Is No-Contact right for my situation??

[Learningagain]

My GF of 2 years broke up with me this past saturday, she stated that she did not feel the same way anymore. I accepted it, did not cry, plead or ask for her to change her mind or anything. We had a very caring hour or so talking and her mainly crying and i left and went to my place.

 

Now, i went into this relationship with the mindset that i dont want a future or children and that it was a one day at a time thing, she went along, but one day at a time turned into 2 years and i now realize i love this girl. We had agreed throughout this time that we must remain good friends after this ends as i am best friends with my previous ex and its a very valuable relationship. Now, this girl (new Ex) is a very honest, loyal, caring human being and genuinely cares about me and it seems that it is very important for her not to lose me.

 

for a few days after the break-up i went into radio silence, she would text i would respond with very short responses, but i decided that i need to inform her that i will need to process these changes and go into No contact mode. I had the chat with her last night about doing this and it was very heavy on her i could clearly see, i was actually very surprised with the state she was in. It seemed she was struggling more than i have been, this was very different from my previous experiences with break ups. to a degree i felt sorry for her! I know all there is to know about how to move on from a break up, learned so much from the previous ones, and im doing solid progress even though its very early on, im very happy with this and it is great to see the hard work from my past is paying off. Much of it learned on this forum!!

 

But here is the catch!!! When informing her of my no contact decision and what were the rules of engagement and so on she mentioned how its very tough for her but the relationship didnt make sense because i didnt want any future with her, this was a twist i didnt expect, i thought she had zero romantic feelings left, but this future block being potentially a "reason" is new. Why is this intriguing? because i now know that i love this girl and would not have a problem having a future together (very late realization i know!) so i told her that i would not have a problem having a future with her, IF this was the real reason behind her loss of feelings. I did not want to have a "take me back conversation" at all, they dont work i know, so i tried to make it sound as little needy as possible. i told her that if she changed her mind she can get in touch and we will see where i am at.

 

Here is the question in my head, she is very down and needs support! im doing good, so could no contact harm the chances of us getting back together if this "no future block" turns out to be the main source of the feeling's problem???? wouldnt it be better for me to stay in the picture?? I will only do it if i know for certain i can handle it.

 

Thanks so much for reading this far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Giblesp]

Definitely maintain NC. You've done everything correct up to here, the final thing to be said should always be, I'm not interested in a relationship I only want you romantically. Get in touch if you feel the same way.

Ironically, if she feels you are compromising what you want to be there for her she wont feel safe around you, as you have compromised your masculine core. Other women will pick up on that also.

 

Only keep talking to her if you just want to be friends, which you clearly don't.

 

Don't take what she's saying literally at this point, as she's in a highly emotional state her opinion will change from minute to minute. Look to her actions, if she doesn't reach out romantically maintain NC and keep moving on. This is best for both of you.

[WombatShadow]

Not sure what Gible's talking about re core, but...

 

Take some time away from her. Let's say four weeks. In those four weeks, do everything you can to move on. Go to the gym, take a date or two, invest yourself in whatever work/hobby/thing you want and can. Don't keep staring moon-eyed at her belongings or daydreaming of her, try not to focus on her at all. The reason for all this, aside from letting you heal, is that you could very well be reacting emotionally and thinking you're in love with her instead of actually being in love. That's not fair to either of you, especially if you get back with her only to realize that you didn't like her all that much to begin with. She's hurting, and if you do in fact love her you need to not do anything that will aggravate that pain. Here's the rub: she left you. She made that choice. You can't unmake it for her.

 

If at the end of those four weeks or whatever period you choose you still feel the same, it could be that you have genuinely fallen. Reach out to her then, cautiously. You say she's struggling with this situation, but you just throwing yourself recklessly back at her isn't going to help her at all. Just ask if you can go out for coffee or something small, and if she seems interested then keep just spending some time together. You'll know if it's real or not.

[No1]

Sounds like there is a failure to communicate clearly. You two probably got comfortable and nice nice with eachother and assumed what the other wanted. So rather than getting into a potential relationship ending conversation about the future, you two broke up rather than facing issues together.

So, If you love this girl and if you see a future with her then why don't you suggest couples counseling together? This why you two learn to communicate and you can see if she is what you want and she can see if you are what she wants. No games, no rules, no lines to stay within. You two can air out your worries in an environment that would encourage clear communication.

[Learningagain]

Thanks a lot for the response!! I agree with what you've said, i know its the right way forward, but my thought is that if there is any chance of rekindling the emotions then the more time she has away, the more she has to adapts to single life and the less she would want to revisit the relationship and give it a chance. From a female perspective would you agree or disagree with this point??

[Learningagain]

Not sure what Gible's talking about re core, but...

 

Take some time away from her. Let's say four weeks. In those four weeks, do everything you can to move on. Go to the gym, take a date or two, invest yourself in whatever work/hobby/thing you want and can. Don't keep staring moon-eyed at her belongings or daydreaming of her, try not to focus on her at all. The reason for all this, aside from letting you heal, is that you could very well be reacting emotionally and thinking you're in love with her instead of actually being in love. That's not fair to either of you, especially if you get back with her only to realize that you didn't like her all that much to begin with. She's hurting, and if you do in fact love her you need to not do anything that will aggravate that pain. Here's the rub: she left you. She made that choice. You can't unmake it for her.

 

If at the end of those four weeks or whatever period you choose you still feel the same, it could be that you have genuinely fallen. Reach out to her then, cautiously. You say she's struggling with this situation, but you just throwing yourself recklessly back at her isn't going to help her at all. Just ask if you can go out for coffee or something small, and if she seems interested then keep just spending some time together. You'll know if it's real or not.

 

Thanks a lot for the response!! I agree with what you've said, i know its the right way forward, but my thought is that if there is any chance of rekindling the emotions then the more time she has away, the more she has to adapts to single life and the less she would want to revisit the relationship and give it a chance. From a female perspective would you agree or disagree with this point??

[Giblesp]

Not sure what Gible's talking about re core,

 

I agree on that.