Starting and stopped dating recently divorced man

[Itsobvious]

I met someone online who had only been out of his relationship for 6 months. We were having so much fun... easy, spontaneous... but I could feel that he was ambivalent about his break up. She left him. I told him to tell her about me. He seemed surprised... but I knew it would change their dynamic. And it did. 16 years and 2 kids together. They have a lot of history and a lot of frustration. I have chosen to distance myself and stop contact for at least 8 weeks. We both feel the connection...but I think the mom/ dad of your kids always wins.

This is really hard for me because it was like in the movies the way we clicked. Has anyone got a story or words of hope??

[SherrySher]

Yes, stay as far away from this as you can. 6 months separation is not much at all for how long they've been together and you could easily become a rebound and end up being even more hurt if and when he decides to return to her.

It could happen very easily that they decide to get back together. It's far too messy of a situation.

Best thing you can do is to not get involved. If he had been divorced for a couple years then it would be better and he would be in a better place, but this is much too soon.

[ginaloribic]

Sorry to sound blunt, but anyone on here can give words of hope. The reality may be very different.

 

A relationship with someone who has children with an ex can be difficult as the kids & unfortunately the ex will always play a part in their lives in some way. It can be particularly hard for you if he still harbours some feelings towards his ex, or if he wasn't the one who decided to end the relationship.

 

Have the both of you talked openly about this? You could ask how he feels in regard to his ex? Sorry, but part of you has to accept there is this part in his life (sorry this again sounds blunt, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). Equally though, going forward together with you, he needs to be conscious of your feelings etc and give you some reassurance.

 

Try and have a chat with him and be completely open as to how you are feeling. You've nothing to lose by doing this. It may well be the making of the relationship, and if not, then sadly it wasn't meant to be.

[SherrySher]

^^^ I also agree with the above that if she left him, he could be in a very fragile state and be missing her and trying to replace with anyone but still not over her.

[Itsobvious]

A relationship with someone who has children with an ex can be difficult as the kids & unfortunately the ex will always play a part in their lives in some way. It can be particularly hard for you if he still harbours some feelings towards his ex, or if he wasn't the one who decided to end the relationship.

.

 

This doesn't really bother me. I have 3 kids and an Ex and he is a good friend and always will be. I am willing to be accepting of another's past and all that entails and hope to receive the same. Because of my own divorce (15 years ago...I was a really young mom) I know how torn a person is during all of that.

I guess I am just trying to process with my thoughts and feelings with others...

 

I do like what you said about having a really open conversation...true - I have nothing to lose at this point. Going very very cautiously. As SherrySher said, I don't want to just be a rebound with my heart in shreds at the end of it all...

[Itsobvious]

I think I will take that route...

[Itsobvious]

It could happen very easily that they decide to get back together. It's far too messy of a situation.

Best thing you can do is to not get involved. If he had been divorced for a couple years then it would be better and he would be in a better place, but this is much too soon.

 

oh man...and this is the advice I would give anyone who asked me the same thing...

[SherrySher]

It's only logical. She broke up with him, he could still be in a lot of pain over it, he is trying to replace without being healed...it's not looking good.

[reinventmyself]

I read somewhere once that the first relationship you have post divorce rarely works out.

It was probably in some fashion or gossip magazine and I didn't give it much weight at the time

But years later and watching my experience and others, I find it more true than not.

[abitbroken]

I met someone online who had only been out of his relationship for 6 months.

 

Does that mean he is separated and not divorced yet, or the divorce happened 6 months ago? Either way, this man is not good dating material. I wouldn't just stop my contact for 8 weeks. I would simply find someone else. If your paths cross a year or two down the road by accident and he has a handle on the divorced dad thing and has had more time to reflect - then maybe you could date. Find someone ready for a relationship - not just to flirt.

[Itsobvious]

Thanks everyone...I know you're right. Hard to let something so fun go... I'll be thanking myself (and all of you) a few months...if not weeks ... down the road.