Ex girlfriend hooking up with someone after 48 hours of us breaking up (I think), need to vent.

[Ackerack]

Hi everyone,

 

So, idc if you guys call me crazy, but I tracked my ex girlfriend on snapchat just now, cause I was curious if she was in class and I couldn't help myself. I noticed she is in an off campus apartment, at 9 in the morning. She never gets up before 9, so it's safe to say that she spent the night there. Did she seriously go hook up with a guy after 48 hours of us breaking it off, and her telling her she loved me? I don't have any proof, but that's the only thing I can think of right now. She might have a friend there, maybe she was drinking, I don't know. But I do know that my girlfriend was kind of a sl ut before we got together, so to me its very probable that she spent the night with a guy. Meanwhile i'm over here trying to think of what went wrong and how I can better myself. I'm so mad, ive been trying to better myself and holding out some hope for us getting back together in the future, and then I see this. I don't know how the to react, I love her so much and I really hope I'm wrong but I have no way of knowing, just a gut feeling that she already had sex with some other guy after telling me she needed to be single for a while. . I had to vent to someone, I just can't believe she would do this, I thought when she broke up with me while sobbing and apologizing over and over and saying it was going to take her a while to get over me she was telling the truth. What do you guys think? Her sleeping with a dude is definitely the most probable event here, right?

[Ackerack]

I really want to just text her and ask straight up if she spent the night with a guy already. Is that bad? I just want to know for sure, but if i'm wrong it makes me look like a complete psychopath. IF she tells me yes though, at least it will help me to move the on with this girl.

[loip9114]

Dont worry, if it's that fresh for you it is no wonder you can go a bit 'crazy'. So no you're not crazy! It is a natural response.

While we could figure out the probability of her hooking up with another guy, I would like to ask you a question. What does it matter and how does that knowledge further you?

 

Because it could have happened, and also couldn't. As you say she might have just been with a friend there, or she tried a new routine. I know you state she never gets up, well she never GOT up at 9. Maybe due to the breakup she changed her routine. Also possible.

 

To be fair, how to react. Well don't. Technically you have no ground to say anything about the matter. While the breakup is fresh, it did happen therefore you are both free to do what you please. So if you say or react on it, the most probable thing is that she'll get angry at you. I would advice NOT to ask her.

 

 

During this first stage you'll go completely bonkers, your mind will go mental or at least so it feels. But that will fade at some point, try to keep yourself in check as much as you can. Do not react on this, it will only hurt you. Most likely she'll get mad or anything and you will have an argument. Even if you are right it makes you look like a psychopath or a stalker. Not really the title you want right?

[j.man]

No way for us to know. And, yes, it borders crazy ex territory to be hounding her over whether she's having sex.

[Ackerack]

Yeah I know shouldn't say anything. It just ing hurts, I really thought that she loved me enough to not just go get another guy in two days. I guess that kills all my ideas of getting her back. If she comes to me I guess we'll talk, but maybe this will help me move on from her faster.

[loip9114]

Simply put I'd advice this:

1) Do nothing. Do no react, do not reach out to her. Leave it be. It is hard I know, but it is for the better. All you might achieve is more pain for yourself.

2) Try to kill assumptions. This is actually what is happening to you now, you see something and your mind is making all these assumptions. I did that as well, try to kill this. Because they are exactly that, assumptions. You do not have solid proof, and all they are doing is making you go crazy. Because 'Oh f*ck what if it is true?! Aaaaah. Nooo.' You get the drill. These assumptions are not necessarily true, but they do elicit a response in you. If it's A you'll get mad, if it's B you'll get sad, if it's something you didn't expect you don't know. But while you are assuming these things you are already feeling those things.

3) Try to stop looking up. This is damn HARD, I know. I did my fair share of stalking at the start. But I view it as this, ignorance is bliss right now. That small bit of snapchat info made you go haywire. I had the same man! One small bit of info on FB or instagram, I went crazy! So if you do not have it, you only need to deal with the information you already have. Which gets easier at some point

4) Another hard one, focus on yourself. I know easier said than done. But how exactly are her actions affecting you? And how much of that is your own doing? I'd say pretty much 100% right? If you keep the focus on you and forget about what she does. Because those are her actions, you cannot control that nor does it reflect you in any way! If she hooks up with another so quickly after a breakup that says NOTHING about you, but a lot about her. You can only control yourself and your own actions. So focus on that, as you said you try to figure out what you did and could improve. That's the right mindest!

[loip9114]

Yeah I know shouldn't say anything. It just ing hurts, I really thought that she loved me enough to not just go get another guy in two days. I guess that kills all my ideas of getting her back. If she comes to me I guess we'll talk, but maybe this will help me move on from her faster.

 

I know man! The friends of my ex kept tagging her in posts of 'I need a man like this' and her response 'Yeah I'd like that'. I get a bit angry just thinking of it again. It rubbed salt into my open wounds. My response was exactly the same, But all it would do is make me the crazy ex and would hurt me or make me regret it. It's good you vent here, I did the same.

 

Maybe it will, maybe it won't. It doesn't matter, because all we can do is start moving and getting progress. Just try to stay civil, as you propose. That's good.

[Ackerack]

So how did you get over it? I know what I have to do and what I shouldn't do but f*ck if I don't miss her. I can't not make assumptions, it's so difficult, like if she did this then did she even care about me at all? Turning my whole world upside down

[pippy longstocking]

Yesterday, my girlfriend (F20) of a little over 6 months broke up with me (M21). We started dating in school, did long distance over the summer, and just when I was so excited to get back to seeing her all the time again, she ends it. So some background info first. Literally with a week left in the summer, I notice that she has been acting off for a couple days so I bring it up with her. To my surprise, she tells me that she has been dealing with feelings of losing the spark and intimacy that we had at the beginning for a while now, "over a month."

 

I have just read your back story ( well not all of it ) and this all very telling ... I know it is hard for you to get your head around , but after reading this , it doesn't read quite so shocking .

You can't believe she has moved on within 48 hours , but for her this was not 48 hours , it is a month and 48 hours ...as quite often happens , the dumper has checked out of the relationship long before the dumped even get to hear about it .

 

In my mind, she still loves me. She wanted our relationship to work more than anything in the world

 

oh I don't want to be mean , but if she did want it to work darling , you would still be with her ... people often soften the blow with * I still love you * etc etc ..mine did ...my last ex said he will always love me .. ok so where the hell is he ? Dumpers try and make it easy , I have done it myself , it is very hard to let someone go for both parties .

 

You already had problems being insecure , so if you text her you are just going to prove to her you are exactly that and now stalking her . It is hard and it is painful ..especially when the dumped is working so hard to make changes in the hope of a recon and the dumper has moved on . This is why I don't agree with the 30 days NC bullsh1t ..and all the other magical ways to get an ex back ..while the dumped is sat working out how to get them back , the dumper has moved along and is getting on with life .

 

You will regret anything you do I assure you ..let it go , block her , hold your head up high and keep your self respect , you will get through this .

[Ackerack]

Yeah that's a good way of looking at it I guess. Helps me realize that at least maybe to her it isn't that big of a deal. I just don't know where to go from here. I have one year left at school, and I feel like once I'm out of school I'll never meet enough people to find a relationship. I just feel overwhelmed, like my options are

 

A) get back with her and make it work

 

B) get over her and find another girl to make it work with, like this ing year before I graduate

 

And C) be alone for a long, long time.

 

I want to believe that my options aren't over once I'm out of school, but I really can't. I am not a social person at home whatsoever.

[loip9114]

So how did you get over it? I know what I have to do and what I shouldn't do but f*ck if I don't miss her. I can't not make assumptions, it's so difficult, like if she did this then did she even care about me at all? Turning my whole world upside down

 

I made a thread about my whole story and keeping it updated.

 

But in this particular sense I just vented it to nearby friends and family as long as it was bugging me. After that I tried to keep focussing on healing myself rather than focus on my ex. Eventually the feelings will get less. I am 3 months past the breakup and still missing her. These feelings won't go away easily.

[pippy longstocking]

Yeah that's a good way of looking at it I guess. Helps me realize that at least maybe to her it isn't that big of a deal. I just don't know where to go from here. I have one year left at school, and I feel like once I'm out of school I'll never meet enough people to find a relationship. I just feel overwhelmed, like my options are

 

A) get back with her and make it work

 

B) get over her and find another girl to make it work with, like this ing year before I graduate

 

And C) be alone for a long, long time.

 

I want to believe that my options aren't over once I'm out of school, but I really can't. I am not a social person at home whatsoever.

 

You feel like this because she was your first ...so you was totally emotionally invested in her 100% ...so right now it is dark and bleak .....but the reality is , you will go through life having loads of fun , going on dates , meeting women ....your journey has only just started my friend . This throws us all into depression , no light at the end of the tunnel , some even get suicidal , it is a dirty dark hole you have entered ... but I do think most of us have to endure this in life ..and there are not many that don't .

 

You don't need to assess your options right now ...you just need to be kind to yourself , you have been hurt and are still probably a little in shock ...so it is time to pamper yourself , cry if you want , go out if you feel like it , sit on here talking if it helps ...there is no quick fix which is why everyone else joins forums like this . Take each day as it comes and know that you do have a life lined up without this girl .

[Rustysuit]

I can only imagine what you're going through.

 

Hard as it can, the best thing you can do is to keep suffering in silence (towards her), you should reach out to family, friends and even therapists if you feel like it. Don't say anything to her. I'd also recommend removing her from social media. You'll just keep torturing yourself every single minute.

[HeartGoesOn]

Mod Note: Please keep your language at a respectful level.

[Honeycomb8]

Take at least 7-8 months off dating. You're def not ready to be dating now or anytime soon.