Jump to content

My girlfriend of 5 years was sleeping with someone I know during a 2 week breakup


jrv
 Share

Recommended Posts

My girlfriend and I had been in an up and down relationship for around 5 years when I left her and went to stay at my parents house while I was figuring things out.

 

I was meeting with a counselor to figure my relationship out. After about two weeks of my girlfriend trying to get me back she starting hooking up with This guy I know. She lied about who she was hanging out with during this time until I figured out. Her infidelity lasted around a month an a half.

 

It was a highly sexual relationship as I witnessed marks on her chest.

 

Nonetheless we got back together and had another kid our second one.

 

It's been around 4 years since her escaped happened. Now, during this time a lot of the details of her other relationship have come out.

 

It's still hard to digest the fact she was with someone else and it's worse since I know the person.

 

I'm still totally embarrassed that this happened.

It makes it worse that we have two kids now and I don't want to merry her because of it.

 

I can't stop thinking of her infidelity.

Any ideas or advise would be helpful!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly if you can't accept it then this relationship will be forever doomed. Don't marry her because this will bother you and create resentment sooner or later in the relationship. Yes, she was single so technically she had every right to sleep with whoever she wanted. But it appears that you are very disgusted by it so for the good of your own health, move on. Never tolerate, your body will hate you for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For one, it sounds like you were the one to leave her for a couple weeks, so there's not even really the sleaze element to it that there would be had she dumped you just to bang someone else and then come back.

 

You weren't cheated on. It wasn't infidelity. If you can't get past it, you can suggest counseling for you two or for just yourself even, but otherwise it may just be over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This happened over 4 years ago and it still pains me. We've now been together around 10 years and have two kids. The awful feelings I have about this are a day to day struggle.

It's even worse that I know The other guy and he is friends with her brother.

There also indirectly connected through the various social media sites as I am since we all went to the same school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She didn't cheat technically, but I understand how much this still can hurt. I would not worry, she is with you and she must be happy to want marriage and have another child with you. The question is, are you happy? Think about it and the either yes or no answer will tell you want you need to do next

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So this affair happened 4 years ago? And you're still chewing on this? You're lucky she took you back. You should stop asking her for more details, and if she's volunteering all of this, she may be telling you in what areas you're deficient in.

 

You never married your girlfriend. I think she had a right to blow off some steam. You basically separated. That's the whole idea about separations. If you had had an affair, I'm sure you would feel differently about it.

 

You have to get to the bottom of your problem of why the relationship goes up and down. You have two kids and you have to be responsible for them too. You have to give them a stable environment or they become victims in this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The reason you think about it all the time is because you haven't properly dealt with what happened.

 

If it were me I would feel betrayed since she supposedly loved you but jumped into bed pretty fast but on the other hand you may feel guilty since you dumped her and this would have never happened if you hadn't disappeared on her to "figure things out"

 

I suspect we are not getting the whole story here. You are leaving some things out.

 

In any case you need one on one therapy so they can help you see that you are allowing the past to ruin your life. Would you rather she had fallen in love with another guy or just have sex with him? Also how does matter one bit if it was a total stranger of someone you know?

 

It seems to me that you are the only one carrying this baggage around and everyone else involved left it in their past where it belongs.

 

Time to seek out a therapist before you loose her and your kids.

 

Lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So this affair happened 4 years ago? And you're still chewing on this? You're lucky she took you back. You should stop asking her for more details, and if she's volunteering all of this, she may be telling you in what areas you're deficient in.

 

You never married your girlfriend. I think she had a right to blow off some steam. You basically separated. That's the whole idea about separations. If you had had an affair, I'm sure you would feel differently about it.

 

You have to get to the bottom of your problem of why the relationship goes up and down. You have two kids and you have to be responsible for them too. You have to give them a stable environment or they become victims in this.

 

How do I get over the embarrassing feel I have?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What are you embarrassed about? You were broken up and she had sex with some guy. Why should you be embarrassed?

 

Why are you bitter? You were the one that set this whole thing in motion right? Are you bitter towards yourself?

 

Do they communicate still? Either you trust her or you don't. You realize that if she wanted she could communicate with all kinds of guys, not just this one so either trust her or don't. What has she done to make you not trust her?

 

If you look closely you should see that all these things circle back to you. You are insecure about all this and perpetuating these feelings. Seek out some one on one therapy and it will be a great relief. I would guess this isn't the only issue you carry with you.

 

Answer my questions with brutal honesty and lets see where things truly fall.

 

Lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I'm bitter and embarrassed that I played a huge role in how things played out! If I had not left this probably wouldn't have happened like this!

I feel bad because I can't go back in time and stop myself from leaving when I did.

 

It's a crummy feeling to have.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What are you embarrassed about? You were broken up and she had sex with some guy. Why should you be embarrassed?

 

Why are you bitter? You were the one that set this whole thing in motion right? Are you bitter towards yourself?

 

Do they communicate still? Either you trust her or you don't. You realize that if she wanted she could communicate with all kinds of guys, not just this one so either trust her or don't. What has she done to make you not trust her?

 

If you look closely you should see that all these things circle back to you. You are insecure about all this and perpetuating these feelings. Seek out some one on one therapy and it will be a great relief. I would guess this isn't the only issue you carry with you.

 

Answer my questions with brutal honesty and lets see where things truly fall.

 

Yes, I'm bitter and embarrassed that I played a huge role in how things played out!! If I had not left this probably wouldn't have happened like this!

I feel bad because I can't go back in time and stop myself from leaving when I did.

 

Im not OK with this dude sleeping with my girlfriend even though we were sort of separated.

 

It's a crummy feeling to have knowing someone I know slept with my lady.

 

I can just see them laughing about me when it was happening.

 

She initially lied about the sexual relationship she had with him at first.

 

Any thoughts

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Damn dude this sucks. I can understand your frustrations. Don't listen to these people saying it wasn't technically cheating. Fking right it was especially when you've been with someone for quite a while. Sometimes people need breaks to gather themselves and sort things out. There is a difference between taking a quick break and breaking up. Especially considering you had a kid with her? C'mon now.

 

You need to be happy and live comfortably. Mental health is very important and I already know what it's like when your mind is running wild thinking of every worst case scenario.

 

Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her you're embarrassed and feel betrayed. If you love her enough and she loves you enough you too can come to some sort of agreement to help the healing process for you if you do indeed decide to stay. For starters... how about removing all forms of communication with the guy. Have her unfriend him on Facebook, Instagram and all that jazz. It will not erase that feeling you have but it will at the very least give you a bit of comfort knowing there is no line of communication any longer.

 

The feeling will never subside. You either need some couples counselling as well as individual counseling and if that does not work unfortunately the only other option is to walk.

 

Just my 2 pennies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Damn dude this sucks. I can understand your frustrations. Don't listen to these people saying it wasn't technically cheating. Fking right it was especially when you've been with someone for quite a while. Sometimes people need breaks to gather themselves and sort things out. There is a difference between taking a quick break and breaking up. Especially considering you had a kid with her? C'mon now.

 

You need to be happy and live comfortably. Mental health is very important and I already know what it's like when your mind is running wild thinking of every worst case scenario.

 

Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her you're embarrassed and feel betrayed. If you love her enough and she loves you enough you too can come to some sort of agreement to help the healing process for you if you do indeed decide to stay. For starters... how about removing all forms of communication with the guy. Have her unfriend him on Facebook, Instagram and all that jazz. It will not erase that feeling you have but it will at the very least give you a bit of comfort knowing there is no line of communication any longer.

 

The feeling will never subside. You either need some couples counselling as well as individual counseling and if that does not work unfortunately the only other option is to walk.

 

Just my 2 pennies.

 

Gotcha! That's how I'm feeling about it. Her lame brother and the dude are friends on Facebook. I know she checks her brothers profile page so I'm sure she still seems him on Facebook. She's blocked him from her own page but the dude is still connected to her brother.

 

We had another kid after we got back together around 4 years ago and I was going to marry her. Unfortunately I just don't feel right doing it now. She was with someone I personally know. This person had tried to get on her before but she denied him. After I left for my parents house to figure Things out is when she contacted him through FB I believe. It's still vivid because she asked if I wanted to hang out! After I said maybe she sent another text out telling me to never mind. She then lied about who she was with that night! That's what perpetrated the length in time apart, as it was the gut feeling of betrayal I felt.

 

 

Things are better now then they have been in a while. However, I'm still haunted by the sexcapade they had.

It lasted around a month and half during this time she was trying to get me back even after she was sleeping with him.

 

It's doesn't seem real at times!

I actually am meeting with a female counselor regarding my issues.

 

Any advise would be helpful

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What was different between 4 years ago and now, where you decided to take her back and have another child with her at that time?

 

I guess I was coming to terms with the fact that I caused a lot of the issue by leaving in the first place. I Basically gave her an excuse to do what she did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gotcha! That's how I'm feeling about it. Her lame brother and the dude are friends on Facebook. I know she checks her brothers profile page so I'm sure she still seems him on Facebook. She's blocked him from her own page but the dude is still connected to her brother.

 

We had another kid after we got back together around 4 years ago and I was going to marry her. Unfortunately I just don't feel right doing it now. She was with someone I personally know. This person had tried to get on her before but she denied him. After I left for my parents house to figure Things out is when she contacted him through FB I believe. It's still vivid because she asked if I wanted to hang out! After I said maybe she sent another text out telling me to never mind. She then lied about who she was with that night! That's what perpetrated the length in time apart, as it was the gut feeling of betrayal I felt.

 

 

Things are better now then they have been in a while. However, I'm still haunted by the sexcapade they had.

It lasted around a month and half during this time she was trying to get me back even after she was sleeping with him.

 

It's doesn't seem real at times!

I actually am meeting with a female counselor regarding my issues.

 

Any advise would be helpful

If she's blocked him that's definitely a step towards the right direction. She cares enough for you to do that. Even if she visits her brothers page, if she blocked him she can't see his profile anymore and vise versa. Even if you put the name in the search bar it won't pop up. If she uses Instagram, Twitter or snap chat Id ask she do the same there as well.

 

Now with that out of the way, it's time to work on you. Does she feel bad when you tell her you feel betrayed and embarrassed? Does she seem remorseful? Does she cry or get upset when it's brought up? Those are signs I would be looking for. If she genuinely feels bad about it then the next best thing would be to work on you man. You need to Get over that hump if you truly love this woman. She's the mother of your kids. She'll always have a special place in your heart for that but it doesn't mean you have to stay if things are really that bad at home.

 

Stop thinking about it. Because what we do as men is play the scene over and over in our heads. You said you feel as if they were laughing at you. I hope you realize this is your mind playing tricks on you. We men are very territorial and feel our woman are the most sacred thing on the planet... and they truly are. We want to protect that and feel as if it belonged to you and only you. My girl had other partners before me as well and I don't even like bringing any of her ex's up because my blood just boils.. These are high school kids we're talking about in my case. So I can only imagine the pain and frustration you're going through man. Just know a lot of it you're kind of doing to yourself. You need to make a choice and follow your heart. Get the help you need. The both of you and if all else fails and you're back to feeling resentful I think you know what you have to do. Walk brother... just walk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she's blocked him that's definitely a step towards the right direction. She cares enough for you to do that. Even if she visits her brothers page, if she blocked him she can't see his profile anymore and vise versa. Even if you put the name in the search bar it won't pop up. If she uses Instagram, Twitter or snap chat Id ask she do the same there as well.

 

Now with that out of the way, it's time to work on you. Does she feel bad when you tell her you feel betrayed and embarrassed? Does she seem remorseful? Does she cry or get upset when it's brought up? Those are signs I would be looking for. If she genuinely feels bad about it then the next best thing would be to work on you man. You need to Get over that hump if you truly love this woman. She's the mother of your kids. She'll always have a special place in your heart for that but it doesn't mean you have to stay if things are really that bad at home.

 

Stop thinking about it. Because what we do as men is play the scene over and over in our heads. You said you feel as if they were laughing at you. I hope you realize this is your mind playing tricks on you. We men are very territorial and feel our woman are the most sacred thing on the planet... and they truly are. We want to protect that and feel as if it belonged to you and only you. My girl had other partners before me as well and I don't even like bringing any of her ex's up because my blood just boils.. These are high school kids we're talking about in my case. So I can only imagine the pain and frustration you're going through man. Just know a lot of it you're kind of doing to yourself. You need to make a choice and follow your heart. Get the help you need. The both of you and if all else fails and you're back to feeling resentful I think you know what you have to do. Walk brother... just walk.

 

Good advise bro! I was playing hard to get during our separation but it back fired on my ass! I wish I could do it all over again before I left.

 

I got mad after an argument and left to my parents house. I wish I would've thought it over before I left.

 

 

I'll never be able to get that time back! It was stupid on my part!!! I regret my own actions! They help perpetuate her sleeping with someone else!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good advise bro! I was playing hard to get during our separation but it back fired on my ass! I wish I could do it all over again before I left.

 

I got mad after an argument and left to my parents house. I wish I would've thought it over before I left.

 

 

I'll never be able to get that time back! It was stupid on my part!!! I regret my own actions! They help perpetuate her sleeping with someone else!

Don't kick yourself in the ass to bad here bud. People need breaks sometimes. You never expected her to do that only 2 weeks in to a break. As for as I'm concerned she Fkd up... Not you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Adultery - the New Monogamy?
      Adultery is the Future of Marriage? The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders sexual exclusivity impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social networking and in various workplace and social settings. As leisure time increases and physical survival is all but effortlessly guaranteed, recreation takes precedence over procreation.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Healing the Child Within
      In today’s episode of The Terri Cole Show, you are in for a treat. I am interviewing a new pal, his name is Nate Postlethwait, but you may know him as @nate_postlethwait on Instagram.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to Sort Your Life Out | Self Improvement
      This video is about how to sort your life out. There are four important things you need to do to sort your life out ASAP.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Triggers
      You may be tempted to deal with your triggers by avoiding everything or everyone that triggers you. Although that will help you feel better in the moment, it will make life a lot harder for you over all. Instead, here's an emotionally intelligent way of managing your triggers that will help you a lot more.

       
      • 0 replies
    • No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
      The ability to thrive in intimacy is inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. In personality disordered patients, both are sorely compromised.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...