Have I just been ghosted? Or is there hope still?

[joyce]

I met this guy at my summer job about two months ago. We became “work friends” but then a week before I left he asked me out. We went out and had an amazing time. We quickly made plans to hang out again before I left and it went great again. He texted me immediately afterwards both times to let me know how much he enjoyed spending time with me.

 

Right before I left he told me he was really going to miss me, and that he wanted to keep seeing/talking to each other since my school isn’t actually that far (~2 hour drive). When I got to school he started texting me every day, just chatting and asking me how I was doing and flirting a lot. It wasn’t long before we planned a specific weekend for him to come visit me, and also planned for me to come home a few weeks later to see him.

 

After about three weeks of texting every day, saying goodnight every night, and lots of flirting and excited planning for his visit, he texted me on Tuesday like he does every day. We chatted back and forth for a bit like always, then he just randomly stopped answering. I figured he got busy with something and didn’t really worry too much. Then later that day, still nothing. Again, I wasn’t worried yet. Not until the next night when it had been over 24 hours without hearing anything which is really unlike him. I texted him a nice greeting and asked how he was doing. No answer after two more days. I know he’s been on his phone because he viewed my snapchat story. HE initiated the continuance of the contact in the first place. HE initiated all the texting. HE initiated the visit. HE told me more than once that he was really starting to like me. Literally one day before we were making plans for what we would do when he visited. As far as I can tell this guy was really into me. I’m left wondering what the heck happened?

 

At this point do I just assume I’ve been ghosted? Do I assume he’s not coming to visit anymore? He just seemed so into me and there was no warning at all so I’m finding it so hard to believe. If I still haven’t heard from him by next week do I just let it go or do I try to contact him one last time, just at least asking if I did something wrong or if he’s still coming to visit?

[wom360]

If he was initiating everything maybe he felt you weren't reciprocating. Maybe he decided it wasn't going anywhere.

[melancholy123]

Maybe the distance is in the way and he's doing other things and hanging out with his pals and you have been set aside. Tho it seems weird he's disappeared for no apparent reason. If he doesnt plan to visit you, he should tell you. I'd text him exactly once more to ask if he's still planning to visit. If he says no or doesnt respond, then you need to let it go and move on.

[joyce]

That was one of the first things I thought of, which is why I texted him right away when he hadn't responded in 24 hrs. I figured maybe he wanted me to initiate for once, but obviously he still didn't answer.

 

Also the more I thought about it the more I realize that probably wasn't it. I definitely showed him that the interest was mutual. I expressed excitement about his visit, planned it all out, told him multiple times that I really liked him, and told him I was attracted to him. I would've initiated more had I been given the chance, but like I said, he was texting me every day by early afternoon. If he had waited longer I would've texted him first it was just that I never had any reason to initiate because he was very methodical about texting me every day around the same time.

[ThatwasThen]

Did you go to bed with him?

[abitbroken]

Things tend to go hot and heavy in the beginning and then fizzle out. When is he coming to see you? Maybe he has cold feet or the other option is that you have plans and he'll communicate as it gets closer.

 

told him multiple times that I really liked him, and told him I was attracted to him

 

maybe he thinks you expect sex on his visit since you keep telling him that you are attracted to him and like him vs saying the same thing by asking him about things he is interested in.

 

planned it all out,

 

Did you tell him every single thing he would do when he got there already? Or did HE suggest things, also ---- so it wasn't just simply that he was going to come over and you'd make it up as you went along?

 

 

it was just that I never had any reason to initiate because he was very methodical about texting me every day around the same time.

 

Then mix it up and text him at a random time when its not his usual time.

 

I did that with my guy - he started calling me at a particular time of the day - when he was on his lunch break at work every other day -- then i mixed it up by calling him at a different time (when he was not at work) because i had something to talk about (not "let's have a talk" but something that i found interesting that i wanted to tell him). If he has been texting you like clockwork for the past few weeks time to mix it up. But on the other hand, if he was really interested, he'd still text you.

 

You will find out soon if he's still interested. Just don't make a big deal out of it. don't ask where he was. Find some other reason to text him.

[joyce]

Things tend to go hot and heavy in the beginning and then fizzle out. When is he coming to see you? Maybe he has cold feet or the other option is that you have plans and he'll communicate as it gets closer.

 

He's supposed to be coming in a week. So I figured if he hadn't said anything by Wednesday I would send him one last text to confirm if he's still coming.

 

maybe he thinks you expect sex on his visit since you keep telling

him that you are attracted to him and like him vs saying the same thing by asking him about things he is interested in.

 

I really don't think he would've gotten that impression from the conversations we've had. When we were making the plans I let him know that I had a roommate and that she will be home. We share a bedroom, so it was clear nothing like that would happen. I don't think I really overdid it in saying I was attracted to him . . . I said it maybe once or twice just in passing about how great I thought he was. We've had twice as many conversations about stuff he's interested in as we have about him being attractive or me liking him. So I don't think that's the issue.

 

Did you tell him every single thing he would do when he got there already?

By "planned it out" I meant I had made all the arrangements I had to make (like checking with my roommate, figuring out if I had exams/other commitments the following week, determining I wouldn't have too much homework to do). Other than that I asked him what he would like to do when he visited and he said he was fine with whatever I wanted to do, he was just glad he'd get to see me.

 

 

Did you go to bed with him?

Nope. We have not been physical at all yet. I think he wanted to kiss me after our last date but then my brother pulled into the driveway and I think he chickened. I figured if he was going to make a move, he'd make it when he comes to visit.

[ThatwasThen]

Nope. We have not been physical at all yet. I think he wanted to kiss me after our last date but then my brother pulled into the driveway and I think he chickened. I figured if he was going to make a move, he'd make it when he comes to visit.

How well do you know him? Maybe he's already in a relationship?

[joyce]

How well do you know him? Maybe he's already in a relationship?

 

Definitely not in a relationship. We run in kind of the same circle (since we worked together) so I think he would've been more secretive if that were the case. The dates we went on were very public and we even ran into people we knew. Plus I know he's told his friends about me. So I really don't know what's up.

[seanryder]

Have you ever considered just picking up the phone and calling him to ask if he is actually coming or not.

 

These 'text conversations' do my head in.