He just decided to leave before the hurricane

[blitzkrieged]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to take a sort of poll here. I'm obviously biased but I'm extremely upset with my boyfriend/ former boyfriend? because first of all, he travels a whole lot for work (film/photo) and since april, I've maybe seen him less than a month total if you add up a few days here, a few days there. The week we went to California for my birthday. I've been really accommodating but even when were together he cant seem to just relax.

 

And now, he promised he'd be in town and spend time with me for the month of September, but he's already (today being the 8th) left on a trip to Atlanta to help his friend take pictures of an event, then Sarasota to skateboard with his other friends, and last night completely of his own volition, not a paid job or a gun to his head, he has chosen to leave with his friend to go 'document' the storm, leaving me alone in a vulnerable victorian house in the middle of Florida, just days before this super hurricane hits. BEST case scenario only the power will go out but even then, it would be nice to not be alone in the dark. What happens when my cell phone battery dies? I just moved here and have no friends or family... i dont even really know the neighbors yet. I think it was a really crappy/selfish thing to do but I'd like to hear others opinions.

I should also mention he threw a door slamming hissy fit yesterday because we hadnt had sex in the 2 days since he got back from his skateboarding trip. I work full time and go to school. But he expects me to be cool about this.

 

I sort of feel like the last priority most of the time.

 

Opinions?

[DancingFool]

This is who he is - a nomadic, restless, adrenaline junkie who will not sit still and be the kind of a guy you want.

 

So either you are happy being mostly alone with only occasional romp in the bedroom when he drops in or you need to dump him and find someone else who will actually be there for you and be present in the relationship.

[pippy longstocking]

I am more concerned for your safety and that is paramount right now , can you not team up with someone , you can't be frightened and alone ...please take this as your priority and not him ..I have no idea what to advise cos I am in the UK , stay safe .

[blitzkrieged]

This is who he is - a nomadic, restless, adrenaline junkie who will not sit still and be the kind of a guy you want.

 

So either you are happy being mostly alone with only occasional romp in the bedroom when he drops in or you need to dump him and find someone else who will actually be there for you and be present in the relationship.

 

Great - I told him he's not welcome back here

[DancingFool]

Great - I told him he's not welcome back here

 

Yay! Now please stay safe and make sure you have plenty of water and non-perishable food with you and candles. The biggest thing is losing electricity. Otherwise, unless you are in the direct way of where the eye hits, you'll be fine. It's just going to be stormy and rainy and that's about it. More hype on tv than reality and I'm speaking from experience here.

[blitzkrieged]

I am more concerned for your safety and that is paramount right now , can you not team up with someone , you can't be frightened and alone ...please take this as your priority and not him ..I have no idea what to advise cos I am in the UK , stay safe .

 

Thanks, I feel a little better knowing a stranger is more worried about my safety than soneone I've given so much of myself to.

 

My only option now is to stay here or get to my moms place in Miami, about a 5 hour drive, which everyone already knows is going to take a direct hit. I may get stuck there afterwards, but at least I wouldn't be alone... still it's damned if I do, damned if I don't.

[Liraele]

Thanks, I feel a little better knowing a stranger is more worried about my safety than soneone I've given so much of myself to.

 

My only option now is to stay here or get to my moms place in Miami, about a 5 hour drive, which everyone already knows is going to take a direct hit. I may get stuck there afterwards, but at least I wouldn't be alone... still it's damned if I do, damned if I don't.

 

If your home is likely to be less impacted by the storm, could your mom come to you? That'd make more sense, and you also wouldn't be alone.

[Batya33]

He's a jerk leaving you on your own that way. Many years ago I was dating a guy who wasn't that into me (but I thought he was at the time). We had a major power outage and I lived in a high rise and he lived in one a mile away. Even though he had a bad knee, and even though he likely was thinking of ending things (he did a week later) he walked to the ground floor of his high rise, all the way to my place and up 20 flights of stairs at mine to check on me -I had no cell phone at the time so he was worried that I hadn't made it home ok or wasn't safe. Seriously, if he could do that knowing he wasn't so sure he'd continue dating me your "boyfriend" could stay with you or at the very least make sure you were well stocked up and had someone to stay with -at least.

[DancingFool]

If your home is likely to be less impacted by the storm, could your mom come to you? That'd make more sense, and you also wouldn't be alone.

 

That would. That said, there are major gas shortages in FL now and interstates are badly backed up. More dangerous to be driving and getting stuck at this point than just staying put. Last thing you want to do is end up in middle of nowhere in FL, out of gas and no place to shelter through the storm.

[Starlight925]

This would really not sit well with me. I'm in Houston, so trust me when I know how horrible the feeling of an impending hurricane is. First of all, please stay safe, these things are not to be taken likely, and Irma is much stronger than Harvey. With Harvey, our city completely flooded, but with Irma, it's likely to cause more wind damage and yes, power outages.

 

Extremely selfish and uncaring of him to leave you like that, without so much as an invitation for you to go with him. As DancingFool said, this is who he is. He's not likely to change, so I'm glad you've made that decision.

 

It's these times of stress that show us people's true colors.

 

My now-exBF told me how his previous exGF, who lived closer to the water but still in Houston, had an impending storm while they were dating, and she asked him to help her move her stuff. All he did was complain about it, and say what a pain it was, and how much stuff she had, and how afterwards, he took himself to a sports bar to get away from "all her stuff". It told me a lot about him, and who he was, and I defended her on this. He was her boyfriend at the time. He wasn't complaining during their lovemaking, but as soon as he woke up and was asked to help, all he did was complain, and no, he didn't stay with her during the storm. A few months later, she was admitted to the hospital for a health scare, and he couldn't be bothered to go visit her. My point is, take these things as a gift: Your "boyfriend" is showing you who he is, which is something you don't want.

[abitbroken]

If he is a photographer or in film as his job, then of course, he is going to be required to go to wherever the news is happening. Even if his employer is not specifically telling him to go -- getting "THE" shot can make a career. The skateboarding thing was a bit lame, but the other things are part of his career. A friend of mine is in the entertainment industry and when there is a casting call, she goes. if i go to visit she can only tell me if she CURRENTLY is not booked for those days, and often she goes to castings or screentests and doesn't get a job out of it -- but still goes.

 

Why are you 'sitting all alone" in a house? You are a grownup and its up to you to evacuate yourself or hunker down. You don't see him all that much. its not like he has been with you every single day and then suddenly he left. This is the nature of the business he is in. You aren't married to him.

 

So get ready for the storm -- and if you are in the "middle" you will likely be none the worse for wear.

 

If you don't want to be with a guy who has a career like his - then find someone else

[pippy longstocking]

I just saw this on facebook and thought I would copy it for you .

 

Copied from a friend. Florida People:

The governor just stated if you can't get out of any mandatory evacuation, whether for fuel or any reason at all, call 1-800-955-5504, right now! He said they will do anything in their power to help get anyone in a mandatory evacuation area out. Even if you are elderly, disabled, have pets, have no money, any reason at all they will get you and your loved ones out.

SHARE COPY PASTE ....

[mustlovedogs]

For hurricane prep, charge all your laptops. You can use them to charge your phone if you need to. Buy external battery packs if you can find them. Now you're in Florida, get a crank radio and a crank flashlight. I have really awesome ones now. Both can charge my phone, the flashlight has an alert beacon, can break windows, slash seat belts, everything. You can get it on Amazon.

 

Fill your bathtub with water, use your spare water bottles and refrigerate them. I would even set your fridge to a colder setting. Fill your bottles with ice too.

[blitzkrieged]

If he is a photographer or in film as his job, then of course, he is going to be required to go to wherever the news is happening. Even if his employer is not specifically telling him to go -- getting "THE" shot can make a career. The skateboarding thing was a bit lame, but the other things are part of his career. A friend of mine is in the entertainment industry and when there is a casting call, she goes. if i go to visit she can only tell me if she CURRENTLY is not booked for those days, and often she goes to castings or screentests and doesn't get a job out of it -- but still goes.

 

Why are you 'sitting all alone" in a house? You are a grownup and its up to you to evacuate yourself or hunker down. You don't see him all that much. its not like he has been with you every single day and then suddenly he left. This is the nature of the business he is in. You aren't married to him.

 

So get ready for the storm -- and if you are in the "middle" you will likely be none the worse for wear.

 

If you don't want to be with a guy who has a career like his - then find someone else

 

So many things here I just had to respond to, because if you have so little empathy, you really shouldnt be on this forum.

 

"Of course he is going to be required everywhere the news is happening"

 

-Not really... for one, I never said he was a journalist so you are making assumptions.

News happens every single day, and will continue to do so. It's a different story when that "news" is about to impact me directly.

 

"THE shot can make a career"

 

-Sounds like something you heard on TV and decided to repeat, cause its sounds good. And honestly you're the one who seems to know little about this industry, while speaking so matter-of-factly. Yeah Maybe in the 1900s when good photos were actually rare. Not the case in 2017 when everyone and their grandma has a cell phone camera. It takes a sustained effort over several years to make a career. Anything else is just a one hit wonder.

 

-That's too bad about your friend. Are you in a romantic relationship with her? Trying to build a life together? If so, I feel for you.

 

"its not like he has been with you every single day and then suddenly he left."

 

-Again making assumptions about our past. I was with him when he had no real career to speak of - travel has gradually increased and I have been completely supportive up until this.

 

"Why are you 'sitting all alone" in a house? You are a grownup"

 

-Ummm... for real? did you not read the part about a hurricane coming? Why are you so condescending?

 

Anyway, I had to adress your lack of compassion because this is why I barely post.

 

Thanks to everyone else who told me their stories and CONSTRUCTIVE advice. Got through the storm just fine thankfully.

[Starlight925]

So what has happened since the storm? Have you spoken with him? Where do you stand?

 

And more importantly, how did you fare during the storm?

[blitzkrieged]

So what has happened since the storm? Have you spoken with him? Where do you stand?

 

And more importantly, how did you fare during the storm?

 

I said I was sorry a few days later for getting so mad and basically forcing him to leave. (Permanently)

 

But I didn't try to patch things up or anything. He sent me a cell phone video of a tree knocked over. Asked how it was up here, so I sent him a video too. We haven't spoken since.

 

As far as the storm I was lucky as many people here were flooded or lost their power. It was really just lots of debris and flooding in everyone's yard in my neighborhood.

 

I saw his friend at a bar last night though, and he told me that my guy left almost all his belongings at his house that morning after like 30 missed calls and text messages, told him the story, and when the friend asked why he was leaving, he didn't really have much of a good answer apparently. The friend then went on to complain about a few other things too actually... about how restless and anxious he is. So I felt a little less crazy.

[itsallgrand]

That sounds like a harsh wake up call to where his priorities really land. Glad to hear you are safe and sound.

 

There's nothing weird about wanting to know your partner will be there for you .

[blitzkrieged]

That sounds like a harsh wake up call to where his priorities really land. Glad to hear you are safe and sound.

 

There's nothing weird about wanting to know your partner will be there for you .

 

Thank you.

Yeah you pretty much nailed it, the underlying feeling is a lack of priority, or even at least taking my needs and feelings into consideration...

And like other people said, I can't change him. It's not like itll be a whole lot different since I've been on my own so much anyway, so I guess I did the right thing.

[Starlight925]

I said I was sorry a few days later for getting so mad and basically forcing him to leave. (Permanently)

 

But I didn't try to patch things up or anything. He sent me a cell phone video of a tree knocked over. Asked how it was up here, so I sent him a video too. We haven't spoken since.

 

As far as the storm I was lucky as many people here were flooded or lost their power. It was really just lots of debris and flooding in everyone's yard in my neighborhood.

 

I saw his friend at a bar last night though, and he told me that my guy left almost all his belongings at his house that morning after like 30 missed calls and text messages, told him the story, and when the friend asked why he was leaving, he didn't really have much of a good answer apparently. The friend then went on to complain about a few other things too actually... about how restless and anxious he is. So I felt a little less crazy.

 

I'm so sorry this all happened to you. Having to weather that storm alone must have been frightening.

 

The thing is, even if he had to be elsewhere during the storm, it's the way he went about it. Communication and understanding go a long way, and he could have talked with you, made sure you were comfortable and safe, and communicated with you during his absence. He did none of this.

 

He's a tool. I'm so empathetic, and I wish you peace in moving on from him.