foolishsunsets Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Hey guys, I badly need to get my feelings out there, please do not judge me. I've been broken up for six months with the guy I dated for only about two months and I'm still struggling due to the rmotional armageddon everything had for me. We met at a club and everything was going wonderful, we hit it off right away. About 1,5 months in he made a joke about wanting a threesome and I took it seriously and asked him via text what he'd imagine it like. I never wanted a threesome, I just got really insecure and was really caught off guard because he made it seem like this was more important to him then I was, so I tested him. However he eventually had enough of it and ended things. He got angry, called me names... I tried to calm him down and asked him to give me another chance as it was just a misunderstanding. He eventually agreed to a 'relationship trial' but we wouldn't make it official until my insecurities got better. It was on/off for another three weeks about until he ended it for good. I was really inconsistent with him, emotional and he knows about my baggage, lots of family problems suffering under my BPD mother... My friends kept telling me it wasn't my fault and that he was just using me but I know it's different. So eventually I tried to text him back, which obviously didn't work as I was still in the emotional state he got angry/annoyed and said hateful things whenever I contacted him. I get that it was because I kept bugging him when he just wanted to be left alone. But I was in love, never felt like that with a man before - haven't been dating seriously for very long so that might add up to it). We hooked up once post breakup. Then I went silent for 2 months. He had me blocked on whatsapp for about three weeks, unblocked me last week on tuesday though. On friday he apologized for his bad behaviour towards the end of the relationship and tomd me I'd deserve better, someone who loves me... that he's generally a jerk and doesn't understand by himself why he hurts the people he likes/loves. Part of me thinks he only acted badly because he wanted to make it easier for me to leave/forget him. And he told me he misses the sex and that upset me badly. I had been hoping that we could atleast become friends one day .-. Sooo I lashed out at him and told him not to contact me again. A few days later I send him an apology text for acting the way I did, but I still stuxk to the decision that it'd be best if we don't maintain in contact, as we have to let it be after all this time...he ignored it and either blocked me or changed his number a few hours later. I guess... I am the crazy ex now and I can't get my head around it. I'm disgusted by the way I acted. I've been reading a lot and feel like many symptoms of BPD match me and my relationships... And I think this might be the reason why he dumped me.. he simply didn't want to put up with it anymore. I'm working on myself now, trying to get better and will go to see a psychologist soon. I'm trying to fill my life with positives again. I know I probably can't salvage anything with this guy anymore, gonna go complete radio silence again now. But I hope I'll atleast make it better next time. I want to try dating casually again maybe? Has anyone made any experiences with dating as BPD/or dating a BPD? Or how to control your emotions better? I really don't want to he that way sometimes and I'm terrified I will never be able to have a stable relationship.. Thank you. Link to comment
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