This guy is starting to frustrate me... am I missing something??

[jackie103]

I posted here 2 days ago about a guy I met on bumble and how he never texted me after our first date (can go into my previous posts if interested). Basically, I texted him first about 2 days after our date and then the day after that, he texted me saying he hopes I have fun back at home and then it was silence after that conversation. Anyway, a bunch of people I talked to aside from here told me to just text him and ask him out again although some people said he was just in it for sex (I did not sleep with him the first date - we just made out on his bed). So anyway, I texted him and asked if he wanted to do something again and he responded by saying that he'd love to do something again. I suggested cooking because we had talked about it before so he told me he was gonna go shopping for food and I said we could cook at my place. I didn't want him to think he was going to get sex this time or want him to think I wanted a FWB kind of relationship since I was inviting him over to my place this time so basically I texted him in the afternoon and told him that I'm not the FWB/hook up kind of person. I said I don't mean I'm looking for anything serious but I just want to see where things go and that it's totally ok if we weren't on the same page, and that I just didn't want to waste anyone's time. He replied by saying that that's completely fair and that he was not appropriate last time and then I told him that I had fun last time but I just wanted to make sure there were no miscommunications.

 

Anyway, he comes over and we're having a good time. He cooks and cleans and after dinner, we watch some TV. Of course we start making out again but we still don't have sex although I'm sure he wanted it. When we first started making out, he mentioned that he liked when a girl takes control so I did a bit of that. After we stopped making out, he mentions something about how he wasn't going for a FWB thing and that he just gets worked up when we're making out (talking about his boner). Anyway we finish up the episode we're watching while also chatting a bit and since he's still in school, he had a lot of work to catch up on so he left at around 9:30.

Before he left, he jokingly said that next time I was cooking dinner and I agreed.

 

This was Wednesday night and no text from him yet. I'm wondering if he wants a girl to take control for everything? I'm just confused... I don't need constant communication, but I feel like a "how was your day?" Text would be nice to let me know he was still thinking about me/interested. When we first started texting before meeting up, he did initiate a text and ask how my day was so I feel like it's not something he's totally against... also when we were first chatting on bumble we wrote back and forth pretty much immediately for a couple of hours.

 

So is he interested or not? He seems interested in person but the silence is kind of confusing me... maybe he's not really into it? I don't plan on texting him first again, I need him to make the first move this time...

[Honeycomb8]

You've now had two dates involving each other's places and getting somewhat physical. I don't think he's taking you very seriously and it's probably best to do outside dates in the first 6 or so dates at least. That way you're not sending the wrong message.

[SherrySher]

I agree, you sent the wrong message and he's not taking you seriously at all. You keep saying you want romance and something serious but then you keep going on your back.

This isn't dating, it's messing around.

He probably just thinks you're a tease and doesn't care if he gets back to you or not.

[jackie103]

You've now had two dates involving each other's places and getting somewhat physical. I don't think he's taking you very seriously and it's probably best to do outside dates in the first 6 or so dates at least. That way you're not sending the wrong message.

 

Yes, I realized this after I suggested cooking which is why I sent that message about not being into hookups/FWB. But I felt that not kissing was a bit too extreme... I thought I stood my ground by not bringing things to the bedroom but he may have not seen it that way

[Hollyj]

Why in the world are you having does at each others. You are so asking for a FWB.

 

Stop reaching out to this guy, and go on proper dates. You are handling this ALL WRONG!!!

[Hollyj]

Yes, I realized this after I suggested cooking which is why I sent that message about not being into hookups/FWB. But I felt that not kissing was a bit too extreme... I thought I stood my ground by not bringing things to the bedroom but he may have not seen it that way

 

Doesn't matter. You should be going out in public for your dates.

[jackie103]

Doesn't matter. You should be going out in public for your dates.

 

I agree... I didn't want to stay in all night so I did suggest going to bingo night at a bar but he said that he didn't know how he felt about going downtown on a Wednesday night. Maybe it was because he had work to do or maybe it's just a red flag for me

[Hollyj]

No more cooking at home, until you are ready for sex.

 

This is how people lose respect, real quick.

[jackie103]

No more cooking at home, until you are ready for sex.

 

This is how people lose respect, real quick.

 

Honestly, I'm starting to think he won't ever text me unless I text him first. I'm just gonna do my own thing and if he doesn't reach out, I'll have my answer

[HeartGoesOn]

Hopefully this is the first and last time you risk this type of alone time with a stranger. No offense, but you certainly left your common sense at home during this time.

[DanZee]

How old are both of you? Because I'm thinking he's treating you like he would a male friend. With male friends you call them up from time to time when you've got a free evening or you're going somewhere and see if they want to meet up. I made this mistake in college where I treated my girlfriend just as I treated my best friend and she dropped me with one of the reasons being it was obvious I had no previous experience dating. Not that she ever told me what I was doing wrong and I only realized afterwards that she hadn't called me once in the 10 months we went out.

 

Anyways, people here have already mentioned that he may be treating you as a potential FWB and guys look at sex as entertainment and dating as a way to get it. Most women treat it as an emotional bonding experience that brings two people together. Hence you have the men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing. Of course, Bumble is known as a female Tinder and he may believe everyone on it wants to hook up.

 

I just mention this because men will agree to whatever you tell them you're looking for because they think they'll be able to eventually get you into bed. You admitted you were almost there until you came to your senses. So definitely, no more cooking in each other's apartments. My advice is to try to ask out people that are around you rather than strangers, but I do know the difficulty of doing this when you run out of friends and acquaintances.

[jackie103]

Hopefully this is the first and last time you risk this type of alone time with a stranger. No offense, but you certainly left your common sense at home during this time.

 

I am normally very hesitant about stuff like this but for some reason I felt it was ok with him...

[jackie103]

How old are both of you? Because I'm thinking he's treating you like he would a male friend. With male friends you call them up from time to time when you've got a free evening or you're going somewhere and see if they want to meet up. I made this mistake in college where I treated my girlfriend just as I treated my best friend and she dropped me with one of the reasons being it was obvious I had no previous experience dating. Not that she ever told me what I was doing wrong and I only realized afterwards that she hadn't called me once in the 10 months we went out.

 

Anyways, people here have already mentioned that he may be treating you as a potential FWB and guys look at sex as entertainment and dating as a way to get it. Most women treat it as an emotional bonding experience that brings two people together. Hence you have the men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing. Of course, Bumble is known as a female Tinder and he may believe everyone on it wants to hook up.

 

I just mention this because men will agree to whatever you tell them you're looking for because they think they'll be able to eventually get you into bed. You admitted you were almost there until you came to your senses. So definitely, no more cooking in each other's apartments. My advice is to try to ask out people that are around you rather than strangers, but I do know the difficulty of doing this when you run out of friends and acquaintances.

 

He is 21 and I am 22. He mentioned he never had a girlfriend in high school but I didn't ask about college... I believe he went for a year and took 2 years break and now is back to finish.

 

But he did just change his bumble profile bio... I should've followed my gut feeling from the beginning and knew he wasn't interested.

[SherrySher]

He might have been interested and you went about it all wrong and made it look like you were easy or a tease. Or he could have been just looking for sex and got frustrated with you not putting out when you kept inviting him to do everything but sex.

If you ever decide to date someone off of dating sites again, make it an actual date out somewhere and no groping or deep kissing, otherwise you will get the same outcome.

[jackie103]

He might have been interested and you went about it all wrong and made it look like you were easy or a tease. Or he could have been just looking for sex and got frustrated with you not putting out when you kept inviting him to do everything but sex.

If you ever decide to date someone off of dating sites again, make it an actual date out somewhere and no groping or deep kissing, otherwise you will get the same outcome.

 

We didn't do anything sexual other than kiss and a little groping. No clothes came off and I didn't touch anything of his lol.

 

This sucks but I'll move on

[Honeycomb8]

You were also in his house, on his bed.

 

 

 

This was the first time you met him.

 

 

'_'...

[jackie103]

You were also in his house, on his bed.

 

 

 

This was the first time you met him.

 

 

'_'...

 

Yes I know... at first we were sitting in separate chairs (he got the separate chair for me) and then after a little he moved over and asked me to sit next to him. Ugh I just don't know... I probably just made the wrong choices

[mustlovedogs]

Look back on it. Just on the surface, you went to a guys bed the first night. The second night you invite him to your place. Doesn't that scream not serious/FWB to you?

[jackie103]

Look back on it. Just on the surface, you went to a guys bed the first night. The second night you invite him to your place. Doesn't that scream not serious/FWB to you?

 

Yes it does which is why I tried to make it clear to him that that's not what I was looking for... but it's done so I need to just move on now.

[Hollyj]

Your actions said differently.

 

I hope you learn from this. Go out on proper dates, and no in home anything, until you are ready for sex.

 

Be smarter and safer.