mcnugget Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Hello all, Some background: I have been with my man for over a year. Things have been generally very good and I have tried to be trusting despite my past experience with a cheating ex. My boyfriend has some issues opening up, which he claims is due to his past. He says my patience is helping him work through his issues. I’ve now met his family and we discuss marriage and have plans to be engaged and move in together within the next 8 months. However, he still isn’t comfortable saying “I love you.” He says his feelings for me are deep and that he cares about me greatly. That he sees us married and having kids. He claims he is scared of being hurt, but he’s almost ready to say the words and he’s thanked me for my patience. One day I finally broke down and told him that he was breaking me. He said that he does love me, but that was a month ago and he hasn’t made those words part of his vocabulary. We currently see each other 4 or 5 nights a week when he’s in town (he travels a lot), but he won’t give me a key. He keeps giving me his keys on long term loan (a few months at a time) because I need them for practical purposes, but he is resistant to letting me have a key until we officially renew his lease together in a few months. We are both around 30 and I am his longest relationship. The issue: His friends keep getting married which means lots of bachelor parties. I am not really OK with strip clubs. Every relationship is different, but in this particular relationship I’m not comfortable with naked women grinding on my turned-on man’s lap. His justification being that he’s only being teased. I can guarantee that if I went to a club in a ty outfit and danced with a guy or sat on his lap and let him “tease” me, boyfriend would not be ok with that. Gosh forbid I was actually found grinding with a man where one of us was naked. The fact that it’s in a strip club so he’s going to the club for the sole intention of paying for what I consider to be cheating does not give him a free pass. Anyway, I know I can’t stop boyfriend from going with his friends and don’t want to be the evil girlfriend so I don’t forbid him, but I do ask that he look and not touch. Buy the bachelor a dance and have a beer, but a lapdance is cheating in my book. He went to 3 strip clubs this past weekend. What I have pried out of him is that he didn’t “technically” get a lapdance, but a stripper sat on his lap and he bought her a drink and flirted with her. He thinks he played by my rules because he didn’t get a dance and a lot of his friends went to the back rooms. I still feel like he crossed the line. I know that he could have done more and I’m glad that he didn’t, but I still feel grossed out and disrespected. I don’t know that it’s worth ending the relationship over, but I just feel the heeby jeebies when I think of it. I don’t feel like he should really be putting himself in those situations to begin with and I really have no way of knowing exactly what happened. If this lap sit was at one club what happened at the other two? What about the other weekends? I feel betrayed. There is something else nagging at me. In my bedside table at his house we keep assorted things including some things of mine and a box of condoms. We haven’t used the condoms since very early on in the relationship. I always kind of kept a rough count on how many were in there (5/6). I wasn’t too worried about it because I trusted him, but it was one of the first things I noticed was off when my ex started cheating. I was in the drawer about a week ago to grab something and I noticed that the condoms were outside the box and there were only 3. That seemed really off to me. I thought maybe I had miscounted in the past because I really hadn’t looked at the condom box in a long time. I confronted him about it and he simply said that we used some early in our relationship and had kept some on then nightstand (true), but he never kept count. I let it go, but it kept nagging at me a little. Yesterday, I checked the drawer again and I found 2 more condoms hidden under a wallet of his and some other things. The missing condoms could have been there previously as I didn't give the drawer a complete toss before and they were well hidden. I told him I had found the missing condoms and he said he was glad. I asked him how 5 condoms in a box would have become 3 and 2 condoms outside the box separately and he said that he goes through the drawer hastily sometimes and could have accidentally torn them. I do not think he is a bad guy out to purposely hurt me. I know that my past might be coloring my views. My ex went to strip clubs and cheated on me with someone who did porn. My boyfriend hasn’t tried to flip anything back on me as I have confronted him about these things. We’ve tried to talk everything through. Everything is all kisses and cuddles right now, but I am worried that I’m letting too much go. I don’t want to be a fool. I don’t want to let myself be disrespected and cheated on. I love him and I want this to work. I really do want to vomit when I think of him at a strip club. The condom thing isn’t necessarily evidence of anything, but it is odd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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