In the 7th circle of hell after breakup - my journey back to sanity

[sputnik123]

Neo,

I absolutely love your thread mate. It is truly inspiring!

I hope to be where you are one day.

Best,

[Everlong13]

I'm really happy for you Neo.

I have a question though: do you think you'd be as 'over it' f you hadn't met someone else?

[mynameisneo]

I have a question though: do you think you'd be as 'over it' f you hadn't met someone else?

 

Honestly speaking? Mostly yes. I really, really took time to work on myself, and was incredibly disciplined before I started to date anyone. I also don't feel the same way about my current gf - I have new boundaries in place to help me from falling in love too quickly. And that's a good thing, because the relationship is progressing on a much more meaningful level, and the love is progressing at a slower, but much more rooted and deeper level.

 

Obviously meeting someone else to focus your love and attention on is a great distraction. But I didn't do this before I was fully ready. Didn't even think about dating. If it wasn't for my current gf, I'd probably be about 2 weeks behind where I am right now, but I was on a healthy path already. The time and discipline to look introspectively at everything, and find the faults where they are, even within yourself (or especially within yourself) totally pay off.

 

For perspective, I have a female friend who broke up with her ex literally on the same way I did. She rebounded immediately with a previous ex, then a few guys, then was in a relationship 4 weeks after her and her ex broke up. The relationship was a total disaster, she couldn't handle it at all, and was over in about 6 weeks. She's a complete mess to this date because she just used weak Band-Aids instead of tough medicine. So getting into something else immediately (as most articles and people point out) can actually do more harm then good.

 

HTH you

[mynameisneo]

Small update. My ex and I have texted back and forth a bit, regarding her professional thing. It's now been 3 days since the last text. The conversation has been normal and balanced. We may see each other in person to discuss some stuff, we may not.

 

There is still zero desire for me to reconnect with her. I respond to her texts when she sends them at my leisure and convenience. She keeps the convo on topic. While it's very friendly, it seems there are no games on either side.

 

I'm still amazed at the friendliness of the dialogue and at the fact that I genuinely do not want to be with her in a romantic capacity. Time and distance work wonders.