Changes during No Contact

[Learningagain]

I have read and watched plenty of material regarding No Contact and my question is whether you will be forgotten by your ex during this time?

 

Many experts claim that after around 30 days your ex will miss you more than they did during the first week or two of no contact, i am doubting this is accurate, in other words can your ex start missing you more the more time has gone by? Just doesn't sound logical, don't they get more and more used to their new single life?

[spunkmire]

that depends on if the single life is enjoyable to them. From my personal experience doing the no contact thing with an ex can bring to light positive things they were getting from the relationship that they were taking for granted. Going without them for 30 days and not finding someone (or something) to replace this will make them miss you. It can be like going through drug withdrawal. One day you have a regular supply that your body is so used to that it's second nature and then next thing you know it's gone and you start missing it. I once had an ex of mine tell me when she dumped me she thought she was getting rid of all the bad things in her life, only to later realized she was getting rid of the good things to that she didn't even realize we had. It's weird the way that happens and it doesn't happen in every case but when it does it always seems to work the same way. Remember, emotions are not LOGICAL in any sense of the word.

[loip9114]

I have read and watched plenty of material regarding No Contact and my question is whether you will be forgotten by your ex during this time?

 

Many experts claim that after around 30 days your ex will miss you more than they did during the first week or two of no contact, i am doubting this is accurate, in other words can your ex start missing you more the more time has gone by? Just doesn't sound logical, don't they get more and more used to their new single life?

 

Well first off, a lot of those experts have read that statement somewhere and are parrots repeating it. Because simply put, saying that everybody will be in the same state after 30 days is madness. This whole process differs from person to person in duration and depth. Also the way we handle it is different for us all.

 

But yes, you're ex can miss you more and more as time goes by. It is not certain they will, but they can. The thing about it is like remembering highschool or anything in your youth. Most likely you will remember it fondly, telling all the cute stories about this or that. Remembering the good times and forgetting the bad. This is what also happens during this time, people forget the bad times and remember the good times.

 

Now I highly doubt your ex will ever forget about you. It depends on how long the relationship was, but if it was long enough (more than a couple of months) then they will defintiely not forget you. If you were good or bad. They will remember you. So you'll never be forgotten.

 

As to getting more and more used to single life, true. But they will also then notice how bloody difficult it is to actually get a compatible partner. And if they jump in too quickly they will compare any new partner to you. Which by comparison will almost always be in favor of you, since the 20/20 hindsight hasn't truly kicked in yet.

 

 

BUT no contact is not really about getting your ex back. It is about healing yourself and giving yourself the time and space it takes for YOU to get used to the single life. If you really start using NC as a tool to get your ex back, you might be sorely disappointed. So really go NC to heal yourself, also forget the whole after 'XX days' thing. Because that's just a rule of thumb parrots call out all the time.

[Elavohra]

Bulls**t it is. People don't trust all those videos and blogs. No contact is all about moving on and focusing on yourself. I did NC for a month and I got nothing, nothing at all besides humiliation. And then I accepted the reality and moved/ing on. Today is my 50th day of NC, and now I have gradually begun to do better with my life. Ex never comes back just because you're doing NC. Period!

[MissCanuck]

Your ex won't forget all about you. Of course they will think of you; that's the way human memory works. However, No Contact doesn't mean the ex will have a realization and want to reconcile. That's a completely different story.

 

"Experts" that claim your ex needs 30 days to miss you are full of malarkey. Nothing is that black-and-white, the 30-day "rule" is touted by many of them as a marketing ploy. It gives the broken-hearted something tangible to hold on to and possibly to buy whatever book or program or coaching sessions they're selling. Think about it: if 30 days was all it took, there'd be reconciliations happening all the time. But that's just not the case.

 

It's true that an ex might miss you and want to reconcile after some time has passed, yes. There is no set time limit on when that could happen, though. There are way too many variables: Why did they break up? Are they dating someone else? Were they really and truly ready to end the relationship?

 

No Contact is a way to help the dumpee heal, not to try to get the ex back. It can be conducive to reconciliation in some cases, sure, but it's not the primary reason why a person should implement it.

[Rustysuit]

NC can help getting your ex back, but that's not the point.

 

The 30 day rule is BS and shouldn't be parroted around. You do NC because you need to be able to move on and that's hard if the source of the pain is constantly around.