Pretending until it's over...

[Shmee]

I'm thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years.

 

We dated for 9 months before going into a long distance relationship for a year. She recently moved back for a job and we're living together in my house.

 

Before she decided to move back we had some serious conversations when things felt like they were falling apart.

 

She's not sure about having kids. She doesn't like religion (I am religious). And she can't see living here forever (it's my home). Also she's in her mid 20's and I'm in my early 30's.

 

After living together for 4 months it hasn't been easy. She was distant at first. The move in was, and still is, tough. I feel uneasy in our relationship. I'm glad when we're apart. Now I'm the distant one and she is starting to cling. We don't hate each other and don't have any big explosions going on but... I can't see a future or at least one that lasts. I feel guilty if I stay for not being fully engaged and guilty for leaving because I'm giving up.

[Helpmesavethis]

I suggest a sit down talk. Tell her how you're feeling. Not fair to either of you for you to "pretend" everything is ok when it isn't in your mind.. Better to be open and honest than to live a lie...

[MissCanuck]

Don't pretend.

 

Women are intuitive. I promise you she already knows you're having doubts, and pretending is unkind and insincere. There are some significant incompatibilities between you which would make a future very difficult.

 

I think you know what you need to do.

[abitbroken]

She doesn't want children, she doesn't like the house that you own and she does not value religion like you do. That's all fine for a date, but if you are looking for someone long term, she is not the one for you. If she wanted children just like you do, she respected your faith and she said "well, i am okay with the house, but someday maybe i would like something with an extra bedroom for potential kids" - then that's something workable. or if she loved the house, she was of the same faith and could not have kids because of a medical condition but fell in love with the idea of adoption - that's workable -- but not all three. Also, if you like it better when you are apart -- then you need to find a woman who is on the same page with you. thats the big one - if you like it better when she is not there. Please part ways for both of your sakes.