Great new boyfriend but I can't seem to get over my ex

[Lily1211]

So some background I split with my ex bf when I found out he was cheating on me a few months ago. I was devastated at the time. He was the first and only man I've ever been in love with ( I'm 30 btw). Since then I dated a few different people and met my new bf. He is a very nice man. Extremely different from the type that I generally date. Our beliefs are very different. He is devoutly religious, into meditation, doesn't curse, believes in traditional gender roles(woman stays home with kids, man work...total bs) and thinks therapy is necessary for self awareness. I am polar opposite in that I am not at all religious (still not convinced god exists), I curse like a sailor, have multiple vices- vaping and pre marital sex for example, and probably the biggest I am fiercely independent. I have a very successful /respectable career and am accustomed to being in control. I also have 2 children from a previous relationship and know a woman can do it all. We butt heads a lot but, and because I am younger and in his eyes a "super hottie" (I'm not he's just sweet lol) he is always making comments that I want to be or want to be with other men. Writing this doesn't paint thing in a favorable light. He is a truly wonderful person and he inspires me to be better. We are able to have incredible deep discussions and we have so much fun together. We're both big dorks. The biggest problem I keep having is even though I really care for him and am starting to love him, I cannot get my toxic cheating ex out of my head. I hate him for what he did but I realized when I met him he was the love of my life. Do I just accepted that I'll forever love a head? Is it fair to my new bf or any guy I date?

[DanZee]

I would be afraid that this guy is just a rebound and you're dating someone totally incompatible with you, someone who is wrong for you. This could lead to huge problems especially if he starts to put his foot down to have you follow his beliefs. This constant harping on other men is laying the groundwork for emotional abuse. In fact, it's like the first symptom on the list. (He accuses you of cheating, you have a big argument, he makes up with you, and then he accuses you again of cheating, etc.)

 

You eventually will get your cheating ex out of your head, but be extremely be careful of this relationship.

[MissCanuck]

I think you need to be single and heal. It's pretty clear you're not ready for another relationship yet, which is perfectly okay. Your current boyfriend sounds fine, but I think you're going to find there are some deep incompatibilities between you that would hinder this from going any further anyway.

 

Your ex isn't the love of your life. That person wouldn't cheat on you. You have to change your narrative on that.

[SherrySher]

See? This is why people should not date until they are fully healed from a past relationship, sigh. You're not over your ex, and this new guy is only going to be some kind of replacement. But truth be told you two sound incredibly incompatible and I can see it being an issue down the road.

 

Personally, my opinion is to remain single, keep this guy as a friend and actually heal. You cannot replace someone with someone else, it does not work, ever.