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Fearful Avoidant Attachment Disorder


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Hey all,


I've posted my sad tale in here earlier (The dull, lingering ache of rejection). In a nutshell, we had a 2.5 year relationship, before she dumped me about two months ago, out of the blue. Throughout the relationship, she always seemed distant, afraid to get close. It was a LDR, so we only saw each other on weekends. During the week, when we were apart, I would barely hear from her...just one or two texts each day, which almost seemed perfunctory.

When she would go away, by herself, I would barely hear from her, and the texts would often be about her, and what she was doing, and little about me or our relationship. She went away by herself for March break, and I barely heard from her. She didn't see anything wrong with it.

Before the big breakup, there was never any discussion, zero, about issues she might have had with our relationship. She clearly wanted to avoid dealing with any heavy emotional issues. And then came the breakup...via email.


Anyway, I spoke with a friend the other day, and he suggested she may suffer from Fearful Avoidant Attachment Disorder. Anyone familiar with this? Having read up on it today, it seems to fit. She had multiple relationships before me, each one lasting no more than a year or so, always ended by her. Pretty sure that she's probably already seeing someone else (I know she's online dating, because she messaged me through the dating site...'Lol...I found you!'). She craves the relationships, but starts backing away when the relationship gets too heavy. Sound familiar to anyone??

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Who cares? Why are you wasting your time armchair diagnosing someone? You don't have the credentials and she has not offered herself up for diagnosis. You are spending WAY too much energy on figuring her out instead of on trying to get over her. Your energy needs to go into other things -- going to the gym, volunteering, learning a new skill, visiting friends. That and time are the only ways to get over someone and move on. You are marinating and it is not going to help you. When you find yourself stewing find something else to do -- go wash a floor or bake cookies or change your oil. You can do this, you just have to decide to.

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Anyway, I spoke with a friend the other day, and he suggested she may suffer from Fearful Avoidant Attachment Disorder.


Don't buy into this nonsense. She just hasn't found someone who captures her attention. In any case, you should be cutting all communication with this girl as it's only setting you back. There are other girls waiting to meet you. The longer you spend on this one, the less time you have for them. We don't live forever.

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