Boundaries help!

[thornz]

Right so after some advice from you lovely people and my friends I have to got myself in a situation to attract friends and dates, which has swiftly reminded me why I ended up trying to avoid this position in the first place!

 

Being pursued by a lovely guy but I'm not interested as he's too old to realistically see myself having kids with, plus he's a bit camp which doesn't do it for me. Anyway I'm now where I was when I started being avoidant because we will be meeting tomorrow as part of a group and he has made his interest very clear, told me in person he wants to date me, tried to kiss me twice (went for French second time but I pulled out of that quick time), messaged me after our meeting (as a group but we went for food together after) with his number etc.

 

So here I am with my terrible boundaries and poor assertiveness wondering how the hell to get out of this before he gets ideas. How do I shut this down tactfully and early without getting all y about it or making a scene?

 

Historically I've always struggled with this and just avoided people or tried to subtly state my lack of interest whilst remaining friendly and it hasn't worked so then I've got mad about it because I've never been heard or acknowledged when I have needed something or expressed my boundaries so I expect that they will be ignored.

 

So the meet is tonight. Advice please. I want to shut this down swiftly and in a nice way before he gets ideas it's going somewhere xxx

[SherrySher]

Can you text him? Send a text saying.."Hey person, I wanted to be straight forward with you and let you know that I think you're a nice guy but I would prefer if we remained friends".

 

It's honest, it's adult and no mixed messages.

 

Then when we do go to the meet up follow it up by enforcing what you said, and no touching or hugging and definitely no kissing.

[SherrySher]

And how old is he? Just out of curiousity.

[pippy longstocking]

Can you text him? Send a text saying.."Hey person, I wanted to be straight forward with you and let you know that I think you're a nice guy but I would prefer if we remained friends".

 

It's honest, it's adult and no mixed messages.

 

Then when we do go to the meet up follow it up by enforcing what you said, and no touching or hugging and definitely no kissing.

 

^^^ this covers it ...

[thornz]

And how old is he? Just out of curiousity.

 

I would guess mid 50's. He has a daughter 9 years my juniour.

[thornz]

Can you text him? Send a text saying.."Hey person, I wanted to be straight forward with you and let you know that I think you're a nice guy but I would prefer if we remained friends".

 

It's honest, it's adult and no mixed messages.

 

Then when we do go to the meet up follow it up by enforcing what you said, and no touching or hugging and definitely no kissing.

 

Great, thanks, I could just reply to his email with that. I'll say:

 

Hi person, I don't want to D you about, you seem lovely but I would prefer to remain friends. See you later x

 

(We are going to cinema as a group)

[Batya33]

I agree with the above. He's an adult and it's not a big deal or a reason to avoid dating.

[thornz]

Well that was easy, he replied saying that's it's cool and it will be great getting to know me as I seem lovely too.

 

Thanks for your sound advice xx