In the 7th circle of hell after breakup - my journey back to sanity

[mynameisneo]

Neo keep ing fighting man! You're doing so well. I can tell you have a strong heart. Only those that love so deeply can feel the deepest pain. I too have felt heartbreak that is out of this world..but it does eventually ease off. Keep necking that chocolate milk and finding distractions. I just did an hours work out which has really lifted my mood.

 

You can get through this, you bloody will. You will love again. Keep your heart open..and facebook closed! hope youre managing to sleep. Have you ever tried meditating? This works for me. I'm curious have you cried much?

 

I broke down and cried only twice, about 2.5 weeks ago, for about 10 minutes each. I find that it gave me a lot of relief, but I'm unable to cry tbh. I would like to - does that seem weird?

 

I do meditate daily. I do just about everything that's been proven to work in recovering from grief from a breakup, which is why I'm (seemingly) recovering. I have not been able to put my emotions about her into neutral, obviously. I don't want her to contact me, I don't want to contact her, but I do miss seeing her and not knowing what she's up to. Which is why staying away from FB and Instagram has been so hard. It kills me sometimes, mornings especially. But I'm managing to do it thus far.

[JayMecia]

I can relate, but I was in a 8yr relationship with the father of my child that ended abruptly in June, found out on Facebook. Long story short I'm currently in my healing process and trying to be strong for my baby girl. It does not make sense that someone can walkout your life for someone else, but I guess this apart of life. I and everyone going through a difficult breakup, we will get through this. Faith is the key 🔑

[mynameisneo]

27 days of successful No Contact

 

I miss her. Daily. This morning was incredibly hard. I absolutely realize that my wanting to see what she's up to is the result of me missing her. I almost unblocked her Instagram today. Almost. Somehow, my rational mind stopped me. I put my phone away, lied down on my bed, and took deep breaths for about 10 minutes.

 

I talked about this with a co-worker/close friend who's been super good at listening and helping me heal. He's had his own heartbreak story, so he can relate. He had the suggestion that when I get triggered to look at her social media, instead, write down everything I want to know about her (for instance, if I was to unblock Instagram, what would I look for? What would I hope to find? Why would I hope to find it?). He told me to do this until I exhaust every single reason. Until there's no reason left. Just write until you run out of steam.

 

It's a great idea. My triggers generally take place in the morning, and I'm going to try that tomorrow, assuming it happens.

 

I still don't have any desire to contact her, or hear from her. And my sleep is better. Small victories. I'll take all I can get.

 

All for today. Thanks for all your support. Stay strong in your own journey

[sicx]

I've been reading your thread for a while now and your healing process is ALOT like mine. I'm on my phone at work right now so can't write a long message but you're 100% not alone here. The end and length of my relationship was very different but I understand your pain, your temptation to stalk and the feeling of missing her so, so much. I too am feeling these no end right now, it's been 2 weeks NC for me and I'm struggling, sometimes I feel NC is making my pain even worse but I need to push forward, as do you. I'll send a proper reply when I'm at home at some point but keep staying strong, Neo, I'm sure you know you're not alone.

[mynameisneo]

28 days of successful No Contact

 

I don't have the strength to write much today. Long day at work, 7 mile walk. I still miss her. But not as much. And the irrationality of the need to see what she's doing and the need to unblock/visit her social media sites (which, thank heavens, I haven't done) is starting to sink in. There's just nothing to be gained from that, and it's starting to make sense to my logical mind.

 

I'm going on a date Saturday. Really cute girl from work. I'm not as excited about this as I should be, but even if I go through the motions, smile and remain polite, I think it will be good for me. We'll see.

 

All for today. May your night be full of healing rest and sleep

[mynameisneo]

29 days of successful No Contact

 

I don't know if I can really make it much longer without contacting her. I thought I blocked her from everything. She had a second Instagram account for her side gig, I looked at it today, blocked it, but now I know where she'll be tomorrow. Just seeing her face and knowing that I can just walk into a bar and see her 24 hours from now triggered so many emotions. Memories just flooded back.

 

I am trying so goddamn hard to move on, to stay strong, to wipe her from every corner of my brain. Obviously I won't go to the bar tomorrow - that would not only re-open the wound, that would probably make it 100 times worse.

 

I hate the fact that I can't forget her. I know she was so wrong for me, but damn if I don't want to see her or hear her voice right now.

 

Sometimes there is nothing worse than love.

 

All for today. I hope you don't hurt as much as I do right now

[Chelsea54]

Thank you for your posts. I feel absolutely tragic about my end of relationship too. He said we should still be friends and he still feels the same love for me, but the rest of life is in the way right now, and until? I'm at the point of trying LC calling it less contact. Because I get obsessive with wondering why I'm not getting a response from him. And I'm reading and posting here. I've read too many times to ignore the idea that friends cannot work if either or both of us are still feeling the emotions.

Congrats on getting to your 29th day. Almost at 30!

[mynameisneo]

30 days of successful No Contact

 

It's not a milestone. I feel worse than I did 3-4 days ago. I know where she'll be tonight. It's so easy to just walk in and see her. She'll be partying and having fun. I'll be at home, wrestling with my demons.

 

I won't go, of course. I hung out with friends today, and leaned on one of my best friends for support. The pain is back, but it won't break me, not anymore. However - it's gonna suck.

 

One day, I'll look at all this and smile. Hopefully one day soon. But not today.

 

There's always tomorrow.

 

All for today. Hope everyone has a great evening

[Carus]

Just wanted to add my name to the list. 5 years married. 6 weeks out from DDay.

 

Also wanted to post because my middle name is Morpheus. I kid you not

 

Neo, all I can say is you're doing the right things and although grieving has no time lines, you WILL get there.

 

Unfortunately, like Heartbr8k, I get sporadic contact under the guise of 'Perhaps we can start afresh'...but sadly I'm starting to not believe that more and more...

 

I've found Corey Wayne and Craig Kenneth videos on YouTube to be quite comforting.

 

And as that master of quotes Winston Chuchill once said: "When you're going through Hell. Keep going!!"

 

Regards

Carus*

[mynameisneo]

Carus, I'm so very sorry. I really hope you find the peace and comfort you need. Thanks for your support

[mynameisneo]

31 days of successful No Contact

 

After seeing her second Instagram feed 2 days ago, I now realize why strict No Contact is so important to healing, until you're fully healed. I've been a mess the entire day.

 

I slept in today, after a very fitful night's sleep. I had a dream that I wrote her a letter, perhaps maybe an email, talking about how things used to be. And then, ending it with "I'm sorry, we can never be like that again, everything's changed". I woke up drenched in sweat.

 

Which is true. My subconscious mind seems to be fighting with itself. I don't want to contact her. I don't want her to contact me. I don't know if she would even try and have no desire to know since she's blocked. I don't want a relationship with her, now or ever.

 

But why the eff do I go through these periods of desire to see what she's doing?? FML. When the urge comes, it's like living inside a torture chamber.

 

All for today. I hope you've had a better day than I did

[heartbr8khotel]

Hello again Neo, really sorry to hear you had a bad day. Its like two steps forward one back isn't it you're bound to still have days like this, its still quite early in the grieving process. Keep remembering the progress you've made! Every morning I wake up thinking of her..Im sick of it! Dont know how I can change that. How was your date? Wishing you a better day.

[mynameisneo]

Hello again Neo, really sorry to hear you had a bad day. Its like two steps forward one back isn't it you're bound to still have days like this, its still quite early in the grieving process. Keep remembering the progress you've made! Every morning I wake up thinking of her..Im sick of it! Dont know how I can change that. How was your date? Wishing you a better day.

 

I appreciate you. Thank you. Postponed the date due to conflicts.

 

To be honest, I don't really want to date, but pushing myself a bit. Just thinking it can't hurt to be out having a bit of fun.

 

It's been close to 9 weeks, and 31 days of total radio silence. I know I'm not at rock bottom anymore. And I'm incredibly grateful for the progress I've made. But damn if I don't want her ghost to just stop haunting me already. Very soon, I hope

[mynameisneo]

32 days of successful No Contact

 

Went on a date today. It was ... OK. Girl was cute, chemistry and conversation were fine. I forced myself to do it, and found that I needed to smile and re-engage several times because it felt pushed from my end. Even with that, after coffee, we went out to a nice dinner and she let me drive her home.

 

I don't know if I'll see her again - probably will. But it took my mind off my ex for a good part of the day, and it felt nice to be in the company of a woman who seemed genuinely interested in me.

 

Still think of what my ex is up to. Working on repelling thoughts of looking at her social media feeds by just doing the math. Several probabilities:

 

1) It's boring, so who cares

2) She's having a great time, and it will anger/sadden me

3) I see her with another guy, and it crushes me

 

Those are really the only possible outcomes. None are good, the last two being bad and worst. And I remember what rock bottom felt like and I don't ever want to go back there again. Someday I'll have the strength not to care. Today is not that day.

 

All for today. Better than yesterday. Hope your day was as well

[Chelsea54]

Yes. The company of other people is helpful. You will get to the place where it doesn't hurt so much.

[mynameisneo]

33 days of successful No Contact

 

At this point, she's still on my mind but it's an annoyance. The conversations in my head are lessening. The anxiety is dying down a bit. The edges of the pain have definitely dulled.

 

I'm not healed, not by a long shot. The fact that I'm still curious about what she's doing is a strong indicator of that. But my rational mind is much more in control now than my emotions are, or were.

 

My therapist estimates 2 more months. After 2 months have already passed, it feels like a life sentence in terms of time to be honest. But.. it's 2 months. I'm doing what I need to do to heal. I'm even texting the girl I went out with last night to set up a second date. And I'm doing everything I can to move forward, as slowly as it seems sometimes, because I know that any progress is good progress.

 

All for today. Thank you all for being here for me. As monotonous as this (may) seem, it's absolutely helping me, and I hope I'm giving a bit back as well

[mynameisneo]

34 days of successful No Contact

 

I almost broke today. Almost. For some reason, my mind went straight beyond social media and right to WhatsApp. I unblocked her briefly, then my senses came back to me before sending anything. I have zero idea why.

 

I talked to a colleague that went through their own miserable breakup. Apparently this comes in waves - she texted an ex something random 4 years after they broke up. I took a bunch of deep breaths, went outside, came back miserably cold, reminded myself just how emotionally mismatched this person and I are, and that took care of that.

 

Sentiments suck. I'm super glad this board is here. Every day, for whatever reason, I think of how ashamed I'd be to come here and not be able to post about another successful day of no contact. As silly as it sounds, it's like I feel accountable to a virtual group of stranger-friends. And I've been preaching this advice of "strict No Contact until you're no longer emotionally attached" that I would just feel like a hypocrite if I failed.

 

All for today. May your will and mind be strong enough to heal your broken and irrational heart as well

[mynameisneo]

35 days of successful No Contact

 

All I can say about today is that I made it through another day. My feelings are shot to sh*t. Just down on myself.

 

Weaning off of this emotional crack-cocaine is the worst thing I've ever done. If I never fall in love again, I think I'd be completely OK with that at this point.

 

I'm sorry I don't have anymore to give to this board today. Hope tomorrow's better. I hope everyone's well.

[heartbr8khotel]

Hey Neo, Im completely with you, been feeling very flat and tearful the last few days ..just cant shake it off, cant get her out of my head ..i hate it ..its tormenting! I dont think I ever want to love again ..the pain ive been through in the last 10 weeks is just incredible, cried so many tears for the love we had. I am also having to battle with urges to make contact or look at things online that would burn my soul ..youre doing so well ..keep fighting, I hope you have a brighter day soon.

[mynameisneo]

36 days of successful No Contact

 

I saw her today. As I was parking my car, she walked in front of my building. It was her, no question. Pure, absolute happenstance. And it shook me a bit.

 

As soon as I parked my car in the garage I ran up the stairs to look for her. I don't know what I was thinking. She was gone by then.

 

I don't even know what I would have said to her. I thought about this a lot. I really don't know what I would have said. I haven't seen her in 2+ months. It took a few minutes to regain my composure, and a lot of willpower not to reach out.

 

I'm mad at myself for caring. I'm mad at myself for still having feelings for her. I'm incredibly mad for running up the stairs.

 

I'm proud that I had the self-control to not contact her. But had I seen her, I'm certain I would have broken no contact.

 

I'm not at a place where I can be anywhere near her. It's gotten easy to adhere to No Contact from afar. I'll be truly healed when I can be in her presence and not care a single bit. Which won't be for some time.

 

I did recover quickly. Went and had dinner and drinks with some friends, didn't give it much thought after that.

 

All for today. May you not have the rotten luck of running into your ex before you're truly ready to

[cranberry7878]

Hi neo, i would like to say that u are really strong and may u continue to have progress in ur healing. I am in a complicated situation myself too, but I do not have the courage to go complete NC..

hang in there stay strong. looking fwd to see ur posts everyday.. may we all heal completely in due time.

[cristal]

Hi Neo, I am following your thread as well, since we seem to both be in the same boat regarding the length of time post breakup and the same NC timeline.

 

Today made 29 days of NC and it still hurt. I have ignored him reaching out to me via phone ...at least 5 times, because I just couldn't bear the thought of him hearing the hurt in my voice, plus I am also dying to move on from this. I broke up with him after a 8 month relationship where he did not want to commit and plus he treated me very unkindly.

 

The heartache from this breakup is excruciating. I am not sure I can deal with another one of this.

 

I am rooting for you and we will hold virtual hands and work on getting to the other side. Free of this pain.

 

In solidarity.

[Radiate21]

Hi Neo, your thread has been inspiring to me. I completely empathize with all of your pain.

 

My ex dumped me six days ago and I've contacted him almost all of them. He's still been calling me dear. I've pleaded for him to give us another chance. But I know I need to stop contacting him altogether.

 

I sent him a final message today that I think it's best if we both block each other on Facebook so that neither of us is hurt by what's going on in each other's lives. He agreed and we decided to talk again "when things are better," but realistically I don't think that will be anytime in the near or slightly far away future.

 

We were together for 3 years and he's the greatest guy I've ever known. We graduated college together. We were each other's first loves. Everything was so exciting and pure and new at the beginning. I know it can never be replaced. It's so, so, so hard to let go.

[mynameisneo]

37 days of successful No Contact

 

First, thank you, I appreciate all of you. Truly. It is so tough to go through something like this, your support means so much.

 

I keep hearing that not every day will be easy, that the grief cycle is not linear, and some days will be really bad. Today was one of those days. I didn't go to work. I didn't do much of anything other than sleep in super late, go to the Dr. for a scheduled appointment, where he refilled my prescription of Xanax, and prescribed a supplement for my adrenal glands. Apparently excessive stress wears them out. I did a bit of grocery shopping afterwards, came home, and now I'm just winding down my day.

 

I don't intend to make this a habit. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, and then meet a girl for coffee and a walk in the park. I'm amazed, more than anything, at how emotional this cycle can be, and the incredible, powerful, crippling effect it has on us.

 

I am moving forward. I know I am, because if I had seen my ex 6 weeks ago, as supposed to now, I probably would have gone insane. Instead, I just sulked a bit. It's about 9 weeks out, so the wound is obviously not fully healed.

 

I dodged a major bullet by not making physical contact with her yesterday. I hope that won't happen again until I'm fully healed, or never. Either one would be just fine. Zero desire to reach out to her today, very little desire to look at her social media. Little by little, acceptance continues to settle in more and more.

 

All for today. No contact has been my absolute saving grace. I hope I remain strong enough to not break it. I hope you're strong enough to embrace it if you haven't, so you can start healing

[dave4443]

So what do you do to make sure you don't contact? I followed bread crumbs for a few months trying to be a friend, stopped talking last week after drunkenly embarrassing myself ( the joys ) felt great to finally not be constantly overthinking her actions but yesterday and today I've been trying my hardest not to just message and fall back into a friend thing

 

Just the thoughts like, if I don't message her she'll just get closer to the new guy... but I guess being her friend didn't stop that, I may have answered my own question it's good to vent haha.

 

Just sucks missing someone and you have no clue how they feel at the moment.

Hang in their man you're doing great x