Is he cheating?

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

Hi, this is my first post here. I need some advice very badly and quickly. I met my boyfriend in January of this year (2017) we didn't become a couple until April when I came back to visit him for a month. We met in Bahrain the day before I was going back to the US. For most of our relationship so far, it has been long distance. During the month i came to visit it was beautiful. He was easy to be around and we get along very well.

We both love each other very much it seems. I went back to the US after that for three months. I don't have a lot of money so I had to wait to go visit him. He has a very busy career in Bahrain so for him to come visit me for a month is not happening. When I was away from him for the summer we kept in regular contact through texting and face time.

So two days ago I came back to Bahrain to visit this time for three months and we agreed I would look for work while I'm here. I've been doing temp jobs back home so I could visit for longer periods. So when I returned to Bahrain my boyfriend had a sudden business trip to Turkey he couldn't cancel, so I came back to the apartment by myself for a few days, which was fine. He recently moved to a new flat which I've never stayed at before.

My question about him cheating is that I found long dark hair in the shower, bathroom floor, and a few in the bed. My boyfriend has short grey hair, I have long red hair. This hair was black. And was on the side of the bed he doesn't sleep on.

Also I found a prescription for stomach ulcers in the drawer with a women's name on it for June this year. I mean it's really obvious to me a woman has been to the apartment. My boyfriend returns in three more days and I'm not sure what to do.

We come from very different backgrounds. He is Egyptian Coptic, and I'm American. We are both "Christian". This is still a new relationship and we both told each other we loved each other at the same time before I came back to visit the first time back in April. He actually is the nicest man I've been in a relationship with. He is like my dream guy. I love him so much. We have never had a conversation about being exclusive but I just assumed we were. I guess I couldn't assume.

I'm feeling a little heart broken but at the same time I'm still hopeful. I don't want to accuse him when he gets back and ruin everything between us. But if I'm living here the next three months obviously this other woman won't be here. Maybe we need to talk about exclusivity. I'm not sure??? This is still a very new relationship. Please help! Although I'm in my 30s I have very little actual relationship experience. I have a lot of dating experience.. anyway. Need some suggestions, thank you!

-Klocks27

reinventmyself · September 2, 2017

Why are you uprooting your entire life for a man in another country that you barely know and you don't even knows where your relationship stands?

I'll assume you're having sex with him, so if you swap bodily fluids with him what prevents you for have a conversation with him?

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

I'm not uprooting my entire life. I had already moved to Bahrain back in December for a job by myself. I was here for one month, the company had issues getting additional working visas for foreign workers. I really liked the country and had planned on finding another job here. Then I met my boyfriend. He just happens to live here too for awhile. I have plans to go to grad school in Dubai in the next two years. But first need to find a job and save money to pay for graduate school. When you fall in love with someone you will do unexpected things at times. I already had a prior history with being in this country that had nothing to do with my boyfriend. It would be more helpful to me to receive constructive objective advice. Not criticism of my choices. I'm asking for advice and help in the relationship department. Not critisism thanks!

Bah · September 2, 2017

Confront him about it. See what happens in the next few months. If you find out it is another girl, don't stay with him.

Starlight925 · September 2, 2017

This is weird. Have you looked up the woman's name? Facebook, google?

It could be as innocent as his sister, or his cousin, or a really good friend, who was using his flat while he wasn't there.

Or it could be something much more.

I agree with reinventmyself about uprooting your life for someone you barely know. This isn't a criticism; it's an observation. Unfortunately, I don't believe you know enough about him to know what he does when you're not with him. Trust is one thing, but trust takes a long time to build.

Have you thought of asking him about it?

fabact · September 2, 2017

You should say something to him. Be prepared for a bs excuse like - i had a friend stay here. Sorry but even if you didnt have the exclusivity talk, Is be very concerned for my own health and not have unprotected sex with him.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

Thanks. I obviously won't stay if there is someone else. I'm looking for a faithful and devoted partner. But I seriously have not had many long term serious relationships. So that's why I'm asking for advice.

Starlight925 · September 2, 2017

Thanks. I obviously won't stay if there is someone else. I'm looking for a faithful and devoted partner. But I seriously have not had many long term serious relationships. So that's why I'm asking for advice.

Unfortunately, this is a pretty glaring red flag.

Sure, it could be a misunderstanding....a friend, a cousin, etc. But why would he not mention that to you?

If it were me, I'd be googling the heck out of her name. Do you remember the name?

Y

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

I did try to google the name. Part of the first name didn't print all the way so I've been trying to guess what the first few letters are. It could be very innocent, it's what I'm hoping for. I've just been cheated on before so it seems I have trust issues.. obviously. In addition I don't feel like I've uprooted my whole life. Like I said I had a previous history by myself with being in the country for a job that fell through. I uprooted my life by myself, not for a man. He was a bonus!

I'm trying to do the best I can here. I've been trying to relocate out of my home city for the past year for different jobs elsewhere so I don't feel like I'm uprooting much.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

Well he left for his business trip the day I arrived and he couldn't cancel the trip for work. It was last minute. He is very close with a sister so she could have come to visit. And maybe he just didn't mention it. I'll just need to talk to him about it. Obviously if we can't communicate that's not good. But I believe he is a good person, but we will see. If he is lying about stuff it will come out.. it always does when people lie.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

Also I think we both have communication things we need to work on, doesn't everybody? Haha.. But we also have a language barrier. His first language is Arabic, mine is English. If you have never had an interracial relationship with someone who's native tongue in not your own there are going to be some misunderstandings from time to time. I'm just curious about the hair, and the perscription.

Starlight925 · September 2, 2017

Also I think we both have communication things we need to work on, doesn't everybody? Haha.. But we also have a language barrier. His first language is Arabic, mine is English. If you have never had an interracial relationship with someone who's native tongue in not your own there are going to be some misunderstandings from time to time. I'm just curious about the hair, and the perscription.

A language miscommunication is one thing, completely understandable.

Long dark hairs in the bed? That's hardly a communication issue. That's understandable in any language.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

True! The hair in the bed was shorter and I found two of them. I found one long hair in the shower one on the floor of the bathroom with a couple shorter ones and one long one in the kitchen which is right next to the bathroom. It's a small apartment. I read on other forums about other people's hair attaching to clothes or bodies and people find it and they don't know where it came from.. and it's possible. Like if it was on his jacket and he laid down on the bed and it fell off. Anyway I don't want to drive myself crazy over it. But I will continue to google the name until he comes back. The other thing in the Middle East is people frequently don't always use the same name like in the West. Sometimes they will use first and last name and then have an additional last name. And then sometimes they spell it differently too. So there are any number of possibilties

Starlight925 · September 2, 2017

Um yeah, I think you're reaching by saying maybe he picked up hairs on his jacket, that just happened to end up in his bed. Don't most people take off their jackets before getting under the covers?

As for long hairs vs. short ones, if they are approximately the same color, that's anyone's hairstyle you can think of. Long hair with shorter layers, or long hair with bangs.

This smells fishier, the more you post about it, I'm sorry to say.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017

Never mind... I found my answer to this post. Thank you.

Klocks27 · September 2, 2017