How to get them back

[Learningagain]

I know that after a breakup healing and growing as a person are the most important steps to take. Now, assuming we agree on this point but would like to discuss how to get your ex back, what are the best ways to do this based on your experience?

 

- Some say go NC and if they want you back they will contact and if they dont contact then move on, some say do it for x number of days, some say dont do NC

 

- Others say that going NC could allow your ex time and space to miss you less and get used to living without you (which usually is the main source of pain for them as they have lost attraction and dont feel the same, so its just the habits that are difficult to get over for them) and therefore by the time you re-contact them they will be much less likely to want to give it another chance and you will have lost that chance.

 

-Also there are those that state that when your ex leaves you then you will not be getting them back, rather you will be trying to re-attract them just like you did before you hooked up

 

there are so many "strategies" and concepts and ideas out there it drives people broken up with into so many different directions.

 

I know that the best you can do is move on and rebuild a better you, so lets assume everyone is doing that, but lets discuss how to get your ex back in terms of approaches and what works in what scenario and so on, im sure there are those of you out there who are curios about this and there are those who have managed to get your ex back so please share.

[ginaloribic]

Interesting post my friend.

 

Sadly, I don't have any further information for you, but I'm interested to see what others have to say, as I am in a similar mental quandry to you.

 

My long term partner of 10 years broke up with me a few months back. It's pretty much impossible to do full on no contact as we have two kids together. I've tried a couple of times to beg for another chance, to try again etc. She has told me she doesn't love me, no longer has feelings for me & has even stated that there is someone new on the scene who she has had sex with.

 

For some reason, I can't get her out of my head or off my mind. It's still her that I love and care for, still her that I want to be with. I'm currently re-addressing my life, trying to grow myself as a person & sort out my accommodation problem etc, as I can't dwell on the thought of getting her back as it may never happen. Although, I'd like to try and start from scratch, try to attract her again, rather than "get her back".

[pippy longstocking]

Forget all the strategies and concepts , an ex will only come back if they change their mind and mostly , people dump another for a reason and have been thinking about it for a while before they do it and there is nothing in the world anyone can do to change the free will of another .

 

Going NC means that the dumper does have chance to see what the world is like on their own , it also stops the dumper having the dumped as a friend , because all they are doing is weaning themselves off the dumped one to then be free of them, while the dumped thinks being friends will get them back ...it wont .

 

On the rare occasion a dumper changes their mind , it could easily be pushed the other way by the dumped nagging at them , going on and on , making excuses to make contact ..all this pushes the dumper far far away ...

[MissCanuck]

I think the questions you pose are impossible to answer unless we know the circumstances of the break-up. Reconciliation very much depends on the reasons why the dumper left to begin with.

[Learningagain]

I think the questions you pose are impossible to answer unless we know the circumstances of the break-up. Reconciliation very much depends on the reasons why the dumper left to begin with.

 

That is true, though there are several reasons for breakups the main one and probably the most tricky one to come back from is when the ex no longer feels the same way, attraction has gone. But not as a result of arguing, fighting, abuse or cheating, just emotions slowly fading away.

 

How to go about trying to get an ex back when this happens???? There are many youtube experts on the matter, but it would be great for people with real experience of this issue to discuss this.

[Rustysuit]

The best way to get your ex back is and always will be to improve yourself, grow and enjoy your life without them.

 

There's no strategy involved and no magic formula or words. Just live your life to the best of your ability, do something you're proud of, become the best version of yourself. Heal and move on.

 

Stop thinking about it, accept it might never happen (although people get back together all the time), and start being yourself. That's the best way to get your ex back, but it isn't 100%. Hell, I think it's not even 20%, but it's the best way.

[seanryder]

Tell them that if they ever change their mind about getting back together then give you a call.....that and only that is the ONLY REASON they should every contact you again.

 

Then block their number and get rid of all social media links to them. (If they ever are genuine about getting back together with you they will find a way to contact you). Go NC and assume it is forever.

 

Don't start playing games or trying to manipulate them to getting back with you. You need to raise your standards and not accept anyone who is less than thrilled to be with you. This way you let them know that even if they don't see your value...you see your own value.

 

Move on, live your life and assume that getting back together will not happen....this way even if they decide to come back months/years down the line....you probably won't want them back.....you will have grown to see that you can live a perfectly happy life without them.

[ginaloribic]

Tell them that if they ever change their mind about getting back together then give you a call.....that and only that is the ONLY REASON they should every contact you again.

 

Then block their number and get rid of all social media links to them. (If they ever are genuine about getting back together with you they will find a way to contact you). Go NC and assume it is forever.

 

Don't start playing games or trying to manipulate them to getting back with you. You need to raise your standards and not accept anyone who is less than thrilled to be with you. This way you let them know that even if they don't see your value...you see your own value.

 

Move on, live your life and assume that getting back together will not happen....this way even if they decide to come back months/years down the line....you probably won't want them back.....you will have grown to see that you can live a perfectly happy life without them.

 

Some very good advice there. A good friend of mine has given some very similar advice regarding my situation.

[MissCanuck]

That is true, though there are several reasons for breakups the main one and probably the most tricky one to come back from is when the ex no longer feels the same way, attraction has gone. But not as a result of arguing, fighting, abuse or cheating, just emotions slowly fading away.

 

How to go about trying to get an ex back when this happens???? There are many youtube experts on the matter, but it would be great for people with real experience of this issue to discuss this.

 

I have been that dumper before. Honestly, there was no going back. I couldn't force myself to feel a certain way, so I was honest and ended it.