I seek advice regarding my situation.

[AnonymousCola]

Hello,

I would like to receive some advice about my current situation. Bear with me because this might take a while to explain. First, a bit about myself. I'm 18 and she's 16 (i turned 18 in June) (I will keep our names anonymous for obvious reasons)

 

In October 2016, I started talking to this girl online. She lives In a different country than me but we're both the same nationality. For 10 months we spoke normally, as friends etc. And we recently finally met for the first time. We spent 3 fun days together, we had a laugh, we talked, we went around lots of different shops and stuff, and on the last day I saw her, we were sitting on a bench and I said " I don't want to leave you" "These 3 days have been awesome and I finally felt alive for once" and she looked at me and started crying so we hugged for a solid 5 minutes. (She hugged me every time we met and every time we went home).

Now, before I go on, I need to mention that I had no dating experience whatsoever, and I've never had a girlfriend or had sex so I'm basically a complete noobie at these things.

Anyway so up until we met up, I didn't really care as much, like I was happy that she was my friend and stuff and we both helped, and still do, help and talk to each other every day. We spoke every day since October. But yeah, as I was saying, when I finally met her, I realised she was perfect and I started to fall in love with her. Me being me, I wouldnt dare tell her because I was always afraid of judgement and rejection. But yeah so I came back from holiday and obviously we kept talking and stuff.. we argued about a few things and she said things like "You're too sensitive" (I was basically sad for a whole week after coming back because I wanted to spend more time with her because she's simply amazing, and I let me also mention that she's the first ever girl I got on with and became friends with, and she's the first ever girl to actually give me a hug and all so to me it was so new and amazing that it just happened that I fell in love.)

Anyway so recently we got onto a topic of sex and relationships. We talked about sex and stuff and she said if she could have sex she would. This was a first warning light and I already started to feel crap when I realised she doesn't love me back. She also said that she would probably only do it with someone who she was with. At this point, I tried to get some sympathy and said "I'll probably never have the chance to date anyone or do it because I've never had a girlfriend" but she replied with "You need to be open about things and you'll find someone." Now at this point I knew for sure she didn't feel the same way and I have felt crap ever since. She also said that she doesn't like relationships because of reasons like the guy being too dominant or whatever, which also just made me lose my hope.

 

So, now there are a few things that I feel crap / worry about.

1. What If she gets a boyfriend?

2. What if she does it with someone else?

It seems a bit selfish but everyone knows what love feels like and how devastating it feels when someone you love, loves someone else, mentally and physically.

 

So, I'm seeking advice regarding this.

So for example, how sure can I be that she doesn't or never will love me? How sure should I be that she wont find herself someone else, or how would I deal with it? (She's the first girl I ever fell in love with) and is there a way for me to actually get her to like me in that way? It hurts to think she doesn't love me... I mean it also hurts to think she wants to have sex but she wouldn't want to do it with someone she spoke to for 10 months. She's never been in a proper relationship either.

I guess I feel jealous as well....

I'm lost so I apologise if this makes no sense or I seem selfish, but i have college next week and want to stop feeling this way so that I can get the good grades, and I just want to stop hurting in general.

[AnonymousCola]

Let me also mention that I've had depression in the last few years due to other family problems and bullying and it's all getting to me, and I've long then started to doubt that I'll ever find love. I mean, look at me. Girls want a strong, mentally strong as well, guy who will love them right? Well I'm not mentally strong and I often feel depressed so..... I just need some advice and someone to tell me that I will find love and that e rrything will be alright, be it with her or whatever

[AnonymousCola]

An update. Yesterday we were talking and she said she was jealous because her friend got a tall and handsome boyfriend and she can't find one. I was deeply hurt and decided to tell her how I felt. She said that it's hard for her to fall in love and that it's a shame she doesn't feel the same way. She said we would obviously carry on talking "Because she'll never find a better person than me"

Does this mean I still have a chance? Why would she look for someone else in the first place if im such a good person? I'm worried she eventually will find someone else and then.... she'll end up having sex and all that... I just don't want to be devastated and depressed again like I was just over a year ago over a similar but less serious situation....

 

I would appreciate any reply that I could get. I've got the smallest amount of hope left.... and I don't want her finding someone else... so please can someone help me? I found myself crying every couple of minutes about this... maybe I shouldn't be so soft but yeah.