How to deal with a long term relationship breakup

[Fuzzflash]

I have/had a boyfriend which i have been with for 5 years, engaged to for 2 years and living together for 3 years and I have decided to end it today. Im 24 and he is 30. The long story is that I have been doubting our compatibility for over a year now, I feel like we have different morals and beliefs and in the last few months he has been going through a spell of depression through his job which he has recently changed to a different job but he smokes weed every day as a result. At first I was so upset with this because I don't like drugs but then I decided I would have to accept it in order to move on with the relationship because I love him. Lately he has been acting out of sorts, he recently was drunk and pushed me out of our front door of the house infront of my friend and was aggressive and in the past he has gotten drunk at family party's and completely embarrassed me by being sick and unable to walk. He has a history of mental health problems and I constantly worry about his wellbeing and his ability to be alone. We recently celebrated our anniversary and I realised that day that the relationship had gone stale. I did not enjoy his company and he was trying to be intimate with me but I was not feeling it at all. He is so kind and loving usually and will do anything for me but I just feel completely put off from him. Also I have developed a crush on an older man which is very out of ordinary for me and I probably only feel this way because of what is going on with my partner, I would never act on it while I was in a relationship but I feel like I want to be single to explore my life more and get it out of my system. But then I'm worried that I will have this fling while I'm single and completely regret my decision because I've betrayed him. I told him that I need time and space to figure out what I want which he is being very understanding about but I don't even know that I'll want to be with him after my space. I'm so heart broken over this because we really do love eachother but I don't know if we are right for eachother. I'm quite witty and intelligent where as he is very laid back and simplistic. We have different options on a lot of things and he gets paranoid a lot which worries me. He even said when we broke up that he would forgive me if I cheated on him which is not fair on him at all. I feel so sorry for him and so worried about what will happen to him after ive left but I can't go on like this any longer. We also have a dog together which is going to be hard to organise what will happen to him. I'm so lost right now and petrified of our future. I don't know if I need to be single and live my life then go back to him but that isn't fair on him to have to wait around while I be selfish. I'm sick of compromising my happiness to keep him happy because this is making me miserable. I also have an anxiety disorder which is making things much harder because find being single and without him completely daunting and so sad. Also what if he finds someone else and doesn't take me back or what if I fall for someone else and break his heart. I'm so scared and need some reassuring/advice right now.

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like you did the right thing, OP.

 

You're very self-aware and knew that you were checking out of the relationship. You're only 24 and have plenty of time to find the right man to settle down with, I assure you. Good for you for knowing what you want (and don't want) and not sticking with him out of fear of the unknown. That instinct will serve you well in this new chapter of your life.

[DanZee]

Well, you never had the chance to go wild in your late teens, early 20s. It does seem like you need to get out, meet new people, socialize and maybe party a little. Or to meet new guys or just to have some time for yourself. Your boyfriend is self-medicating his mental illness with the drinking and the weed. The problem is these substances can make the illness worse. Also dealing with someone who's bi-polar or suffering from depression is no fun. And the older guy you're interested in may represent your desire for a quieter, more stable relationship. You should probably break up with your bf, I hate to say, and get him some medical help. What you do is up to you.