My boyfriend called my by his exs name..

[Mmaritza2013]

I want to first begin with that I've been with my boyfriend for seven months. Everything seemed great and we always have a good time together. Yesterday though everything changed. From one moment to another my happiness completely slipped away. We went to the park to hang up a hammock since the weather was great that day. We were laying there, swinging each other and just having a great time relaxing and talking to one another. I was laying on top of him while we were swinging. He looks at me and tells me "I'm so in love with you Tania" ... that might not seem like a problem, but the funny thing is my name is not Tania. Tania is the name of his ex girlfriend, which they have been together for 5 years and lived together for 2 years of those 5 years. I felt like my heart stopped for a moment as I looked at him and I asked him to tell me what he said. He looked at me scared and panicked because he knew exactly what he had done. He tried to deny to for about a minute but I knew what I had heard. He finally admitted to me that he recently came across some notes that she gave to him during their relationship and he read them. I'm so hurt that he would call me by his ex girlfriends name in such a beautiful moment. At the time when he was saying how in love with me he supposedly is. I'm so lost and hurt, I've never had this happen to me before so I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I do love him and I don't want to leave him. But is this a sign that he is still in love with her ? He tells me that he has no lingering feelings for her and that it was just a slip of the tongue. I don't know what to believe. Please help me

[Honeycomb8]

Five years is a long time. When did they break up? How long was he single for?

[Mmaritza2013]

They broke up in 2015 so he was single for about a year and a half

[rosephase]

Eh... I wouldn't take it personally. I occasionally call my current partner, my best friend and random coworkers by my exs name. It's a verbal tick not a misidentification. I'm just really used to saying her name. Even a good year after we broke up.

[j.man]

Five years is a decent amount of time to be with someone. First offense, I'd chalk it up to muscle memory. I'd be more worried if there are other signs such as him talking frequently about her. Reading the letters could be a red flag, but as a completely baseless hunch, I'm guessing he threw that out there because he felt you weren't in a place to accept "it was an accident" as an answer.

 

But that's me. A year and half in, I start giving my partner at least a little benefit of the doubt.

[FirstDates]

He probably felt really stupid = denial.

[Starlight925]

I don't like that he tried to deny it, but when he was finally forced to admit it, he 'fessed up to reading her letters. Reading old letters is ok I guess, but I don't like the way he went about with the denial and the ultimate coming clean.

 

My exBF called me by his ex's name one day, which I wrote off to no big deal (but it wasn't in a tender loving moment like yours, OMG). But the next week, he was trying to remind me of an event I had gone to, with this whole big story...it was about his ex. Then I kept observing, and it turned out to not be a one-off, in my case.

 

I guess what I'm saying is to just observe for now, counting this as a yellow flag.

 

This wouldn't make anybody happy.

 

He should have felt mortified, but instead, he tried to play it off as that you must have mis-heard. Me no likey.

[Honeycomb8]

I don't actually think a year and a half is that long after a 5 year relationship, where two of it was them living together.

He probably does still has feelings for her. It hasn't been that long.

[glitterfingers]

So what if he still has feelings for her? Most people maintain some sort of feelings for people they were with for significant portions of their lives. Whether those feelings are anger, remorse at the mistakes they made during/after the relationship, hurt, relief, nostalgia, positive memories etc. These all fall on the same spectrum in reality as they signal that the person has not had enough time to completely forget/move on from that part of their lives. And a little over 2 years later, how could you expect him to have? My ex of 3 years and I split up at the start of 2015, and the impact he had on my life is still very real and lasting. But that experience shaped me and made me into the person I am today, and made me a better partner and more compatible with my current boyfriend. If you can't accept your partner for his past, why are you with him? That's a part of who he is.

 

You need to stop reading into it and taking it personally. It was a slip of the tongue. It doesn't sound like he's been up late at night behind your back whispering those words into the phone to her and then accidentally saying them to you. It sounds like he meant to say he was very much in love with YOU, but her name came out because he hasn't felt the same way for anyone since her and that's what was a habit for him.

 

I'd take it as a sign his feelings for you are genuine and forgive his mistake. Don't let your ego/pride blow this out of proportion. He clearly meant that he loves you

[MissCanuck]

Eh, I think it really was an accident, OP. I don't think there's some deeper meaning; it was a slip of the tongue. Unfortunate yes, but I think you're making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is.

 

If you have seen no other signs that he still has a soft spot for her, then I would not hold this over his head. If it keeps happening, then you might have something to worry about.

[Clio]

My cousin did that, calling his then girlfriend by his ex wife's name. More than once. It meant nothing. Just a slip of the tongue. She didn't hold it against him. They are now married and have a child.

[pippy longstocking]

I have done this before ..honest you just want to die on the spot and burn in hell for all eternity ..I would have also tried to deny it if I thought I could of gotten away with it ...It is not nice for either side , but don't let this be this massive drama and your moment ruined ...for life

[Helpmesavethis]

One of my ex's called me by his ex's name all the time. We'd laugh about it. He did have a child with her so had to deal with her still but it never really bothered me thankfully.

[Giblesp]

Just mis association in the mind. This actually happens to quite a few people. Your in a new relationship and you go through all your exs names until you get to the name of your present partner.

Look at his actions not his words.

[Seraphim]

My step dad still occasionally calls my mother by his first wife's name his first wife died 30 years ago . He has been with my mom for 25 years the same length of time he was with his first wife . My husband occasionally calls me by his sister's name and his sister by my name . Just an accident of speech .

[AtitAgain]

I almost did this the other day with my current girlfriend. I was with my ex for about 5 years as well, married for 2.5 of those years. You just get so used to the name, and it is reflex. I have no feelings for my ex. Thank god I managed to catch myself before it slipped out......

[nutbrownhare]

I wouldn't give it a second thought... unless it was to tease him about it...! He's probably cringing with embarrassment at what sounds like nothing more than a slip of the tongue.

 

You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing you're still young and haven't really built up that much history of your own. Many of us have mementoes and memories of previous relationships which have no more significance than any other parts of our past. If things are all good between you after seven months, it would be a great pity if you let one silly incident change all that.

 

Now, if he were trying to get you to change your name to Tania, get your hair/makeup styled like hers and wear any clothes she'd left lying around the place - then you might have something to worry about!

 

Otherwise, just let it go...

[j.man]

My husband occasionally calls me by his sister's name and his sister by my name

Proud to say I've never called my lady an ex's name, but I HAVE called her my sister's name on a couple occasions. Honestly not sure what's worse, but she hasn't on any occasion raised a stink about it. She's also called me her brother's name once.

 

I don't think the incident is alarming, even factoring in him trying to backpedal. It's an embarrassing moment and, depending on OP's reaction, it sounds like he just went into self-preservation mode with a, "I.. uh... no??"

 

It would be any other details not divulged that would probably tip me off to any valid concerns; certainly not this.

[sara-pezzini]

I have called my new guy my exes name, not to him, yet! But when talking about him.... it happens quite often actually.... new guy is new and ex was all i talked about and thought about for 11 years so it's a reflex and doesn't mean anything!

It does sound weird to me as well when i tell my girlfriends how great exes name kisses when i mean new guy.... oh well we laugh it off.....

[Krankor]

One time I accidentally called my ex-girlfriend by my sister's name. And then later I called my sister by her name. Both times it was while I annoyed with either of them but still, that was weird...