Dating new girl but its tough.. anyone relate?

[StuartM1]

I met a girl online about 2 months ago and we have been on a couple dates. When we met she was goin through some stressful stuff with her job and was stressed due to a family dispute. I thought over the weeks her low mood etc would pass but yesterday she told me shes on medication for depression. As well as her low mood, she sort of has this "victim mentallity" and its quite frustrating as i try to remain as posititve as i can through difficult situations. She is also very guarded, like she gives little away about herself and says that she has been hurt badly in the past so she prefers to just take thongs slow. I am sexually attracted to her and there has been a couple of times were sex might of happened but it didnt go anywhere as she said she doesnt want to as she knows what men are like but says she'l not keep me waiting to long. She just finds it hard to trust but she understands that it must be difficult trying to get to know her and she tells me just to try an be patient with her. I am a caring and compassionate guy and thats what i have been trying to do, but im just abit like.."isnt the start of a relationship supposed to be fun, with flirting and all the rest of the good stuff.. it just seems like im hitting a brick wall with her and a bit of a struggle.

 

I Like this girl and i do want to be patient, waiting for her to drop her guard abit and relax but at the same time im afraid that im.wasting my time..like is this the way she actually is..

 

Can anyone relate or share some sort of advise??

[pippy longstocking]

"isnt the start of a relationship supposed to be fun, with flirting and all the rest of the good stuff.. it just seems like im hitting a brick wall with her and a bit of a struggle.

 

exactly ....... she has no business getting involved with anyone until she is sorted herself , I don't mean to sound like I am lacking sympathy , but having had many a bad experience of men masquerading as strong, together people with no more issues then the normal , only to find out they needed more mental health help then me ( and I am several sandwiches short in my picnic) I have grown weary of this kind of stuff .

 

If this is what she was like when you met her then I put to you that *this * is what she is like full stop ! So think wisely before you get too involved .

[Keyman]

Sorry, but she has been raising some serious red flags and I would have turned tail and fled by now. While the taking it slow sexually is not a red flag, her victim mentality relating to it 'I know what men are like' is.

 

You are right, dating and getting to know each other should be fun, not an uphill battle trying to work in the right way with someone in case they bite your head off or dissolve into tears at a moments notice.

 

Yes, you like her, but she is not the only woman in your area, surely there are plenty out there that are more together than this one.

[James516]

In this situation, you have a bad combo working against you within yourself - the Knight Syndrome of thinking your going to rescue this woman from her problems through your compassion.... and you are a normal guy who is letting his schlong do the reasoning even with the sex being denied so far. She may be attractive to you, but the first three months are the best you are going to get when meeting someone. This is already terrible. It's just up to you of how much energy you want to waste before the inevitable outcome of this not going anywhere and realizing that you aren't going to change her to create a mutually pleasant relationship.

 

Breaking this off may help her realize she shouldn't date until she sorts through some issues. And it will help you find someone who is ready to be in a good relationship.

[Sportster2005]

I met a girl online about 2 months ago and we have been on a couple dates. When we met she was goin through some stressful stuff with her job and was stressed due to a family dispute. I thought over the weeks her low mood etc would pass but yesterday she told me shes on medication for depression. As well as her low mood, she sort of has this "victim mentallity" and its quite frustrating as i try to remain as posititve as i can through difficult situations. She is also very guarded, like she gives little away about herself and says that she has been hurt badly in the past so she prefers to just take thongs slow. I am sexually attracted to her and there has been a couple of times were sex might of happened but it didnt go anywhere as she said she doesnt want to as she knows what men are like but says she'l not keep me waiting to long. She just finds it hard to trust but she understands that it must be difficult trying to get to know her and she tells me just to try an be patient with her. I am a caring and compassionate guy and thats what i have been trying to do, but im just abit like.."isnt the start of a relationship supposed to be fun, with flirting and all the rest of the good stuff.. it just seems like im hitting a brick wall with her and a bit of a struggle.

 

I Like this girl and i do want to be patient, waiting for her to drop her guard abit and relax but at the same time im afraid that im.wasting my time..like is this the way she actually is..

 

Can anyone relate or share some sort of advise??

 

I think you're wasting your time. She's told you she's broken, and is asking to stick around while she gets fixed. There's no guarantee she will, and in my experience they never do when you wait around. Maybe someday she will. My bet, is not in the near future.

[pippy longstocking]

I think you're wasting your time. She's told you she's broken, and is asking to stick around while she gets fixed. There's no guarantee she will, and in my experience they never do when you wait around. Maybe someday she will. My bet, is not in the near future.

 

exactly sporty ( big kiss , I haven't seen your forever ) .... especially if she plays the victim , she will lap it up , not that she is doing it on purpose , I find people like this don't often realise they are like this and the plea for attention just gets worse .

[Careerchoice]

Her feelings are not so strange. Lots of girls are jaded on guys. We've screwed up a lot with women.

 

I am sexually attracted to her and there has been a couple of times were sex might of happened but it didnt go anywhere as she said she doesnt want to as she knows what men are like but says she'l not keep me waiting to long.

 

Lots of men may be like that, but are you? When she essentially lumped you in with the rest of them (sexism), did you stand up for yourself in some fashion, or did you sit there quietly?

 

She just finds it hard to trust but she understands that it must be difficult trying to get to know her and she tells me just to try an be patient with her.

 

You have to be sweet and charming enough to keep her interested, but strong enough to defend yourself when things bleed over into disrespect. It's definitely a tough balance to find. You learn this with experience.

 

I Like this girl and i do want to be patient, waiting for her to drop her guard abit and relax but at the same time im afraid that im.wasting my time..like is this the way she actually is..

 

No way around it, you may be wasting your time. It is a pickle. You have to weigh the potential benefit of being with her against the time you could lose and hurt emotions if things go south. The good thing is that you likely aren't that busy, and you can lessen the hurt feelings if you're pursuing other girls.

 

If you're not talking to other girls right now, that's something you should definitely change.