BlueCloud25 Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I began dating this guy a year ago now but we broke up last May because I found out that he cheated on me with someone else. I specially told him that if I ever found out that someone was cheating on me, I would never be their friend again. He stressed that it was a "purely sexual" thing and not emotional which I do believe but he still flat out lied to me. For a few weeks after breaking up with him, we still texted each other occasionally because I still had feelings for him obviously. It was just too much though and I stopped talking to him for the entire summer. Now that college is back in session though, I see him around campus all the time but we haven't spoken. Yesterday, he gave me this letter though and I can't for the life of me decide what to do. On one hand, I just want to move on and to some extent, it's hard for me to even look at him. If you were in the same situation, what would you do? Here is the main part of the letter he gave me: It’s a little ironic that writing is the most effective way for me to deal with emotions being that it is also my least favorite activity. On second thought though, perhaps it’s fitting. I’m not one to let emotion interfere with my daily doings and I don’t like devoting resources to them. As you probably know all to well, it seems I operate best by ignoring them. That is until I can’t any longer, by some fault of my own or by another demanding that I recognize them. Case in point, my mom. “Sweep it under the rug”, commands my unconscious. I see the same behavior regarding my emotions between you and I. Self inflicted these may be, they still exist. And every time I go to IEEE or enter ECE 304 or ECE 306, I’m forced to confront what lie under that rug. I can act like everything is fine and I can talk to Chris and Issac about some ultimately pointless technical topic. But in the end when the stage curtain falls and the acting is done, I go back to maintaining my imaginary room and the rug that blankets its floor. Prior tides of emotion, always rising and falling, were dealt with by writing letters in my journal. This is the latest of these letters but the only one written with an actual intent for you to read it. These last two days have surprisingly been some of the hardest for me, likely because of how often I see you around campus. I so badly want to talk to you but I’m left feeling helpless, unwelcome and not in my place. And so I leave carrying on with the rest of the day as if everything is fine. It was only after these last two days of waking up from a dream that I decided to finally write to you. We can never be close like we once were, I acknowledge that and I certainly don’t want to get in the way of your own life. Regardless of our previous relationship, you were my best friend and I want to have some of that back, even if only but a fragment of what it once was. I’m not even asking you to actively be friendly, just to talk with me and interact. All of this pain is my fault, I know, but ending every class with you by casually walking out the door is simply torturous. Not being able to text you about a 304 problem is torturous. And not even being able to ask what you’ve been up sucks absolute ass. I never plan to forgive myself for what I did to you and how I betrayed your trust. I don’t even think that is within my conscious power. But I wouldn’t be sitting here writing a letter to you begging for your interaction if I never cared for you. I, more than anyone else, know of my glaring flaws and it’s I who must deal with them every day. So I ask you directly, can I have one last chance at being your friend? Even if that only means the kind of friend you talk to when you need help with a class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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