Fwb

[Butterfly2222]

My ex and I had broken up almost three months ago. I am still grieving the relationship, but I am trying to move forward. I tried going on a few dates with someone and just wasn't into it. A few days ago someone who I had a fling with over a year ago randomly messaged me. We ended up picking up communication right away and hung out last night.

 

Now I have a lot of work to do on myself and I am not currently anywhere near emotionally available to anyone. But damn I am so attracted to this guy. We ended up fooling around a little and I didn't feel guilty or regret it at all. He is someone who is also emotionally unavailable, but wants to keep a friendship.

 

I have never been one to have these type of relationships, but it feels good. I have zero expectations of this person. But I also think it may not be healthy just because I've always felt that a FWB situation was too difficult for me. I am however not looking for anything more from him than that. Or anyone for that matter at the moment.

 

We are both in our thirties. Has anyone ever had experience with doing this and it being fulfilling sexually, but not destructive?

[reinventmyself]

I've kid myself that I could do the same. (and couldn't)

Some can.

 

But the fact that you are here asking if you should is telling.

 

If you are really ok with it, then why ask?

 

I am not trying to be glib. Just merely giving you something to think about.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're jumping from the frying pan directly into the fire. You can't move forward by demoting yourself to a FWB, (imo). Of course it's your call...(no offense intended).

[link14]

My ex and I had broken up almost three months ago. I am still grieving the relationship, but I am trying to move forward. I tried going on a few dates with someone and just wasn't into it. A few days ago someone who I had a fling with over a year ago randomly messaged me. We ended up picking up communication right away and hung out last night.

 

Now I have a lot of work to do on myself and I am not currently anywhere near emotionally available to anyone. But damn I am so attracted to this guy. We ended up fooling around a little and I didn't feel guilty or regret it at all. He is someone who is also emotionally unavailable, but wants to keep a friendship.

 

I have never been one to have these type of relationships, but it feels good. I have zero expectations of this person. But I also think it may not be healthy just because I've always felt that a FWB situation was too difficult for me. I am however not looking for anything more from him than that. Or anyone for that matter at the moment.

 

We are both in our thirties. Has anyone ever had experience with doing this and it being fulfilling sexually, but not destructive?

 

is he kind of a rebound for u ? a fling again .. just be clear with him ...

[figureitout23]

Nope guaranteed destruction ahead. Do not proceed, I repeat, do not proceed!

 

I learned that the worst time to enter a FWB situation is when youre fresh out of a breakup that did damage to you. It will magnify all those insecurities. It feels great in the moment, but the aftermath is not fun. You should always do what's best for you, but from my expierience it's just not worth it.

 

What happened to the dude who couldn't show up on time?

[j.man]

But the fact that you are here asking if you should is telling.

Yup. True with a lot of things in life, but especially with something like this, if you have to ask, it's a safe no-go.

[IAmFCA]

You're jumping from the frying pan directly into the fire. You can't move forward by demoting yourself to a FWB, (imo). Of course it's your call...(no offense intended).

 

I don't see fwb as a demotion, since the two people probably aren't a good match in a traditional sense.

 

It is not a good idea when newly single thoughI. It triggers relationship-appropriate thinking. You need new habits.

 

I'm voting for late guy. Tell him Give me notice. Manage yourself with 15 minute leeway.

[nicola478]

First it is sexual, then one of you begin to fall. When it's over, you realize that you fell for him. Back to grieving again.

[Batya33]

It's not FWB - this is someone you had sex with in the past -so it's a sexual arrangement to get sexual needs met. I had to chuckle at "emotionally unavailable but wants to keep a friendship" -what?? How can you be friends with someone who is emotionally unavailable.

 

I agree you're playing with fire by having intercourse or hooking up with a guy who is unavailable for exploring a friendship or romantic relationship with you. If you choose to act on your physical attraction then accept the downsides -will he be equally unavailable if you get pregnant, for example?

[johnwyo1]

My ex and I had broken up almost three months ago. I am still grieving the relationship, but I am trying to move forward. I tried going on a few dates with someone and just wasn't into it. A few days ago someone who I had a fling with over a year ago randomly messaged me. We ended up picking up communication right away and hung out last night.

 

Now I have a lot of work to do on myself and I am not currently anywhere near emotionally available to anyone. But damn I am so attracted to this guy. We ended up fooling around a little and I didn't feel guilty or regret it at all. He is someone who is also emotionally unavailable, but wants to keep a friendship.

 

I have never been one to have these type of relationships, but it feels good. I have zero expectations of this person. But I also think it may not be healthy just because I've always felt that a FWB situation was too difficult for me. I am however not looking for anything more from him than that. Or anyone for that matter at the moment.

 

We are both in our thirties. Has anyone ever had experience with doing this and it being fulfilling sexually, but not destructive?

I had a FWB relationship some years ago with a very lovely woman. She and I did not enjoy much else and had little in common for interests. However, sexually we were terrific together. When we were not dating someone else, we had intense, mutually satisfying sex. We weren't destructive to each other and gratefully fulfilled each other.

 

It was very different from your situation though. We started off with passionate sex on the first date. We realized that we did not hit it off in other areas so we never formed a couple, never got close emotionally. I think I might have had difficulty with that because sex means more to me typically.

 

We did have enjoyable times together not in bed through adventures together by going lingerie shopping for her and making out in the dressing room, by going sex toy shopping and hurrying home to try her new large realistic dildo, and by dressing sexy for a dinner out then having sex in the car in the driveway or parking lot. If we tried dinner with no overt sexual purpose, we struggled to have conversations.

[Batya33]

So that's what is confusing to me -why kid yourself that it's "FWB" when you "struggle to have conversation" -that's a sex partner or sexual arrangement -friends don't struggle to have conversations. I especially think women use the euphemistic acronym as a way to avoid what it truly is (and isn't). Nothing wrong with having a sex partner if that's what both people want the arrangement to be - but often the woman lies to herself and part of that lie is referring to it as some sort of "friendship". (and yes I realize it was a man who posted the preceding post).