Boyfriend never wants to solve arguments?

[sarahb2247]

Me and my boyfriend made plans to hang out one day after he got off of work. Two hours after we were supposed to hang out he messaged me saying he had to stay at work late. He asked if I'd be mad if we didn't hang out and I told him it was fine but I was very disappointed. He then told me that "trying to make me happy ends in nobody happy". On multiple occasions I tried reaching out to him to apologize. Each time he wouldn't even acknowledge I said anything or would change the subject. I asked if he still felt that trying to make me happy ends in nobody happy and he replied with "kinda". I asked why he felt that way and he said "I already told you. hence why I said it". Each time I have ever addressed a conflict in our relationship he will ignore me basically. It's been two weeks since our argument and I'm still very confused what's even happening or where I went wrong. We were together for three years. He tries to text me everyday but never mentions the argument and if I do he won't say anything. I know I don't deserve to feel uncertain in a relationship, but at the same time I don't want to give up on someone I love when they are going through a tough time. I have reached out to him on five occasions to try to fix things and no progress has been made. Not to sound extreme but sometimes I wonder if he ignores me as a punishment. I feel like in a healthy relationship an argument as little as this wouldn't drag on for so long. I'm curious what people have to say about the situation and let me know if you guys have any advice for me. Thanks!

[reinventmyself]

You asked the same question sometime ago and here you are and nothings changed.

It sounds like he is intentionally creating conflict so he can distance himself.

I wouldn't contact him anymore and see what he does.

It takes two people to fix a problem.

He doesn't seem very interested in resolving this.

[catfeeder]

I told him it was fine but I was very disappointed.

 

When you make a dead end statement like this it leaves him nowhere to go except for a lousy feeling and a dead end statement of his own. So I'd trade complaining for, "I'm disappointed, but I look forward to our make up time. Don't you?" or, "I understand there's nothing you can do about this, so let's not feel lousy about it, okay?"

 

When you want something from the guy, don't just complain--offer something of value to him in exchange for what you want. Discuss things you can both use to bribe one another. Learn how to negotiate instead of complain, and see if that helps.

[journeynow]

Maybe from his perspective, you can't change the past, and repeatedly bringing up the argument is extending the argument. Once again, it's not making anyone happy. You are not happy, as you demonstrate by focusing on the arguing, and it doesn't seem that he is enthusiastic about continuing that conversation. Listen to what he said: Trying to make you happy makes nobody happy. (Someone has to end up "wrong" with this approach.) Like catfeeder said, focus on moving forward as a positive option, with positive possibilities. I get that you are trying to understand, you two may have different approaches to fixing things. If you can focus on what you appreciate about him, and about the two of you together, and work with that, you'll probably have more to go on and your path will be clearer.