Ccole15 Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 My ex girlfriend of four years broke up with me around five months ago. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. We were going into our softmore year of college when it happened. What makes it even harder is that we have been absolute best friends throughout the course of our relationship. We connected instantly and have been happy ever since. Two days before the breakup it was her brothers wedding and we got into an argument at the rehearsal dinner. I have a history of an explosive temper and have been working really hard on it and she supported me. This was my first burst of anger in five months. I ended up leaving the dinner and that night she texted me and told me she missed me at dinner and wanted me at the wedding. At the wedding we were fine, we danced and everything. The next day she was acting distant so I asked if everything was ok. She told me she was having doubts, but wanted to go on as normal to work it out. I panicked and told her maybe we should just end it now if it's going to end eventually. She stopped talking to me for two days. I kept apologizing and even went to her house to talk but she wouldn't let me in. So the next day she told me we needed to talk and picked me up, and took me to a park where she broke up with me. I kept my cool during the breakup, but emotions were still high in our conversation. I could tell it was hard for her just like it was for me. She said she doesn't see a future with me anymore and that this is permanent. She has never been good at handling conflict so she used to hold a lot of pain in and she said now that she is coming out of her shell that she didn't want to go through my anger again. It has been five months and I attempted no contact on several occasions. I have texted her a couple times throughout just asking how she was and she would talk to me and tell me what's going on and thank me for supporting her. I have tried to work on myself by hanging out with friends posting fun pictures nothing mean or depressing. She has not removed me as a friend or removed any of our pictures. I talked to her mom yesterday and she told me that my ex is not talking to any guys at all and is not even interested. She got quite on social media and only posts things about family when she does. I ended up drunk texted her about a month go and told her I was sorry and asked if we could give it another chance ever. She sent me a long text saying how hard this has been but she still doesn't want to get back together and thinks we should limit contact and she said it's not fair to me or her to answer the question as to if we would get back together. I am a couple weeks into a brand new no contact and this time I'm not messing up. I just want advice as to what I should be doing to get her back and how to get her to reach out to me because she has not initiated contact at all. She is just staying busy with school, new job, and she's a youth pastor now. I miss her a lot and really want another chance. Please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanZee Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 How often had you been getting angry? You said this was your first bout of anger in five months. Why do you get angry? What causes it? It sounds like she's just had enough of your temper. After a while, it turns into emotional abuse and you attempt to control your partner's actions by using it. Anger can cause real emotional pain in others. You also probably make grand gestures in trying to make up after an anger incident. It's part of an abuse cycle. You probably need to work on yourself if you don't want to be an abusive partner in the future. I think you've lost this girl, but you can use this experience to be a better partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I'm sorry to say, but she sounds like she's not coming back. Sometimes the end truly is the end, OP. My ex was a similarly angry man. We tried to make it work a few times, but I never really knew when the next outburst was coming. I felt like I was on eggshells, and I lost attraction and desire to be with him. There were good moments of course, but over time, I found myself wanting to be away from him and not enjoying those moments together any longer. Even though there was nobody else in my life when I ended it, I preferred to be single than to stay in a relationship in which I felt so frustrated and disconnected. He hurt me in ways I could not overlook, and I didn't want that in my life anymore. I knew I deserved someone who could control his temper and not disrespect me in the ways he had. I would wager your ex felt the same way. Over time, she emotionally detached and realized she just had no interest left in continuing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I've had girlfriends with anger issues. They could be perfectly fine, and then for no reason get nasty. Sorry to say, but I respect her decision in not taking you back and wish I had had her resolve. I would really advise you to get to the bottom of your condition, and not date anyone until you have done. Always possible she could come back to you after, but respect her decision and do not contact her in the meantime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 You need to take professional anger management classes, since obviously you've done some work, but still ended up acting inappropriately. It was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. You won't be able to retain a future relationship with anyone, unless she is a broken person. You won't be able to move on when you have hope of reconciling. Keep busy with the anger management classes and hanging out with guy friends. Time will heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 What are you dong when you get angry? Are we talking physical violence? Just verbal with swearing? Whats been happening exactly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ccole15 Posted September 7, 2017 Author Share Posted September 7, 2017 Early in the relationship it was worse and I got better over time. The last time I got mad was because I drove an hour to get to the rehearsal dinner and she didn't tell me it was already over. I didn't blow up but I was angry. I know I have a temper and have been going to therapy to work on it. I do want to change and be with this girl, but I don't know how to show her if she isn't contacting me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ccole15 Posted September 7, 2017 Author Share Posted September 7, 2017 I am working on getting professional help. Do you think I have any chance? I want to prove my change but she won't contact me and I am doing no contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I think it's probably too late, OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ccole15 Posted September 7, 2017 Author Share Posted September 7, 2017 So that's it? Nothing else I could do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 So that's it? Nothing else I could do? Nothing more than you're already doing, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustysuit Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 All you can do, you already did, including the "Please, lets give it another shot" which was shut down. You're improving yourself and you know where you messed up. All you can do right now is to keep going and walking this path of self-improvement It takes a lot of crap to end a LTR. Over time you'll start to see not everything was that good, even though you love her. Just stay strong and aim towards becoming happy again. That's really all you can do right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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