Gettinup Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Hi all, Been lurking here for a few weeks, but finally ready to post my story (after a bit of account trouble and possible double thread post). Apologies if it’s a bit long and all over the place, still a tad scatty brained at the moment. I broke up with my ex a couple of weeks ago, im 35m ex 28f. We were living together and brought our first house in 2015, I was her first proper partner and she was my second. When I first met this girl I was working a full time job at the time which I didn’t like, and she was about to start uni, It was a local uni so I knew we would still be able to see each other. But I can tell you I was so inspired by this girl that it made me reflect on my own life back then to what I was doing, where I was going, and what I could offer this blossoming partnership. As she was finishing her final year at uni I left a full time job to also attend uni to re-train, typically my work colleagues at the time and some of her family thought I was daft for leaving full time work to study. It did mean that I had to stay with my folks longer than I would have liked but I also knew the challenge of uni was worth it, and the pay off at the end would be far greater for the both of us. But as I was at uni she was working a job which she did not enjoy, plus there was also issues at her home with her mums boyfriend taking an instant dislike of me, so whenever I was round he would go upstairs as to not engage. This caused a very stressful home life of which she felt she could not stay there, so she came to stay with me and my family whilst I was attending university. It was a little cramped but we were both happy in our own bubble. In hindsight it was quite a close relationship where we depended so much on each other at the expense of other areas of our life. She didn’t have many friends and I let a lot of mine slip as I wanted to always be there for her. But it worked for us, we were working towards our future together, enjoying each other’s company, holidays and day trips and all the fun things that go with a partnership. Things were still rough with her family and it took a good 6 – 7 years before it just sort of corrected itself that we could go round and visit. But when we brought the house in 2015 that’s where it started to fall apart with us. We had a great first year in the house but when 2016 hit that’s when she started to pull away. Things were sorted with her family at last so she could go back and see them, but then she also had doubts about us. I sensed something was wrong and pressed her on the issue, she said she didn’t know what she wanted in life anymore and only knew herself in the relationship with me. But after a couple of weeks of giving her space she came back home and worked through it. I told her that I wanted to build this home with her and have the nice things that go with it, family, marriage etc. Things seemed to then be back on track, but then again out of the blue this August she bolted to her sisters, again same thing, didn’t know what she wanted and who she was. What made it worse is that she couldn’t even pull the trigger to breakup with me…. I just got kept being told that she doesn’t know how we can fix it…. I had to say to her that the only option then is that we breakup…. How crazy is that, she walked away from all of this and I had to breakup with her!!! To be fair I understand what she is saying, we got together quite young and she wants to figure out who she is on her own, doesn’t mean it stops it hurting any less though. I tried my best to fight to save us but the writing was on the wall. So fast forward to now, she has moved her stuff out, and I am in the process of buying her out the mortgage to keep the home. I have been trying to keep to no contact but untangling a life and a house is hard going. I spoke to her for the first time in a week yesterday to make an offer on her share of the house, it was too soon to talk and I was a jibbering wreck. It’s only been 2 – 3 weeks so I am suffering from all the feels that go with a break, I’ve lost the one, blown my only chance of love, feeling every bit of 35, empty house, numb…. You name it. But now being outside of the bubble I also know that it highlighted that we were too dependent on each other. I have been working through my grief and trying to stay positive of the change, I have been re-connected with my uni friends and family, I’ve got my MSc I’m working towards and almost finished, and thinking about starting some hobbies I’ve always wanted to do, play the guitar and read / write music. It hurts, and will most likely hurt for some time so if anyone is going through the same or similar thing I’ll help in any way I can too because I’m going to be here for some time just feelin and healin. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.