Being kept away from bf friends

[Travellergirl]

I felt my boyfriend was keeping me away from his friends. Over a year of dating and i had not met any of his yet he had met my best friend who lives some 50miles away and had met my church friends

 

I finally met his guy friends, however I continued feeling like he was keeping me away from his friend who is a female when he could have easily introduced us. This female friend of his had told him that she fancies him when him and i were going through a rough patch. He was confiding in her yet she took the opportunity to let her feelings known.

 

Because i felt things were being kept from me and I couldn't work out why as i have had an ex boyfriend with lots of female friends i know am comfortable with that as I believe you can't stop people doing what they want to do

 

Anyway, so i looked on his phone to see if i can get some answers as my boyfriend can be very quiet about things. What i found was that i had been laughed at, this friend of his since last year had been making fun of me to my boyfriend and made racist comment about me and he never came to my defence and i just don't understand how a boyfriend if he loves me would allow it to happen. I since spoke to the girl about it and she continued being disrespectful to me and tried causing trouble in our relationship and am annoyed with myself that i allowed her to. I feel i have no one on my side

 

When i try and ask questions about it i feel i have no right to as I wasn't meant to know and it's putting a strain on our relationship. I know i am a loyal person and would put my partner before my friend but i feel am basically at same level as this friend.

 

One day they met up and went for a walk, i was going for a run to this place so i thought i would call and ask if i can meet her. I got there, they were sat by the river, i gave him a kiss and i felt he didn't want to be kissed, he kind of tried turning to give me his cheek. When i confronted about that, he said am hard to love and said he wasn't expecting a kiss i took him by suprise! How can you be surprised by a gf giving you a kiss. So it was since this incidence that i decided i was going to find out by looking on his phone for any clues. That's when i noticed i had been mocked. I posted a picture last august of him and tagged myman, this friend of his took a screenshot and sent it to him laughing at me, and he apologised for my post! He said he apologised because the girl was down since she had just told him she fancies me.

 

He says to me i keep bringing things up from last year, but to me these are things that happened 2months ago

 

I don't even know what my question to you is. I would appreciate any thoughts

 

Many thanks

[DanZee]

Well, the idea of you kissing him on the mouth in front of his friend was a way of you marking your territory, and no guy likes that. Besides, I do think it's rude to do that in front of his friend.

 

Yeah, his friends are probably talking about you behind your back. My mother still zings my wife about certain thing when I'm alone with her. It's never nice to find out what other people think of you.

 

If you let these things eat at you, then your relationship may be doomed. Let your bf have some time with his friends. Let him blow off some steam with them. Don't try to interpose yourself into his group of friends. If you can't shake yourself of this possessive jealousy your bf could shake you off.

[Travellergirl]

Thanks for your response. So a perk on the lips is wrong to say hi as i had not seen him? Cause i have friends who kiss in front of me and it doesn't bother me.so am slightly confused

 

I expressed to him I didn't understand why i was being kept away as I believe it's good to know your partner's friends as these are the people who have known him longer than i have and i can learn somethings from them about my partner as well, that is why i was excited to show him to my side of the family and friends

 

Yeah I totally agree with people talking trash behind others back, i even mentioned to her when she tried to apologise for the racist comments that it's ok am sure i have said some things about other people that weren't nice and yet she was very patronising to me and my bf didn't want to hear about it

 

My problem was that i was not stood up for and his friend tried causing trouble with a lie, i was thinking why is she allowed and you don't say look it's not ok.

 

Should i have looked on his phone, no! I was wrong for that my reason was to try and understand why i was being kept away. We hardly argue and it's frustrating that it is this thing causing problems. I blame myself for wanting to be introduced to friends

[ThatwasThen]

Why is he still talking to her when he knows that she has more then platonic feelings for him? He's being a cruel arse because he's not allowing her to get over her crush and go onto find a partner of her own. He should totally be backing off from her for that reason alone... add the fact that she's said racial remarks about you puts even a worse taste in my mouth. He should have told her to knock it off and been able to do it without fear of hurting her if they were actually good friends. It seems he's a lot more concerned about her feelings then he is about yours if he apologized to her for your tagging his picture.

 

Good, decent people don't interfere in their opposite sex friends relationships like she is doing and he is allowing her to do.

 

Well, the idea of you kissing him on the mouth in front of his friend was a way of you marking your territory, and no guy likes that. Besides, I do think it's rude to do that in front of his friend.

If she was actually a true friend then she wouldn't find it "rude" that his girlfriend kissed him in front of her. And I don't know one guy that doesn't like it when their partner kisses them hello. If he was uncomfortable then I'd imagine it was more because he was concerned about his so called friend being made to feel jealous... and if that's the case then their so called "platonic" friendship is crossing all kinds of platonic boundaries.