Deadbeat ex dad. Need advice!

[thatarmyguy90]

What should I do? I entered a relationship going on 3 months with a beautiful woman and 2 children..i can't have children and always wanted to be a dad so it's beneficial to myself the father is a dead beat sells drugs, there past relationship was abusive, has been arrested multiple times and has even raped her as one of the children were unplanned and he always cheated on her. My girlfriend went to court for supervised visitation and got it through meditation. I don't have an issue with the kids seeing there dad at all and I believe there father should be in there lives as I understand it's not fair to the children. My girlfriend on the other hand.. although she's very communicative with me talks to him on the phone and messages him. The supervised visitation doesn't bother me unless she has to go to see him with the children. Recently she has to do the visitations while I'm at work.. And I can't go. I know I need to trust her but when it comes down to someone with a past like that, how can I, am I making the right choice involving myself in this situation as it is very stressful for myself and although she says she understands my feelings nothing I say or do alters how she goes about doing things. & then makes me feel guilty if they don't see there father on account of creating an arguement. What do I do?

[reinventmyself]

This is what you have signed up for. Having an issue with it after the fact is wrong.

Especially at 3 mo's, you have absolutely no say in the matter.

 

She has kids, a complicated toxic ex for a baby daddy and very dramatic custody issues.

 

Either you get on board and be supportive or bug out.

This isn't going away anytime soon. . or ever

[ThatwasThen]

I'd say you find someone that has an ex that doesn't need supervised visits and you break up with this one because she's not going to cater to your insecurities about any of it.

 

There are plenty of women out there with children whose fathers come, pick them up for their custody period and don't say anything to the ex wife but "bye... I'll have them back by 6:00 Sunday"

[thatarmyguy90]

It's the fact that his past bothers me. Before other people were doing this visitations for her, such as family and now all of a sudden she doesn't see a issue with her doing them.. is the problem I'm having. There also commuicating more. Late night messages of your so beautiful just trying to put a smile on your face bull and he's always trying to get back with her..

[thatarmyguy90]

This is what you have signed up for. Having an issue with it after the fact is wrong.

Especially at 3 mo's, you have absolutely no say in the matter.

 

She has kids, a complicated toxic ex for a baby daddy and very dramatic custody issues.

 

Either you get on board and be supportive or bug out.

This isn't going away anytime soon. . or ever

It's the fact that his past bothers me. Before other people were doing this visitations for her, such as family and now all of a sudden she doesn't see a issue with her doing them.. is the problem I'm having. There also commuicating more. Late night messages of your so beautiful just trying to put a smile on your face bull and he's always trying to get back with her..

[thatarmyguy90]

I'd say you find someone that has an ex that doesn't need supervised visits and you break up with this one because she's not going to cater to your insecurities about any of it.

 

There are plenty of women out there with children whose fathers come, pick them up for their custody period and don't say anything to the ex wife but "bye... I'll have them back by 6:00 Sunday"

Unfortunately it's supervised because he kidnapped her daughter to begin with

[ThatwasThen]

It's the fact that his past bothers me. Before other people were doing this visitations for her, such as family and now all of a sudden she doesn't see a issue with her doing them.. is the problem I'm having. There also commuicating more. Late night messages of your so beautiful just trying to put a smile on your face bull and he's always trying to get back with her..

 

In that case, I'd say she's letting him "get back with her." You have found yourself with a woman that is addicted to the piss-poor way he treated her because it feels so good when he's not abusing her.

 

Bottom line: She's not caring that you are insecure about the way she's doing things so If I were you, I'd have the self-respect to get out of the relationship and let her have him.

 

Unfortunately it's supervised because he kidnapped her daughter to begin with

 

... and yet here she is allowing his smooth talking ways to influence her. Tsk, tsk. Can you see what you've gotten yourself into?

[catfeeder]

The whole point of dating someone is to learn how a person runs her life, what you're walking into and whether or not it's for you 'as is'. Dating is NOT for taking over someone's life and running it for them.