anyway?

[angela0823]

You dumped him. Why does it matter? Just block him.

 

The guy's not wronging you and, based solely on what you've provided, it's not a matter of you "deserving better." Don't dump people wanting or expecting them to crawl back. Guy seems to have respected your decision and wants to be friends. If you want to be friends, be friends. If you don't, say "no thanks" and ditch his number.

 

you're right. it's me who started everything and screwed things up

but, i haven't expected anything from him after he said he didn't want me to wait for him.

so I was just confused why he texted me out of the blue, and what he wants.

 

well, next time, if he ever texts me again, i will ask him

[IAmFCA]

I find it difficult and distracting to wonder what the other person wants.

 

What do you want? If you want to be friends and he can stay in his lane, then build in that direction. If you don't, then you can ignore him, ignore your own curiosity about why he does what he does, and put your focus on your own path.

 

Sounds to me like thinking about his intentions is a welcome distraction for you, but not a productive one. Dump that train of thought and replace it with something that challenges you, that you are dreading but remains on your to do list, or is otherwise requiring your attention.