I can't bring myself to 'hookup' and I'm not sure why

[Codi88]

I've only been with one guy since my breakup and I hated it. I've never been a hookup kind of person anyway but I'm becoming conscious of the fact that I'm not having sex. It's been 9 months since my breakup. That's a massive dry spell. Tbh I'm not even that bothered about the sex, it's more just that I'm struggling to find my feet as a single person after being in a long-term relationship. It seems like all the single people around me are hooking up like it's the norm. If that's the norm for a single person, maybe I'm the one who's not normal. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel now. I know that a lot of people say that when you breakup you should have 'fun' and get with lots of different people to 'get over it' but it's not something I'm into. I'm into serious commited relationships with one person. I want something serious if I'm lucky enough to find someone else again and it just seems like that's a rare thing in a time where most people seem to only be looking for their next bedroom conquest. I could really use some advice right now

[DanZee]

People who are into long-term, serious relationships do not "hook up." So you're not being abnormal. Also it's not unusual for some people to take time out between serious relationships. Sure, there are lots of girls out there "having fun," but a lot of girls are also looking for intimacy that they didn't get growing up and they're driven to seek it from anybody that comes along.

 

You're not abnormal by waiting for someone you really care about to come along. Don't worry about peer pressure to do it.

[Codi88]

Thank you DanZee I understand what you're saying and that helps me not feel like I'm strange

[Dominique]

You're not strange. I'm waiting too. I don't want a random encounter. (Although I miss sex a lot)

[mustlovedogs]

I'm on a nearly two year dry spell... and I know I'm not built for hookups but I'm feeling down on my dating opportunities so I may go for it...

[Giblesp]

Go for what is normal for you at the stage of your life right now. Its always up to you, not your peer group or anyone else.

[Rustysuit]

I've only been with one guy since my breakup and I hated it. I've never been a hookup kind of person anyway but I'm becoming conscious of the fact that I'm not having sex. It's been 9 months since my breakup. That's a massive dry spell. Tbh I'm not even that bothered about the sex, it's more just that I'm struggling to find my feet as a single person after being in a long-term relationship. It seems like all the single people around me are hooking up like it's the norm. If that's the norm for a single person, maybe I'm the one who's not normal. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel now. I know that a lot of people say that when you breakup you should have 'fun' and get with lots of different people to 'get over it' but it's not something I'm into. I'm into serious commited relationships with one person. I want something serious if I'm lucky enough to find someone else again and it just seems like that's a rare thing in a time where most people seem to only be looking for their next bedroom conquest. I could really use some advice right now

 

You seem pretty normal to me. What is abnormal is someone who goes out and sleeps with everyone who looks her/his way. Nothing against it, do what you want, but it certainly isn't what I'd consider normal.

This is talking about sex.

 

If you can't even talk to guys or flirt a bit, or take a compliment or whatever it just means you're not fully healed yet.

Anyway, don't give up hope.

 

I'm a one woman type of guy as well and my B/U is making me worried that it will be months or years until I find someone (it's been 3 months), but the truth is I don't want just anyone. I want someone I can really connect with.

 

Just believe me, you're normal. What you're doing is normal. Take your time and heal.

[Hollyj]

Not everyone is hooking up.

 

Personally I do not have sex, unless I am seriously involved. Neither do my friends.

 

Never do something you are not comfortable with.

[Honeycomb8]

I don't sleep with someone unless we're in a relationship, so I have in the past gone over a year without sex. No biggy.

[thorough]

I've only been with one guy since my breakup and I hated it. I've never been a hookup kind of person anyway but I'm becoming conscious of the fact that I'm not having sex. It's been 9 months since my breakup. That's a massive dry spell. Tbh I'm not even that bothered about the sex, it's more just that I'm struggling to find my feet as a single person after being in a long-term relationship. It seems like all the single people around me are hooking up like it's the norm. If that's the norm for a single person, maybe I'm the one who's not normal. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel now. I know that a lot of people say that when you breakup you should have 'fun' and get with lots of different people to 'get over it' but it's not something I'm into. I'm into serious commited relationships with one person. I want something serious if I'm lucky enough to find someone else again and it just seems like that's a rare thing in a time where most people seem to only be looking for their next bedroom conquest. I could really use some advice right now

 

Hook ups are not the "norm" for young single people. Not everyone wants a quickie, there are people out there who want relationships. People can do what they want, but I have a lot less respect for a guy who does hookups vs a guy who has sex w/in his relationships. You have emotional attachments w/intimacy, nothing wrong w/that. Don't feel pressured because people around you are hooking up, I can tell you this as well, people who just hook up (not all of them) are unhappy and feel unfulfilled.

[lostandhurt]

It isn't who you are and I applaud you for asking the question instead of just caving to peer pressure or what is "normal"

 

I won't mention how long it has been for me but I have you all beat.

 

Hang in there and keep healing.

 

Lost