DeepBlueSea Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Okay..here is my story.I am 36 and she is 34 Some 6 years back I went into a telephonic relationship with this girl. a year after that we got engaged. we remained engaged for some 3 1/2 year. During the 3 years our relationship ranged from being in love to she driving me to suicide. I could never understand her. I have always pictured myself as a gentleman and I thought at the time its not acceptable to go back on your word. Long story short(very long story). We got married. 2 Happy Months, petty fights, fourth months after the marriage I read about her drug use on her cell(she denied). Next two months were spent quarrelling on petty issues. after six months I told her to move back to her mom's as I was afraid I was going to do something stupid like hitting her.. or worse. I had backed up her cellular phone data somehow on my computer. I was going through it step by step and she was busy in casting a web of lies which ended up entangling her. So in short she was an addict, Heroin addict to be precise. Of that there is no doubt. She had a fling and contact with atleast one guy(it turns out from data). And numerous emotional affairs and objectionable behaviour. Well die is the cast. After 2 months of careful consideration I realised the hopelessness of my situation. No Love, No Loyalty, Extreme Manipulation, bleak future(myself possibly turning into an addict), I kept trying to find a doubt or even a reason.... After two months of torturing myself I was unable to. So I divorced her, we are Muslims living in a Muslim state so comparatively its fairly a straightforward, inexpensive and easy procedure. I have been asking myself same questions over and over again, how did I miss it? Well, she was probably very careful and either probably had the relapses that she did when visiting her folks. Or alternatively she used to smoke up heroin when I was asleep and kept watching tv. I was't really looking for signs as I did't suspect any kind of drug use, let alone heroin. Whatever I ask myself these questions for? What difference does it make now? Now she has mostly had a negative impact on 6 most important years of my life. I don't blame her for all my issues. I have my flaws. She cursed me and blamed me for not forgiving her etc. I don't even know what alternative option did I have? Drug use? After marriage? Emotional affairs? Affairs after Eng and before marriage? Her behaviour and constantly trying to play mental games? Mostly I am sad for the situation and for what she has done to her life(mostly) and I feel sad that if I had met a girl who appreciated me the story would have turned out differently. After I realised about drugs and realised this whole relationship is a lie (imagine the torture of going through her data), I felt lost. Its like the whole future sketch turned to blank paper. Over the last few weeks I have worked a little on it and although its not clear(it never is) I do have some vague sketch of a sketch. I abused alcohol for years, after Engagement abuse became worse. I don't know why. It was probably because I was treating her like a normal person when she was an unstable compulsive liar manipulative drug addict. I would probably never know the extent of her addiction, one year is enough for me but I do suspect something like 5-8 years. Her brother is an addict who for last 10 years goes into a rehab, back, starts again, crashes and back to rehab. So I guess she was more careful and only on the smoking part or the hell I know. Had it not been for her cell phone and her own words I would't believe it. Even now at times I have difficulty grasping it. But its a fact.. It happened.. Sigh.. It feels good to have it off my chest. Thank you for reading. Although its just the tip of iceberg but thats sort a just of it... What should I do now? I am looking to approach my life from a different angle. I have given up alcohol. I .. am having difficulty trusting people.. I gave her my love my loyalty..my heart. everything I could and yet she did't even like me back or respect me or care for me. Is the world really like soap operas at time? Well back to the New Approach.. I .. rarely trusted people and now I am weary of the handful I do or did trust. I am changing the approach to life, some kind of risk is always involved in trusting someone. but .. sigh.. Should I have "forgiven her"? what could I have done? if by forgiveness she meant that she hurts me and that she wants forgiveness thats a different issue and knowing myself, when I move on I would forget her..in another life. but what she meant was taking her back. All she was afraid of was losing face, I did't (don't) trust her to the extent that I do think she is capable of poisoning me.Thanks for reading, feedback..advise welcomed... Link to comment
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